My brother isn't coming to my wedding

[mozzarellasticks]

2 weeks to go until my wedding and I've just received a message from my brother saying he's not coming.

We have a great relationship but he's said he can't come due to lack of money and nothing to wear.

AIBU to think he should've had some money put aside to go to his dearest sister's wedding?

If he's a pain in the arse I wouldn't go to any great lengths to have him there b

If he really wanted to be there he would be putting more effort into looking for solutions, asking family who could he stay with instead of waiting to be offered, asking if its okay if he just wore dark jeans and a shirt, telling you he's looked a trains, coaches, etc.

But it sounds like all he's done is say sorry cant make it unless someone else pays for it. Emotional blackmail.

You can either call his bluff and see if he makes the effort, or pay for him to come. By all means tell him you will be upset and miss him if he doesn't come, but don't beg or try to persuade him, it is demeaning and it is awful he has put you in this position in these circumstances.

Right, fuck him.he cannot be arsed to make any effort, wants everyone to nail him out and has known a year in advance. Let him stay home. He's a total waste of space.

He only heeds to look respectable, ie clean and tidy. He can do that in clean jeans and a freshly ironed shirt, so not sure the “nothing to wear” excuse works. As for the money thing, how far way is he? What are the cost implications for him? Could someone give him a lift. I assume you're not expecting a huge gift.

Maybe he isnt all that interesting in coming.

Weddings can be quite boring.

It's not the end of the world - if you love him make it equally ok whether he comes or not - give him the freedom to choose - and don't worry about bailing him out.

*interested!

Sometimes national express is cheaper? Have a look?

Yes, weddings can be boring. But surely he could suck it up for the sister he is apparently close to?

'It's YOUR event, you care. If you want him there, then pay for him to attend. Otherwise don't complain.

I agree though that he should not have said he would come in the first place'.

And that's why she's complaining. He said he would go and two weeks before said he can't. I sure some people would be annoyed if this if it were a regular guest, but this is her brother.

Your brother is selfish. Tbh if I were you I wouldn't make any effort to get him there, he obviously doesn't care that much to have told you this 2 weeks before the wedding, and ultimately making it your problem when you've got enough to deal with already.

I hope you have a lovely wedding day!

How far is the travel? Could he use a ride sharing app like BlaBlaCar?

How old is he? Does he work? He's hoping everyone else will cough up for him, he could go to Primark and smarten himself up on £30, he's had since January, selfish git.

Genuine question OP, why do you want him to be there? Any answer is OK. But I think that informs what, if anything, you do.

If it's just that you feel that he should have wanted to be there and gone to the effort - don't do anything. Say you're sorry he can't make it, and mourn that your brother is not the person you'd like him to be and your relationship is not what you wish it was. Because he still won't be that person and you won't have that relationship if you pay for and prod him to come.

If you love him, and miss him, and want to hug him and joke with him on your wedding day, then pay.

@Piewife thank you so much!

and thanks to lots of you here - I think I'll leave him to it. If he really does want to come then he'll make the effort

@Bookworm4 he's just turned 30 and has mostly been in work since 18

Frankly, you might just have to accept that he doesn't want to be there; clearly there's a backstory, and if he's selfish enough to have hacked off everyone else he may not care if it's not all about him

He's already tried to stiff you over the price of a ticket and could easily sell lose one if you sent it. And what about buying even a drink if he came - would he blag off others for that too, or maybe even use the event as a chance to tout for more loans?

That could be embarrassing ...

Just reply that your sure he can find a solution. Every everyone is running round after him like he's 5.hes a grown man, the solutions are obvious. He sounds very attention seeking.

OP several people have suggested coach travel instead of train. Have you looked at this possibility. Of course the coach will probably take longer and be more tedious but if you find the coach is say £30 and you offer this you will know how you stand with him by his reaction. If he is really keen to come he will accept this very generous offer to help him out. If he won't come by the cheaper option I would say he's not as bothered as he's claiming to be. In any event I wouldn't be sending him the cash if he's unreliable. You might not see it again and still find he has a last minute excuse why he can't make it.

I would check he actually intends to come assuming money can be found for transport. I would be concerned he will find another excuse.

That is crap OP. Clearly he's hoping someone will buy it all for him.
I'd send a link to the ticket, tell him to wear anything he wants, and that you hope he can make it but you really aren't in a position to help financially

He works, he's not a child, he could get there if he wanted.

@hollowvictory so glad to see the voice of reason here! Couldn't believe how many people want her to pay for his ticket?! No way!! It's just enabling crappy behaviour. He's a grown man. Time to act like one.
Sorry you're disappointed OP. Try to focus on all the people who are making the effort and have a wonderful day. His loss, you sound like a very patient sister

It's YOUR event, you care. If you want him there, then pay for him to attend. Otherwise don't complain.

what a nasty post, it's the OP's brother ffs.
Some people have flown across the world to ensure they wouldn't miss their siblings big day. It must be so upsetting for the OP that her brother can't make the smallest effort to attend.

Don't let him spoil your day. He is still your brother, just unreliable. Make the most of your own wedding, it goes so quickly.

Sounds like he planned this perfectly! Leave it until almost the last minute and say you cant afford it. He knows there is no way that every single one of you will refuse to give him the ticket price, he knew someone somewhere would cough up.

I bet he already has bought the tickets but thinks this is a good way to get a hand out.

So he doesn't own a pair of trousers and a shirt? Riiiiight. Unless you've decided to get married very last minute he will have know for a while, sounds to me like he just doesn't want to go. If he was that bothered he'd borrow money to travel and wear something he already has.

It's a flimsy excuse.