Boss told me to choose between being a mother and being a director

[Coffeekitten]

I’m a senior employee/director at a small company and have worked there for many years. I am part time and am able to do all of my work, and more in those hours then collect my children from school.

The other directors are all male at the company, are paid a full time wage and have flexibility around things like collecting their children from school, so I don’t feel that flexibility for directors is inherently considered a problem. However, I am the one who has been challenged over needing flexibility around my children.

My boss put on a random Teams meeting and started shouting at me that he wants me full time and said outright “Do you want to be a director or a mother?” and suggested that I should go and find another job if I am unwilling to return to a full time working pattern.

I have a recording of the entire conversation, and importantly, I told him during the conversation that I was recording it.

There have also been other comments/incidents over the years which, taken together, have made me increasingly uncomfortable about how I’ve been treated as a woman and a mother.
I was extremely upset afterwards and am now questioning whether I can realistically continue working there, despite having previously had a good working relationship with my boss.

I’m not looking for legal advice as I already have professional advice.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of treatment? What happened in your situation?

Being cynical I think he wants rid of you. By making your emotions about working part time as a mother in front of other people he’s a shit, as you said you are doing the work on part time basis. Is there other things going on with the business could he be thinking you will look somewhere else and he would save money. If you were upset and no one acknowledged it then yes you might want to consider a nicer environment.

Thanks for your reply. I think he’s been eyeing a family member up for my role and is trying to push me out.
However saying on recording a bunch of very discriminatory and sexist thing wasn’t the smartest way to go about it! 😬

It’s good you have a recording.

I would start a timeline and keep records of every time he says something like this.

I would also be looking to see if there is a way to capture your outputs vs full time male directors. It maybe easier to capture what they do that you don’t. I suspect you are actually doing just as much as the full time male directors but it would be good if you could evidence that.

Continue to keep calm and remind him that you are completing your workload.

Decide how far you are prepared to fight for the job vs effort of finding a new job.

Prepare your evidence for now and don’t resign - you’re much more of a problem if you remain in your role and bring a claim of sex discrimination

He wants rid of you so quit and sue for constructive dismissal.

Agree. He wants to make you redundant or employ someone else, so he's leaning on you to leave without paying you anything. Sorry, its a horrible position to be in, but don't let him get away with it.

I would get legal advice. Find out what evidence you need. My first thought was he wants you out. Presumably to be replaced with a man....

Jeez, he’s not the sharpest tool in the box is he. Language like that is plain stupid. I hope he is planning on paying you a large settlement…

Do you have an HR team? You should report him for sex-based discrimination.

To be honest I think although I'd love you to hang him out to dry I think you are better spending your time looking for a new job. See if you can find something great and tell him to stuff his job. You'll never be happy working there again and the danger is fighting this takes time and energy better served finding a new job with better people and ideally better money. Good luck.

Is your boss the ‘big’ boss? Anyone more senior?

Would you feel comfortable raising a grievance against this discriminatory shitbag?

How easy will it be to find an equivalent role elsewhere?

Thanks all for your advice 🙂.

We don’t have an in house HR, it sort of falls to me to deal with 😂

I am looking for another job and have got a solicitor ready to try negotiate a settlement agreement for me to go quietly. He is very spooked by the recording I have.

Was hoping somebody might be able to shed some light on similar situations.

thanks x

Yeah he’s the big boss and owner. We had a chairman for disputes like this but he sacked him for challenging him - says it all!

It’s outstanding that you have a recording. Contact Pregnant then Screwed and go all out for constructive dismissal, sexism, all that jazz. Absolute nightmare in the short term, but very well played!

Quite easy but all the roles I have seen are full time not part time. We live in the middle of nowhere with no family nearby or OOS childcare nearby so school drop off/ pick up is the problem x

Get a back up of the recording and straight to ACAS and hopefully a nice pay out

Doesn’t sound like a good place to work anyway. Keep looking for another job, but make them pay you off to leave. What a scumbag.

Thank you! I instinctively started recording when he kicked off so I could show my husband later, not realising I would capture so outright discrimination 😂

It's astounding that the men work "full time" but get "flexibility", whilst you (more honestly) work part time around your family. 😡

I know 😩 like whilst this was happening one of the male directors was sat on his sofa on Teams with his child shouting in the background whilst I was getting a rinsing 😅

Damn! Can’t go over his head then. He doesn’t sound like someone I would want to work for anyway.

Good you’re getting advice on making sure they pay you off. If he won’t, is it the sort of company where people will boycott if they found out about this?

Are you paid part time? Have you ever been full time?

I was full time before I had children but I have a part time contract. I think from what I could gather, he doesn’t want to pay me full time, he just wants me to do full time hours 😅