Sex noises ruining my afternoon tea

[OhMyDarling]

Firstly, I am no prude.
But......

Daughters and I enjoying a homemade cream tea and enjoying the garden I spent yesterday attacking into submission.

Cue next door neighbours sexmarathon.
Oh. My. God.

I am not even joking, she sounds like a horse and the sound is echoing down the street.

Just as we think it’s all over, they start up again.
We are now indoors with music playing to drown out the sound. Other neighbour is also playing music.

So much for enjoying the day, the sunshine and the birdsong.

Can I report them?! (Only half joking)

Can sympathise with you OP, a couple of years ago we had neighbours like this. They had lived there for a year or more, then split up but she would return every second weekend from around Fri 4pm and leave late on Sunday night, then every Wed night as well.

Apparently the kids went to their bio father for the weekend according to another neighbour who knew their family, so she came back to visit the (?ex) BF. Being Summer they would leave all doors and windows open so the whole neighbourhood could hear. We used to clap when they stopped to draw breath, then other neighbours joined in the clapping, but this didn't make any difference.

We also heard people knocking on their front door, again, nothing seemed to stopped them until one night, one of the neighbours played a recording (probably downloaded from the net somewhere) of a huge audience clapping, jeering and yelling for 'more'!! THIS had the desired affect as the volume was so high it echoed on and on.

Might be worth a try? Fortunately for us, these neighbours moved out but not for several months, then it was so peaceful.

Love the suggestion (above) of playing 'Who let the Dog's Out?'

@brucesndnosh,

*yell she's faking it!"

That made me laugh out loud. Probably true too.

Yell "She's faking it!"

We actually did this once when we were living in a flat pre-kids. Upstairs neighbours liked to broadcast their sexy times (and their extensive collection of mambo music) to the neighbourhood. After we'd heard one session of howling and squeaking too many after several months of being treated to it regularly, we roared this out of the window.

They split up and moved out a surprisingly short time later.

Lickdown in lockdown

Shout 'shut the fuck up' really loudly? Preferably with a fog horn

Blimey. If you could get me her partners phone number that would be great

We’ve got one of them, always had the window open! We’ve named her Moaner Lisa

More cream on your scone, vicar?

"The vicar's coming" said Marjorie, pouring tea with her other hand.

Daphne was a dab hand with the squirty cream.

Could you get together with the other neighbours and go for a Eurovision song contest type scoring?

Paper plates? Nil point!

@Wauden - that is to funny!

Lucky buggers, getting plenty

Keep the replies coming

Pop a note through the door that says something like:
Just a friendly FYI we can all hear you doing it.
Would you mind closing the windows when you’re getting jiggy 😀

I think a massive roumd of applause each time it goes quiet

You could- perhaps shout. Could you please repeat that. Me and my DD didn’t quite catch that bit?
If they still persist. Actually play sounds of cats mating. I think google has an excellent repertoire... keep us updated xx

Once my neighbours. Or technically the people who lived across the street were having a shagathon in their front garden. I mean reverse cowgirl... et al. They didn’t quiet down, not bother to be discreet. Be rude if I didn’t see the entire thing from my top window. I mean, was I being a perv? Maybe. But I did shout- he’s a touch on tiny side. Loud enough for them to stop. ( I’m
Going to hell in a handcart- I know )

Lucky them getting some action on lockdown-there’s going to be a lot of Covid-19 babies born from around January. Luckily my other half is a key worker and stuck in his own home 😂
But honestly they either have no shame and are loving the attention or are unaware how the sound carries. Giving them a round of applause sounds like a good idea, maybe embarrass them. Or shout “Shut the window you mare!!!!” 🐎

What about playing some unsexy music loud enough for them to hear.
An Irish jig on a penny whistle and accordion.
The teddy bears picnic.
Nursery rhymes
She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes - ...... oh, maybe not !!!!

I worked as a social worker for the Deaf, I had the not so enviable task of going to see a Profoundly Deaf couple and explain to them they were being rather noisy in the sex department and several neighbours had complained. We actually got given the Job from the local council, I knew this couple anyway, the Deaf world is a small one, so it was even more sensitive....
They took it with great humour, and that seemed to do the trick@

'More tea Vicar?'
'Oh no, but you could force me into another tart'.....

My daughter has similar issues with her upstairs neighbours (flat situation). They are even waking the children up at night, but don't seem to mind what hour or room.. I suggested she clapped and shouted a score out of 10.

I would rather hear sex noises than the domestic violence that is going on next door to me though 😔

Apologies if this has already been suggested but I couldn't read through the entire thread, anyway why not play the signature tune of the Lone Ranger (William Tell Overture) loudly as they are reaching their crescendo? Actually the version from the from 'A Clockwork Orange' is even faster. Just an idea...

Ext time they are ‘at it’ could you do a Facebook live broadcast?

Asking for a friend

So, are these cream teas better than sex or not?

Which lasts longer - the couple next door, or the scones?

Who ends up with the stickiest fingers?

I have once played...."Bump and Grind" by R Kelly and also...
My didgeridoo..and I CAN play it.

Put him off his stroke a treat😂

When our kids were little we had a young couple living next door. They would have very loud sex during the day - she'd be shouting "Fuck me fuck me fuck me!" I was waiting for him to say "I'm trying to if you'd just shut up!". Anyway it wasn't great with kids at the age to ask questions so one day I mentioned that the walls aren't very thick and that we could hear them. She was mortified and we never heard them at it again. Thank fuck