Sex noises ruining my afternoon tea

[OhMyDarling]

Firstly, I am no prude.
But......

Daughters and I enjoying a homemade cream tea and enjoying the garden I spent yesterday attacking into submission.

Cue next door neighbours sexmarathon.
Oh. My. God.

I am not even joking, she sounds like a horse and the sound is echoing down the street.

Just as we think it’s all over, they start up again.
We are now indoors with music playing to drown out the sound. Other neighbour is also playing music.

So much for enjoying the day, the sunshine and the birdsong.

Can I report them?! (Only half joking)

[Harls1969]

We also gave a standing ovation to a couple shagging on their balcony in a hotel in Cyprus

[OhMyDarling]

@VerticalHorizon definitely the scones!!!

[VerticalHorizon]

@ohmydarling - do you take online orders?
Cream Tease (tm)

[OhMyDarling]

Ha ha I could do with a side hustle!

[supercee]

@VerticalHorizon

😂😂😂

[VerticalHorizon]

I think it was a hussle from the side via the neighbours that started this mess!

[DreamTheMoors]

Dear Jane and Bob - just wanted to let you know that we ALL very much enjoyed your sexcapades during our tea this afternoon. Love, The Entire Neighborhood
Tape it to their front door

[Devora13]

OMG, lockdown and they have a captive audience!
Maybe stick a sign on their gate-Sex Show every afternoon, apply within for tickets?

[MrsBadcrumble123]

Ugh loud sex noises in hearing distance of others is so déclassé have as much sex as you want but fake loud sex noises are soooo 1980’s seriously I’d be popping a note through their door ‘dear neighbour whilst we appreciate a healthy sex life is great for any relationship please close your windows should you wish to scream like a porn star from your whole road!!’

[whomovedmychocolate]

edition.cnn.com/2020/05/07/health/coronavirus-semen-china-health/index.html Point out LOUDLY that Covid 19 can be passed in semen. Sounds more like mad cow disease though.

[Ageinggreyly]

I live in a terraced house ,next door were young and rampant. Jeez she sounded like a Canadian goose flying back to the local reservoir in mating season. The old guy on the other side of them rang me one day ....I know sex is good but it's not that effin good . I accosted said stud in Tesco one day and asked him to kindly suffocate her with a pillow next time they were at it .My new neighbours only take a minute ,quick arse slap,even quicker moan. Job done 👍

[VoluptuaSneezelips]

Glad some of you mumsnetters are not my neighbours because if you started playing 1812 or some other song at mine and DH's loud sex on the rare occasion we get a child free house and don't have to suppress ourselves you would be getting some on full in return.

[BowStreetStunner]

**15:42Rosehip10 what difference does it make?
How exactly do you decide what is a middle-class area anyway, what is the criteria, privately owned not council estate?

[Neron]

And I'm glad you're not my neighbour Voluptua. DH and I are childless and manage to have a sex life without subjecting it to the neighbours. Imagine that.

[BiddyV]

Genuinely, it is better than hearing people fighting.

Maybe you can just let them know? If it is bothering you enough to only be half joking about reporting them I think that it would be best if you just write them a note and put it in their letter box. Reporting them would be a waste of police time, and it would be hugely awkward for the police to go and talk to them, if they were to take it seriously. I'm sure that they can close a window.

[heron20]

Reminded me of this scene from Gavin and Stacey :)

[namechangeididtoo]

I was about 12 and heard my mum and dad shouting at each other in the living room after a while I went downstairs storming in saying “what the hell are you shouting for” to find them at it on the sofa mum bloody riding dad 😊😊😊I was mortified

[DadOnIce]

I've only just realised this is a different thread from the 'Do it to me, Adam!' one.

[Wauden]

@OhMyDarling. Did you have cream horns for your afternoon tea?

[AimeeS2018]

I love this thread!

[Saints13]

Possibly cool enough for windows to be closed today.

I'm with those who would applaud, or make fake noises at inopportune moments.

[Iooselipssinkships]

Just shout really loudly next time that you thought they'd cancelled the grand national this year!
Or failing that between her horsey hee hawing MOO at the same level.

[nevermorelenore]

Play some really really unsexy music. Like Spanish Flea. Or anything by The Smiths.

[cannockcandy]

Shout as loud as you can to the other neighbour about the worrying noise and asking if they think a call to the police may be a good idea.
That might make them at least take a break for a bit!

[Merryweather80]

If it’s mooing and neighing I suggest DEFRA got the local vet.