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My brother isn't coming to my wedding

(225 Posts)
mozzarellasticks Fri 29-Mar-19 13:25:21

2 weeks to go until my wedding and I've just received a message from my brother saying he's not coming.

We have a great relationship but he's said he can't come due to lack of money and nothing to wear.

AIBU to think he should've had some money put aside to go to his dearest sister's wedding?

Disfordarkchocolate Fri 29-Mar-19 13:26:13

Some people don't have money to set aside. Can you help?

Hollowvictory Fri 29-Mar-19 13:26:43

That's very disappointing ffs presumably he's had months possibly years to get something even if from charity shop or borrowed or hired.

GunpowderGelatine Fri 29-Mar-19 13:27:28

You will get told that it's his choice, it's an invitation not a summons etc but IMO YANBU that is exceptionally shitty. How much would it cost him? Isn't there a family member's house he could stay at?

mozzarellasticks Fri 29-Mar-19 13:28:15

@Disfordarkchocolate Can't really afford to be giving him any money (and it would end up being a gift rather than a loan). I have nothing spare to give him as I've put my own money towards the wedding and just bought my first house

Halloumimuffin Fri 29-Mar-19 13:28:24

How far in advance was he invited/did he rsvp?

How far would he have to travel, does he have to stay overnight?

MadameAnchou Fri 29-Mar-19 13:28:39

YABU, it's not for you to decide that someone needs to put by to go to your wedding.

mozzarellasticks Fri 29-Mar-19 13:28:57

@Hollowvictory Yes, very upsetting. I would be happy if he was in jeans and a t-shirt. Would just appreciate him being there

BeanBag7 Fri 29-Mar-19 13:29:06

Maybe he's just had a big unexpected expense and now can't afford to come. Maybe you could offer to help him or suggest ways he could reduce the price (e.g. does your fiance have an old suit he could borrow)

sweeneytoddsrazor Fri 29-Mar-19 13:29:12

Depends why he doesn't have the money and how expensive it will be. Does he have to travel, pay for a hotel ?

MirandaWest Fri 29-Mar-19 13:29:17

Could there be some other reason? Would You be able to offer to help him with costs?

Halloumimuffin Fri 29-Mar-19 13:29:25

Also, have you sent off final numbers so you will be paying for him?

mozzarellasticks Fri 29-Mar-19 13:29:38

@GunpowderGelatine My other brother has offered to let him stay the night before at his house

BlueSkiesLies Fri 29-Mar-19 13:30:09

Can a friend loan him something to wear and your parents help with his transport costs?

BlueMerchant Fri 29-Mar-19 13:30:11

C ould a family member not help him out? Seems sad he can't attend due to finances.

mozzarellasticks Fri 29-Mar-19 13:30:30

@Halloumimuffin Invites only went out beginning of January but we have been engaged since last June

GPatz Fri 29-Mar-19 13:31:41

Sounds like he originally said he was coming and part of accepting suggests he knew cost implications. Not very nice for you, as I am sure you have already included him in the wedding costs, there being only two weeks to go.

mozzarellasticks Fri 29-Mar-19 13:32:28

@BlueMerchant @BlueSkiesLies He only needs to pay for travel. No one is willing to lend him any money as they know they will not get it back

ScreamScreamIceCream Fri 29-Mar-19 13:32:30

If your brother generally has money issues e.g. poorly paid then worth asking the rest of your family to help him out.

Mouikey Fri 29-Mar-19 13:33:10

If you want him there tell him it doesn’t need matter what he wears (because surely that’s a non issue!). In terms of cost, if he doesn’t buy a present (his presence should be enough), the cost would be travel only... can he grab a lift with someone else near him? If he needs somewhere to stay can he stay at yours? Or a friends?

If there is no backstory and you really want him there, then both of the issues are overcomeable!

maggiecate Fri 29-Mar-19 13:33:42

He might have had an unexpected expense or something going on that you don't know about. If you'd be happy to have him there in jeans tell him that. What he wears doesn't matter, you just want him there - in his PJs if needs be! Just repeat and repeat and make sure he knows you mean it. Have a wonderful day!

Drum2018 Fri 29-Mar-19 13:33:44

How far away is he from the venue? Would he need to stay in a hotel? Maybe he's had unforeseen financial problems and is genuinely unable to spend money on travel/hotel etc. I'd respect his decision.

bibbitybobbityyhat Fri 29-Mar-19 13:34:02

If you have a great relationship, can you ask him what's really going on? It sounds like he feels unable to come for a different reason.

Mouikey Fri 29-Mar-19 13:34:15

Given your update, I guess it comes down to how much you want him there & if you want to gift him the cash for travel

mozzarellasticks Fri 29-Mar-19 13:35:09

@maggiecate thank you. I'm trying my best to persuade him to come, it won't be the same without him there. It's only a small wedding but he's one of the most important people in my life and I'd like him to be there

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