Sex noises ruining my afternoon tea

[OhMyDarling]

Firstly, I am no prude.
But......

Daughters and I enjoying a homemade cream tea and enjoying the garden I spent yesterday attacking into submission.

Cue next door neighbours sexmarathon.
Oh. My. God.

I am not even joking, she sounds like a horse and the sound is echoing down the street.

Just as we think it’s all over, they start up again.
We are now indoors with music playing to drown out the sound. Other neighbour is also playing music.

So much for enjoying the day, the sunshine and the birdsong.

Can I report them?! (Only half joking)

[LaMarschallin]

I very very strongly disagree

And very, very strongly agree during, presumably?

[beargrass]

@BackseatCookers

[Treacletoots]

Play Salt n Pepa... Loudly. Pretend you're doing a zoom exercise class and practise the moves in your garden.

[Queenoftheashes]

I would love a scone.
And yes you should clap. Reminds me of Amsterdam, I used to time men in the brothels and then shout at them how long they were after. You could try that? The men always ran away at that point.

[MehMehMeow]

A few years ago we realised the apartment next door was being used for AirBnB... not great for the community but oh well. Unfortunately being on holiday makes people frisky. We were often subjected to amorous liaisons as our bedroom and their bedroom shared a wall. It didn’t help it was badly built so you could hear the neighbours turning a light switch on. One night though the guests were having a loud S&M type session so we had to bang on the door... The slapping sounds were getting A bit weird. One Sunday morning we were leaving and there was a woman leaving obviously doing the walk of shame. Awkward in the lift... more awkward when she started in my office two weeks later and I recognised her.

[LynetteScavo]

Dear Neighbours,

I hope you enjoyed your sex session. It certainly sounded like you did. Well, a lot of it sounded rather fake actually, so maybe not. Anyway, while you may get off on us all heating your afternoon of fun, it has caused my young children to ask many questions. Such as:"Do they have a horse in their house?" While those of us over 18 my not be bothered by your elaborate vocal show, the fact that children could hear you was just abusive. Please close your windows next time you wish to indulge in activities which impact on children in your neighbourhood.

Yours,

Mother Neighbour.

[Craftycorvid]

This has made my day! I’m so sorry your cream tea was violated, OP, but can anything be more British? . Both the cream tea and the juxtaposed sex noises, that is. And, yes, definitely play the 1812 - too slow and syncopated a rhythm to get anything, er, done.

When I was a student (a long long time ago) I house shared and the couple in the flat above were very keen on highly energetic shagging. Trouble was the bed head was too close to the wall and I was kept awake - in the most literal sense - by all the banging.

[makingmammaries]

Record it and play it back when they finish?

[userabcname]

Mooing?! She's not giving birth is she???!!!

[Ellie56]

[VerticalHorizon]

They don't call him Mr 'Ed for nothing

[VerticalHorizon]

Scream Tea anybody?

[LuluJakey1]

'Lick it, Darren! Lick it !'

Elements of 'Bend me over backwards on the hostess trolley' and 'Beat me on the bottom with The Woman's Weekly'

[everpessimistic]

Not so funny similar story - when I was 12 my mum came home from a night out and I heard her and her boyfriend having what sounded like very energetic sex. Lots of moaning on her part, even some sort of screams, eventually I had enough of it and stormed into her room screaming SHUT THE FUCK UP... turns out she’d broken her ankle getting out of a taxi and were now waiting on a new taxi to arrive to take her to a&e 😆😆😆

[Crikey0000]

Have they stopped yet?

[ClementineTangerine]

@KatnissK that's what I came here to say

[Wehttam]

We play Who let the dogs out VERY loud when our neighbours start. It works a treat.

[Outdoorsybynature]

I had neighbours like this. Shouting to stfu didn't work. I then shouted 'you sound like a seal' and they were quiet after that!

[Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe]

Lick it Darren..omg !!!!!!! I have coffee all over my keyboard and screen and coming out of my nose! Epic!!
OP get the other neighbours and have a sing song cum by ahh my lord is a good one!!!

[FluffyRabbitGal]

The walls in our flat are very thin, so on occasion (predominantly Sunday afternoons) we had the ‘pleasure’ of overhearing our next door neighbour having very, very noisy sex, as his bedroom and our bedroom shared a wall. It turned into a bit of a running joke between my OH, avoiding the bedroom until we heard his front door open (and willing partners leaving!) as we knew it was safe. All well and good until I was put on a month of nights, and it was their antics were so noisy I was woken up (I’m an incredibly deep sleeper!), I don’t know if it’s because I was tired or I had just had enough, but I well and truly lost my rag! Enraged, I banged on the walls and began shouting the likes of, “If you can hear me, that’s means I can hear you!” and “You must be faking it if you need to make that much noise!”. It appeared to work though, as they soon stopped! Luckily he moved out a few months later!

[OhMyDarling]

Who clicked IABU?!!!!

(Maybe the neighbours themselves??)

[CaptainHammer]

@BackseatCookers 😂😂

[Devlesko]

Play Bolero, at the highest level you can.

[YouAreTheEggManIAmTheWalrus]

How very dare they!

[GreenTulips]

Can you display some score cards after?