Boss told me to choose between being a mother and being a director

[Coffeekitten]

I’m a senior employee/director at a small company and have worked there for many years. I am part time and am able to do all of my work, and more in those hours then collect my children from school.

The other directors are all male at the company, are paid a full time wage and have flexibility around things like collecting their children from school, so I don’t feel that flexibility for directors is inherently considered a problem. However, I am the one who has been challenged over needing flexibility around my children.

My boss put on a random Teams meeting and started shouting at me that he wants me full time and said outright “Do you want to be a director or a mother?” and suggested that I should go and find another job if I am unwilling to return to a full time working pattern.

I have a recording of the entire conversation, and importantly, I told him during the conversation that I was recording it.

There have also been other comments/incidents over the years which, taken together, have made me increasingly uncomfortable about how I’ve been treated as a woman and a mother.
I was extremely upset afterwards and am now questioning whether I can realistically continue working there, despite having previously had a good working relationship with my boss.

I’m not looking for legal advice as I already have professional advice.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of treatment? What happened in your situation?

50s, he’s a big drinker and coming in hungover a lot lately/ not turning up for big meetings etc.

thank you ❤️❤️

I can't believe women still have to deal with this bullshit. It makes me SO glad I work in a female dominated field. I'd honestly be tempted to stick it out out of sheer spite 🤣 There's been some fab advice on this thread. Just be professional and neutral, and keep it to things like 'No thanks, I'm happy working the contracted part time hours I'm assigned to alongside being a parent'. Don't let the prick get to you!!

Just a note that my company didn’t have HR either, and possibly therefore due to lack of any sensible advice they didn’t fold at the SAR, they complied and sent it to me, almost all redacted (but in places they were sloppy and forgot to redact within email chains, and sent me more evidence 😂). It would have all been unredacted anyway at Disclosure which is the part right before the hearing when both sides ‘show their hand’ on what evidence they’ve got. But funnily enough after the preliminary hearing they suddenly became very keen to avoid that… My company were exceptionally pig headed though, you do just have to sit tight.

PP are bang on that it’s a dance and you go through the motions, and the first step is to prove you’re serious. It’s very hard not to take personally when your professional and personal attributes are then picked apart in retaliation (honestly I found this the hardest part cause it’s so deliberate and unjust). But it IS all a smokescreen and it is tactical, my solicitor was great at tempering some of my more emotional responses during negotiation and reminding me it’s all a means to an end.

With any luck they’ll realise what deep shit they’re in sooner rather than later!

How long has been been your boss @Coffeekitten ? And this insane rant completely out the blue?

So were all the directors called in to this meeting?

She would be selling herself short if she settled at that. She would get more for a discrimination claim.

8 years and we’ve always got on well.
hes been spiraling with other staff, swearing and shouting at people, loads are leaving. Shocked im on the other end of it he’s always respected what I do!

Thanks again for everybody who has commented. It’s been nice to feel like I’m not alone ❤️

UPDATE:
I’ve had an email from the boss basically trying to backtrack and apologise and asking if I want to meet up and see how we can ‘make it work and move forward’. Defos written by a lawyer, not in his usual style/ language!

My solicitor has reviewed my contract and basically although I’m part time, there’s a clause that he can change my hours and expect me to work more if required to.

My plan is see what he’s got to say, then raise a grievance on years of sexism, making me work when on maternity leave etc and see if that forces his hand to offer me a settlement agreement 😬

Well, you could just go full time with this job. No point in leaving for another full time job. Could you do this?

Companies that I have worked for state clearly in their T&Cs that each employee should be treated equally & have no issues related to

Gender
Religion
Sexual orientation
Race
Disability
Etc

I am sure that his conduct (infront of work colleagues) falls far short of this.

I would contact ACAS & HR online for advice.

Secondly, do you all have yearly or quarterly appraisals about your work tasks, projects, holidays, sickness etc ?

This