Sex noises ruining my afternoon tea

[OhMyDarling]

Firstly, I am no prude.
But......

Daughters and I enjoying a homemade cream tea and enjoying the garden I spent yesterday attacking into submission.

Cue next door neighbours sexmarathon.
Oh. My. God.

I am not even joking, she sounds like a horse and the sound is echoing down the street.

Just as we think it’s all over, they start up again.
We are now indoors with music playing to drown out the sound. Other neighbour is also playing music.

So much for enjoying the day, the sunshine and the birdsong.

Can I report them?! (Only half joking)

[AimeeS2018]

@buzzswole Maybe she has two halves of coconut shell that she's clip clopping together

This made me laugh!

[Pieceofpurplesky]

Day in the garden sipping pimms after afternoon tea and almost sad I have no amorous neighbours. Mind you they are in their 80s and I would put any loud sex noises down to the fact they are both deaf

[Dodgytrousers]

Hilarious thread

😂😂😂

[Faircastle]

get the other neighbours and have a sing song cum by ahh my lord is a good one!!!

From the sound of it, the neighbours already did.

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

I once changed me WiFi name to Number16WeCanHearYouShagging.

Not very nice but they took the absolute piss. It verged on perverse when at 3pm I could hear people not only over the road but 3 houses down in my kitchen at the back of the house.

If they want to screech and wail like a pair of .damn seagulls they need to be doing it somewhere less populated.

[ScrimpshawTheSecond]

spent far too long trying to imagine what horse sex might sound like.

Just fyi, don't google this. At least not on firefox with the safesearch turned off.

[GreenTulips]

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo

Brilliant

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

She sounds like a horse

Is she banging two coconut shells together?

[FourPlasticRings]

I think it'd be easier to have sex while hearing the 1812 overture finale than while listening to The Laughing Policeman. I was going to suggest Yakety Sax, but I think The Laughing Policeman would be far better.

[TemoraryUsername]

@flummoxedlummox wins the internet today for this response;

she sounds like a horse

Well she is a neighbour.



My song suggestions are topical for today and best if you can get other neighbours in on it, perhaps as a call and response duet?

Goodnight Sweetheart
Is a long way to Tipperary

Or perhaps just very loudly the dambusters theme tune

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Ah fuck, someone beat me to it

[DustyMaiden]

Jesus you’re joke was the second cumming

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Surely playing The Benny Hill Show theme tune at full blast would put them off?

[Jux]

Definitely give them a round of applause. ime it's the worst thing.

[ChateauMyself]

“Don’t stop me now
I’m havin’ such a good time
I’m havin’ ball

Don’t stop me now
I’m havin’ such a good time
Just give me a call

Don’t stop me now ^^
Havin’ a good time ^^
Don’t stop me now ^^
I don’t want to stop at alllllllll ^^

Etc etc etc... ^^

[Samtsirch]

Sorry OP
We’ll try to keep it down in future
😂🤣

[TimeWastingButFun]

I love this! How very British!

[Single2catsand1daughter]

This thread has made my day.

[Billben]

If they want to screech and wail like a pair of .damn seagulls they need to be doing it somewhere less populated.

😂🤣😀

[TheHumanSatsuma]

You should start clapping when she's finished

I love this idea!

Shout Encore, maybe hold up Placards a la iceskating , with marks out of 10.

[PussGirl]

God I wish I'd been having noisy- sex this afternoon - haven't seen my man since the lockdown

[Tommorrowsanewday]

How about blasting a bit of Phil Collins
I can feel it cumming in the air tonight Ooh Lord.

[mbosnz]

I may have also been known to bellow out 'a 4.5 from the Russians' in such a situation. . .

[CandlesBlanketsandTea]

I'd start playing The Bad Touch by the Bloodhound Gang:

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
(Do it again now)
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
(Gettin' horny now)

[Notredamn]

I'm sorry you've been saddled with that