Colleague called me a relic at lunch, would you report it?

[Sacredbirman]

Had lunch with my colleague and a new intern. I was talking to the intern and she asked how long I had been in the company. I said over 20 years.
Other colleague said yes, she’s a relic.
Feeling a little hurt by this. My DD thinks I should report to HR.
What would you do? Already feel insecure in my job as HoD has made it clear he doesn’t want older women in his team (I am early 50s).
Part of me wants to just laugh it off but there is also a bit of background that he got my role when I had burnout and when I returned I wasn’t reinstated and then he was promoted to the same level as me.

I don’t even think they need to apologise. It’s normal thing to say to make an intern feel comfortable

I think dealing with it yourself at the time would have been the best approach.

I can’t believe all the “ get over it” comments. Of course it’s ageist. I’m in my 50s and my workplace would not have produced such comments. It’s well known older women face greater difficulties securing jobs.

Exactly. I have also heard people make similar jokey remarks about themselves when they have been at a company 15-20+ years, like 'they'll take me out of here in a wooden box!'

I joke with a friend of mine who has been at her workplace for 27 years when the next longest time served member of staff is 8 years, that she is the Ken Barlow of the company. She laughs, and says 'I wish I was on the same money as him!' 😆 Inexplicably she's not offended!

I wonder if he’s not keen on over 50s because they’re miserable and can’t brush off small things.
From the comments, this seems to be the general view. We older women "can't take a joke'. We've to laugh off ageist banter, pretend it isn't meant to demean and insult, and think that perhaps we should leave our jobs before we're pushed.

I've only read the OP's responses.

Your HOD is your problem, as is whoever you complained to. Keep diary notes, and records of the meeting where you were fobbed off.

This was some time ago, but a HOD in a school I taught in lost a disciplinary because he had advised another teacher (the disciplinee, if that's a word) they'd be better off in another job.

I hope you're in a union. If not, do so asap.

You sound really sensitive over this one. Early 50s and mid 40s are the same age! You’re 10% older than he is, some 5 years apart, so I really doubt he was trying to call out your age as realistically he’s just as old as you are. He’d be offending himself too surely?

to me the relic comment is clearly referring to your long tenure with the company, as it was said after you told everyone you’ve already worked there for 20 years! as opposed to unsolicited. If he was pulled in to give a response to your complaint, he could easily defend it.

the bigger issue is that you have a poor relationship with your own boss and seem to be in the process of getting managed out, so ultimately I think you need to pick your battles wisely here. Would it be a better use of your energy to focus on applying for new roles, and ultimately leave what seems to be a bad environment for you? As opposed to choosing this as the hill to die on as the situation will sap away your energy. Regardless of this complaint, your boss will simultaneously keep trying to get rid of you, so this complaint isn’t going to resolve your bigger issue.

People literally make those jokes about themselves after a few years, or even months, of service! If you’re in a high turnover environment and become one of the more experienced/longstanding staff members, regardless of time, it’s just natural to feel that way as you’ll see people come and go, flavours of the month, change in culture etc.

In that case, as he’s a similar age to you, you could view the comment as a ‘s/he’s part of the furniture’ type comment due to your length of service.

it’s not appropriate to make the comment either way. However if this particular person hasn’t made any previous comments I’d let it slide but report it if he said a similar thing again.

Because that isn't part of a pattern of ageism and nothing like OPs situation.

You do see how making a joke about yourself and someone making a "joke" about you are 2 different things, right?

No don’t report it. Give it back and don’t let something so silly bother you.

You are waaaaaay too touchy.

I would take relic to mean a treasure. Something old that we love and keep around because it's important.

Jeez… ‘wet wipe’ ‘off hand comment’ ‘lighten up’ ‘miserable’ ‘touchy’ - would those comments be appropriate for other people with protected characteristics who felt vulnerable about their perceived value at work and had to deal with mocking micro aggressions? No. But because she’s an older woman it’s all good? Unbelievable.

But it’s not an ageist thing sure the guy who made the comment is more or less the same age . It’s just being playful about how long she has been working there . Honestly if people start putting in formal complaints about ridiculous things like this it’s an insult to people who are genuinely bullied at work . It’s beyond snowflakey to be upset at this .

A women in their 50s is not an “older woman “ ffs . It’s midlife . The person who made the comment is also middle aged

This would be an absolutely ridiculous thing to report to HR. It’s a lighthearted way of referring to someone who’s been there so long they’re considered part of the furniture.

Surviving Memorial or Object: A surviving memorial of the past, or an old object valued for its age or association with history.
Surviving Trace or Custom: A remnant or custom that has survived from an earlier period (such as an outmoded tradition).
Souvenir or Memento: Something kept in remembrance.
Ecclesiastical / Religious: The body, a part of the body, or a personal item of a saint or martyr preserved as worthy of veneration.
Person or Thing of an Earlier Era: Someone or something that belongs to the past but has survived into modern times

I think you're overthinking it.

A lot of people don't really know every definition of every word and some, although through context they've learnt what the word means broadly, but nobody consults a dictionary whilst they're having a conversation.

@Uricon2 "After 27 years at the same workplace I was known as 'Yoda', used to my face. I took it as a compliment which I believe it was meant as."

And I'd agree with you. It was clearly suggesting that you have a wealth of knowledge relating to your workplace and type of work. The term relic is the exact opposite. It means something old, irrelevant and useless.

It doesn’t, you know. A relic is just as likely to be a prized ancient artefact as something old and useless. Look at the relics of saints, venerated hundreds of years after their deaths, believed by some to have miraculous powers.

No, it doesn't. I'm not sure why you keep saying that.

And they say the younger gen are snowflakes 😂

Blimey, really? The term relic means "old, obsolete, useless and irrelevant". So if you are being called it by colleagues (and I really hope you aren't), then I think you'll find that they're laughing at you, and basically saying you're way past your sell by date.

Isn't relic often used to mean something valued and interesting because of it's age though?