Colleague called me a relic at lunch, would you report it?

[Sacredbirman]

Had lunch with my colleague and a new intern. I was talking to the intern and she asked how long I had been in the company. I said over 20 years.
Other colleague said yes, she’s a relic.
Feeling a little hurt by this. My DD thinks I should report to HR.
What would you do? Already feel insecure in my job as HoD has made it clear he doesn’t want older women in his team (I am early 50s).
Part of me wants to just laugh it off but there is also a bit of background that he got my role when I had burnout and when I returned I wasn’t reinstated and then he was promoted to the same level as me.

If you weren’t sensitive about your career history, you wouldn’t be affected this much by this comment. Take that into account when you rehearse in your head exactly how you’re going to formulate your complaint.

What do you hope to achieve by reporting it because that's the first question in any grievance, what would a successful ouitcome be for you?

This is one of those situations where even if you won, you'd lose. Would you want to work with someone who might raise a complaint for a careless throwaway remark?

Ageism infuriates me (I'm old) but I'd genuinely have taken that as a light-hearted nothingness, and batted it back.

I don't think you'd do yourself any favours at all if you reported it. Only you know the context and background between you and this colleague, but whoever reads the report wouldn't have that info either, and is highly likely to see it as a light joke. They would potentially see you as trouble, rather than the colleague.

You are being over sensitive
Sure he didnt whip out his dictionary to check it was the correct use of the word! Was a throw away comment about the length of time you have been there

No

I’m usually a bit ‘meh’ at these things but I’d be upset too (I’m 62 and one of the oldest in my company. I think it was meant to offend, which it did.

Honestly the shit HR departments have to put up with listening to this sort of stuff all day!

I am relieved that HR people think this way as I can't get my head around grown-ups capable of holding down a job not being able to deal with these minor issues themselves. None of us has the right not to be offended. We all have the capacity to learn to say something at the time.

I’d be more likely to report your boss who has said he doesn’t want to employ older women!! The other comment is laugh off

I’d have made a comment back about their immaturity and lack of experience but I’m that way inclined.

I wouldn’t have even taken it as an insult, it’s just banter, surely.

I definitely wouldn’t report this, and am the same age as you.

Have a look at your grievance policy. I'm pretty sure the first step will be talking to your line manager to resolve informally. Why do people think HR is the answer to every minor upset at work? HR work for the company. Their job is to deal with any complaint in the way that least harms the employer.

Have you made a lot of reports to HR? If you report every little thing, they won’t take the big things seriously.

Honestly, is it a cunty reply? People want to complain and report everything these days and frankly, it’s exhausting. ‘Get a grip’ seems a fairly decent response to some people who seem to be desperate to be upset by everything.

And before anyone says anything, I’m woke as fuck, but honestly.

I wouldn’t report to HR. Not a particularly nice comment, but not necessarily meant maliciously. I would try and laugh it off (and possibly think of a subtle put-down for your colleague for a future occasion…) 🤣

I wouldn't, but I'd be on the lookout for ageist comments that may reflect on your perceived competency in the role.

Get over it.

I’ve been in my workplace 19years alongside a few colleagues and people often make jokes about the lefty of time.

It’s not meant as an insult.

HR is there for when people about to do things to harm you deliberately. don’t report to HR.

You could challenge if your returned from sick leave and had your role changed - especially if a drop in pay without an OH assessment.

Jeez. What have we become?

No. Unclench

Report your boss, not this woman.

I don't know why you're bothered about being called a relic. Someone making it clear they don't want older women on the team is what you should be getting angry about and reporting to HR.

I’d have probably Referred to myself as a relic in that situation

Good grief, just fire a witty one liner straight back.
I did that with the guy in the office who insults everyone as banter and he thought it was hilarious and tells people about my put down to him and how he deserved it.

If someone called me the office relic I would be saying 'That's Vintage Expert to you, thank you very much!!!'

I manage people and if someone same to me, I'd be very surprised that (a) they found it so offensive and (b) they couldn't handle it themselves.

I would want to know why don't accept that it was a nod to their year's of experience, what they are so offended, and why thry didn't respind in an effort to smooth it over or prevent if from happening again.

If they raise a formal compliant, I would consider it excessive and speak to the offender along the line of please be careful with your use of language as some people may consider it ageist whether than was the intention or not. I wouldn't give them a warning or anything further.

I would be more considered about the colleague and their extreme reaction to a flippant, one off comment. I would be worried about that.

If it's a continous campaign of insulting comments, that's a very different matter.