My brother isn't coming to my wedding

[mozzarellasticks]

2 weeks to go until my wedding and I've just received a message from my brother saying he's not coming.

We have a great relationship but he's said he can't come due to lack of money and nothing to wear.

AIBU to think he should've had some money put aside to go to his dearest sister's wedding?

@WhenISnappedAndFarted he has recently moved out of the area. I'm trying to find out cost of a train ticket and told him he can wear whatever he likes

How much are the travel expenses? Is the wedding in the UK and he lives in UK? It's very annoying for have him pull out at last minute though TBH I would prob suck it up and pay his travel costs. I paid for my brother's accommodation for my (destination) wedding as he wouldn't have been able to come otherwise
.

How much will he need?
I'd rather look back on my wedding and remember my brother being there, than buttonholes or favours or flowers for the mums or whatever. Is it possible to save the money from the wedding budget to pay for his travel?

Can your parents help him?

Did he originally say he would go OP?

He only needs to pay for travel. No one is willing to lend him any money as they know they will not get it back

I suspect there's a back story here

he lives in the country the wedding is in? That's awful of him - does he have a history of cancelling on things, social anxiety etc?

@GPatz Yes, but from the very start my parents predicted that something like this would happen and expected him not to come

@justmyview Yes, he's terrible with money 😂

How far away? Can someone go and pick him up?

Wedding invites tend to go out six to eight weeks before the event, so I don't think sending them out in January is that unusual.

He’s a selfish dick.

@HermioneWeasley I'm glad you agree

YANBU, what a complete dick.

From your updates, it sounds like your brother is bad at managing money. In which case I can understand why you're all reluctant to pay for him. The fact is though if this is the real reason he'll need some financial help to get to your wedding.

If you want him there then is that desire more than bothering about not getting money back. If this was me I'd chip in to make my daughter, sister, friend etc happy on her wedding day.

Just received another message from him. He says the train would probably cost about £80.

How many mea away has he moved OP?

I agree, he's being a dick. Now the wedding's all about him. Whether he comes or not, don't let it be.

Years ago it would have bothered me who came to an event important to me ( wedding christening etc)
Theses days I view it as a day in my life. People who can make it will be there and the world will keep spinning. Its not like you two have become estranged.

Personally I wouldn't sweat over it.

What an asshole move. Given everyone in your family seems to know he's irresponsible and bad with money it sounds like everyone has helped him out many times before. This is a really selfish move on his part.

@Stargazer888 you've said it perfectly thank you

Coach?

An £80 ticket more than a ~"move outside the area". IF you wanted him there as badly as you say you'd pay his ticket fare to get him to you. If you aren't that bothered then leave it to him.

He is selfish, he is irresponsible with money so he is probably disappointed he can't go. On this occasion I'd ask all can the family chip in to make his trip possible, I'd let him know it was the last time, he needs to grow up.