Sex noises ruining my afternoon tea

[OhMyDarling]

Firstly, I am no prude.
But......

Daughters and I enjoying a homemade cream tea and enjoying the garden I spent yesterday attacking into submission.

Cue next door neighbours sexmarathon.
Oh. My. God.

I am not even joking, she sounds like a horse and the sound is echoing down the street.

Just as we think it’s all over, they start up again.
We are now indoors with music playing to drown out the sound. Other neighbour is also playing music.

So much for enjoying the day, the sunshine and the birdsong.

Can I report them?! (Only half joking)

[1forAll74]

I suppose this is one of the few activities that you can partake in with lock down. Are the windows open at her house,or closed,and all steamed up? You need a loud buzzer, or a massive bell to ring,indicating half time for them, or a collection of neighbours to stand outside, shouting their own chosen words, or obscenities.

[frumpety]

We had a neighbour who used to put on quite a vocal performance, DH and I used to pretend to be doing the same, but a teensy bit more exaggerated

[WishIWasARunner]

Omg hilarious thread, I've just looked up the Laughing Policeman song.... yesssssssssss!!! This is your answer. ]

Please, do it

[Qwerty543]

What has your home made cream tea got to do with it?

[OhMyDarling]

@Qwerty543 I was setting the scene.
Our wholesome afternoon shattered by the wailing of a selfish next door neighbour.
We were outside enjoying it, then we weren’t. What a waste of my time and effort after it was spoilt.

[PhilSwagielka]

This is possibly the most British thread title I've ever seen.

She may be faking it. Or overcompensating. I hate hearing other people shag. It's so awkward. Especially when it's my parents.

[Wired4sound]

I was really hoping that this was going to be about someone making sex noises eating the afternoon tea!

[PenfoldsFive]

Next time call out, “Indoor voices please!” in a prim fashion.

[SpilltheTea]

I'd have to play the worst song I could think of and then sing along to it, loudly.

[Hippofrog]

You need to play The song “I wanna Sex you up” or Mr Boombastic

[newtb]

If they go on a bit too long you could always play I can't get no satisfaction

[PhilSwagielka]

I Wanna Sexx You Up is one of the most unsexy sex songs ever. It's hilarious.

Or how about some Nine Inch Nails? Unless they're goths, in which case hearing Closer would encourage them.

[pilates]

This has made me have a good laugh, thank you 😂

[TitsInAbsentia]

"lick it Darren, lick it"
I'm done! I'm also hearing it in a Gemma Collins voice (a la when she was in Big Bro and was telling Daren she was claustrophobic)

Anyways, I'm with the comedy tunes, there are so many to choose from but don't rule out the birdy song and agadoo.

[Pineapple1]

Offer to join them?

[MusicianTom]

I think for a soundtrack, as well as the 1812 overture, I'd try 'Entry of the Gladiators' (no sniggering at the back, please)

[indemMUND]

@PhilSwagielka Ey, us goths prefer Pussy - Rammstein if we're going industrial

[ponchek]

Get the police to do a wellbeing check.

[Anon55533]

I’m really sorry IO you’re going through this I really am and have no idea what to advise. Sorry if this sounds insensitive but this is my favourite thread so far as the replies are making me laugh so much! Please keep them coming

[Anon55533]

OMG! Didn’t mean for the last sentence to sound like that! I meant keep the replies coming. I really hope for your sake you can solve this OP. It must be awful listening to that especially if you have children (not sure what age yours are)

[Honeybee85]

I actually read you were enjoying cream pie instead of cream tea .

If it was a one time thing I'd just laugh about it, if it's a regular occurrence I would put an anonymous note trough their door, would save all parties Involved the embarassment of a face to face talk about this. If that doesn't help, report them.

[Dita73]

Blimey. If you could get me her partners phone number that would be great. Thanks! 👍🏻

[Shannith]

Shout out, "Didn't know they'd changed it to fuck for the NHS."

[Bakedbrie]

You HAVE to play on loud speak either Barry White “I’m gonna love you....” or Baker Street (Sexy Sax)....please!!!!

[Hippofrog]

You need a track list. Also Gimmie some is a good song to play!! You could do the dance as well