Sex noises ruining my afternoon tea

[OhMyDarling]

Firstly, I am no prude.
But......

Daughters and I enjoying a homemade cream tea and enjoying the garden I spent yesterday attacking into submission.

Cue next door neighbours sexmarathon.
Oh. My. God.

I am not even joking, she sounds like a horse and the sound is echoing down the street.

Just as we think it’s all over, they start up again.
We are now indoors with music playing to drown out the sound. Other neighbour is also playing music.

So much for enjoying the day, the sunshine and the birdsong.

Can I report them?! (Only half joking)

[TerrifiedandWorried]

Shout at them. Or slip her some ketamine.
.

[SeasonFinale]

coconut shells

[BruceAndNosh]

Yell "She's faking it!"

[Alsohuman]

Do you live in a middle class area?

Why? Do middle class women hold their breath and think of England?

[CandleNoBra]

I once had to write a letter asking our neighbours to keep the mid day porno sound track down as my primary aged child really shouldn’t be listening to it. So embarrassing and thank god they left not long after.

[WizardOfAus]

I think very vocal sex noises often mean the sex isn't actually very good.

I disagree.

[joystir59]

Bang some pans

[Bbang]

It’s funny but it’s also not I would hate this and feel really annoyed at being forced inside on a nice day.

[Celeriacacaca]

You should start clapping when she's finished.

Please, please do this and then report back.

Enjoy your afternoon tea.

[Itisbetter]

Just say very loudly “too noisy”.

[butterpuffed]

Who would you report them to ?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

Really really wondered how you attacked a homemade cream tea into submission.

Then I read the sentence again

[BackseatCookers]

They're SEX PEOPLE, Lynne!

[ravenmum]

She's just caught up in the moment.
Get out the Marvin Gaye and turn up the volume.

[ravenmum]

Oh, better still, Je T'Aime, Moi Non Plus.

[Ikeameatballs]

Hilarious!

[saylarvae]

@OhMyDarling
Record & play back at an appropriate moment. It's the sincerest form of flattery.

[OldSpeclkledHen]

At least she's having a bloody good time! Some of us are stuck home alone!

[Patsypie]

Loudly play The Laughing Policeman. The perfect song to spoil the mood and piss them off!

[toria658]

Work out when other half was not there and yell up ‘ she sounded louder last day, time’. Coitus interruptus .....

[viques]

Oh my. That gives a whole new meaning to the phrase tea and crumpet


More cream on your scone vicar?

[Pavlova31]

Seconding playing the Laughing Policeman song 😂

[ScrimpshawTheSecond]

Invite them to afternoon tea (social distancing observed, of course) and straight-facedly serve an array of suggestively iced buns, cucumber sandwiches that are just giant cucumbers, strawberry tarts, lashings of dribbly cream splattered over everything and then every time you take a bite make loud sex noises like it's the most amazing afternoon tea you've ever had in your life.

[fuckinghellthisshit]

Yeah, this happened to me when we were staying at a Haven site. I went full 'Forrest Gump"

Full eye contact, grunting and shrieking, worked like a charm

[Mermoose]

Play, at top volume, the finale of the 1812 Overture. You absolutely cannot continue having sex during that music. I know this from experience.