My brother isn't coming to my wedding

[mozzarellasticks]

2 weeks to go until my wedding and I've just received a message from my brother saying he's not coming.

We have a great relationship but he's said he can't come due to lack of money and nothing to wear.

AIBU to think he should've had some money put aside to go to his dearest sister's wedding?

I feel your pain. My brother has just pulled the 'if you don't give me a plus one to your wedding so my brand new girl friend you've never met can come then I'm not coming' huge back story about his selfish entitled behaviour....but apparently I'm out of order saying guest list all sorted sorry no more spaces.....My view is to throw it back to them.....They are grown ups and need to be responsible for their own actions. Although as you want him there I would offer to buy the train ticket and send it to him (we have paid hotels for people we really want to attend and who we know would find it an extra expense too much).

Does he really 'struggle' with/for money, or is he self centred with money and expects other people to bail him out when he hasn't got any? Based on what you've said it sounds like the latter.

In which case you have to decide whether to carry on enabling him in his entitled attitude, or to say enough's enough. Which might be an easier decision to make if it wasn't about whether or not he's at your wedding.

Unfortunately it does sound like there might be an element of blackmail in his text.

It’s a difficult situation for you to be in . If you really want him there you are going to have to contribute . You’ve known this is likely to happen since last June . I would have been saving a bit weekly to cover his costs if you really want him there . If not them yes he has had time to save .
Is he the youngest in the family by any chance ? I’ve seen similar behaviour in several youngest family members .

He is not the nicest of people.

I think you've hit the nail on the head sadly.

Gosh, you love him dearly, you're his sister, and still you can say that, you know it's true.

Don't push it. He can't be bothered to be there because he's not the nicest of people, and that's all there is to it. Just learn from this and don't ever, ever give more to this relationship than you can afford to lose.

You can't make him want to come. Enjoy your wedding with the people who want to be with you.

Can you ask the rest of the family to chip in to get him there 'as an extra present' for you?

I’d be really disappointed to op, like others have said, he could have borrowed a suit or bought second hand and im sure he’s had plenty of time to sort something out.

One of my db didn"t attend another db's wedding in 1988. Relationships have never been the same since! What a shame for you all. Wish it had never happened to my family!

Maybe he doesn't want to attend because he owes some of the people that are going money? And he's embarrassed or afraid he's going to be confronted about money he owes ,It's just a thought ,either way I hope you have the best of days don't let one person spoil it for the many xxx or should I say....Money!

Boilers seem to break down more on MN than anywhere else on earth. Presumably if OP’s boiler breaks down, her landlord might pay for it to be mended?

You don't know if OP has savings for emergencies and for that reason she doesn't want to use that money to give to her brother WHO AGREED he would go her wedding. Which would be entirely sensible.

He might be one of the most important people in your life but you're obviously not important to him otherwise he would come.
I would tell him how upset you are. That you don't care what he wears (although he may be embarrassed if he's in jeans and everyone else is in suits), that he can stay with your other brother. And ask him what you can do to ensure he can come.

I'm so sorry, it must be disappointing for you. Are there no family members who can help? I hope so.

Sorry your brother is being so flaky
Does he have addiction and/or mental health problems?
I think I would offer to pay for his travel and repeat how much it would mean to me if he came, then if he agreed to come I would get the travel ticket for him and hope for the best. Maybe keep expectations low in case he doesn't come though.

@Pinkpeanut27 no, he is the oldest of the three of us

Why is it such a big deal to you if he comes if it is not a big deal to him.
My philosophy these days is to be bothered about other people as they are about you. That includes family.

I agree with this @notacooldad.

Send him an airy 'what a shame you'll miss a great day' text and leave it at that.

Could you buy the tickets. Or club together with family and buy him tickets and smart clothes and then he doesn’t get birthday or Christmas present this year?

@FizzyGreenWater I agree with you, thank you

@Rainbows, do bore off with your sanctimonious twaddle.

@Alsohuman @ILoveAllRainbowsx - @GPatz is right here, I have savings for my own emergencies