Boss told me to choose between being a mother and being a director

[Coffeekitten]

I’m a senior employee/director at a small company and have worked there for many years. I am part time and am able to do all of my work, and more in those hours then collect my children from school.

The other directors are all male at the company, are paid a full time wage and have flexibility around things like collecting their children from school, so I don’t feel that flexibility for directors is inherently considered a problem. However, I am the one who has been challenged over needing flexibility around my children.

My boss put on a random Teams meeting and started shouting at me that he wants me full time and said outright “Do you want to be a director or a mother?” and suggested that I should go and find another job if I am unwilling to return to a full time working pattern.

I have a recording of the entire conversation, and importantly, I told him during the conversation that I was recording it.

There have also been other comments/incidents over the years which, taken together, have made me increasingly uncomfortable about how I’ve been treated as a woman and a mother.
I was extremely upset afterwards and am now questioning whether I can realistically continue working there, despite having previously had a good working relationship with my boss.

I’m not looking for legal advice as I already have professional advice.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of treatment? What happened in your situation?

Hurry up and take backup copies of that recording, just in case you get locked out of the system.

Thanks, thankfully all on my personal mobile and sent to few backups just incase 😅

I agree he’s wanting rid of you, so wait it out ie for them to pay you off

If you quit you’ll get minimal payout. You don’t want the hassle of a constructive dismissal claim. Wait for them to offer redundancy and then jack the price given the recording.

I've had this twice in my career. I'm in my 50's now but I work in male dominated industries.

First time the director said. We want to promote you (to his role), but you'll then do something like go and have babies. I left - it was Nissan! I was planning a family and thought, I can't be bothered with this. I was early 30's

I then worked as the UK GM for a Swiss company and after asking for flexible working was told: your ambition is to become a mother, ours is to make this business a success. We have appointed XXXXX to be the new GM from xxx date

I sued and won!

Hope the meeting itself was recorded on Teams (presumably not, since you had to record on phone) to show the other bloke with his kid in the background - double standard or what @Coffeekitten

Hold your ground. A nice payout coming your way shortly.

Don’t bother with ACAS. They are a bit crap.

To get a really good settlement, source a specialist employment law solicitor. They will make sure you are fully guided thought the process - grievance, constructive dismissal, tribunal etc.

Extraordinary

But how can he have no idea about the law?

I would ask for evidence that you are needed full time also ask what extra work and responsibilities was he thinking of you taking on if you were full time.
Should your suspicions be correct or mostly correct he will have no reply.
Then get your ducks in a row for a discrimination/constructive dismissal case. Good luck.

From a legality perspective, you can't just tell someone you are recording them. You are required to ask for explicit consent. I hope you did that. "If an individual secretly records a conversation strictly for their own private, personal use (such as a personal record of a discussion), it is generally not a criminal offense. However, sharing that recording, publishing it, or using it in a formal dispute or tribunal without consent introduces severe legal and privacy liabilities."

Separately, he is an utter tool, but the recording is likely unuseable in any kind of lawsuit.

Oh dear, he’s a silly billy isn’t he?

I’m sure your representation is good but jic you were looking elsewhere, we have used Philip Landau in the past for similar, who were excellent and negotiated a stellar settlement (not sex based discrimination though so a bit different to your case, nevertheless they are gold standard employment law specialists).
Good luck!

The disadvantages of large corporate is you become a small cog in the machine used for profit and HR is there to protect management from law suits

The disadvantages of small companies is you become a bigger cog in the machine used for profit and if HR exists at all, its usually the tyrant, or another director pushing the same dictatorship ethics.

I'm getting work-hard/play hard vibes from the guy, which is usally code for ' misogynistic grifters with weapons-grade coke addictions'

I've worked in a few SMEs and my experience, both observed of colleagues' exits and personally, is that once the big boss takes against you, no matter how amazing you are, your days are numbered. If he/they want you out, they will make a mountain out of any pointless molehill they can.
So use all the advice on this thread and IRL - actual legal advice from a legit source (union? solicitor?) - plus your excellent recording and start documenting everything so that you can take him to the cleaners. Also, make sure that part of your exit package is an agreed reference which he cannot alter so that you don't have to worry about what BS he might concoct.

What a tosser!

I’m sorry to hear you have experienced this but good for you on not taking it and winning. Fingers crossed this works out the same for me 🤞🏻 I’m also in a male dominated industry x

That’s appalling.

Good luck with getting a new role and getting a decent pay out.

What about the children’s dad? What career sacrifices his he making? Could he go part time? You could both work a four day week so that you can start late and finish early on the days you are parent-in-charge?

Hahaha sadly not, my phone was pointing at my cat sleeping for most of the clip 😂

Thank you! Got a call with a highly recommended specialist solicitor on Friday who seems quite savage which is good 😂

Thanks so much ❤️

To expand on this, what you do absolutely legally have is your own “transcript”. You can very plausibly say “at 2.13pm on 2 Sept 2026, X said 123” (and then chuck in the rest of the convo with explicit timestamps, head tilts, pauses etc)

Isn’t your memory/shorthand skills amazing!

Spot on - the last line made me LOL 🤣🤣

So true, I have seen this many times in the years working for him but never thought it would be me.

I am applying for a corporate role, I’ve never liked feeling like just a number but SMEs can be even more toxic 😬

Also, thank you so much on the last bit. I never thought about an agreed reference - stop him being a lying gobsh**e