Colleague called me a relic at lunch, would you report it?

[Sacredbirman]

Had lunch with my colleague and a new intern. I was talking to the intern and she asked how long I had been in the company. I said over 20 years.
Other colleague said yes, she’s a relic.
Feeling a little hurt by this. My DD thinks I should report to HR.
What would you do? Already feel insecure in my job as HoD has made it clear he doesn’t want older women in his team (I am early 50s).
Part of me wants to just laugh it off but there is also a bit of background that he got my role when I had burnout and when I returned I wasn’t reinstated and then he was promoted to the same level as me.

Then this is what you should be reporting @Sacredbirman. That’s unacceptable ageism.

Lighten up

What do you hope to achieve by ‘reporting’ it? The person won’t be dismissed or probably even receive a warning. Then you have to continue working there where everyone knows that they need to watch what they say around you and keep a wide berth of you.

If you had an issue with the comment just address your colleague directly about it and also figure out why it triggered you so much.

Are you for real, seriously get a grip & a sense of humour 🙄

I was at my company for 30 years, I was referred to as a relic, part of the furniture, came out of the ark and all sorts but you know what? 20/30 years in the same organisation means you've never done anything to be pulled up for, never had to move, always done your job well. You can bluff for a few years but not for quarter of a century. Take it as a compliment.

Are you Gen X or Gen x?

get a grip this is too far ‘report’

we will loose our creative use of language at this rate

that all said if you upset I’m sorry about this for you and maybe consider if you generally ok or has this touched a nerve for another reason.

I'd email HR again using the original email that you reported your boss on and ask them how they are going to protect their organisation from discrimination related tribunals in light of the new employments rights Bill. Then add please see your original response to my request below and cc in the CEO and head of HR.

https://www.hr-inform.co.uk/employment-rights-act

https://www.business.gov.uk/campaign/employment-changes/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=23603521178&gbraid=0AAAABC83IA6_mrATi4zcpWRnGGYusbc7I&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI6Iimseu-lgMVtZNQBh1AmTxCEAAYASAAEgIQM_D_BwE

https://www.acas.org.uk/discrimination-and-bullying

I find that when you turn a situation round and point out the negative financial impact for the employer, they suddenly become compliant.

Not long ago a worker was awarded over £100k at a tribunal because her manager forced her to fly in for a meeting that he didn't bother turning up for. So if you point out that your boss will cost them ££ in a tribunal for being discriminatory and you've got email evidence that they originally ignored you, you will find that they'll suddenly become receptive.

I can't believe you're taking this seriously. I have been called so so much worse Grow up

I'm not uptight, and would perceive that someone is saying I'm experienced.

No thank you 😊

Practice a bit of resilience and some comebacks.

Relic? Something precious and valuable that Indiana Jones would like to get his hands on - yes please!

Ancient? With age comes great wisdom - happy to be consulted if you need help understanding the work.

Part of the furniture? Well I certainly know where all the bodies are buried. Wink Wink.

Etc.

Bring some toughness and strong positivity to any office talk about aging or older women.

It's ageist bullshit which I would let go.this time but not if it happens again.

Eh, no!

Keep your evidence in case you need it in the future for a tribunal.

@Sacredbirman you do seem uber sensitive.
I think the most likely explanation is that your colleague picked the wrong word to describe how established you are in the company.
Not everyone has a perfect vocabulary on the tip of their tongue. Reporting to HR sounds like massive overkill and won't do you any favours.

They're not on my bingo card...

Relic doesn't mean "useless and irrelevant" at all

Nowhere was the OP asked her age — it was the length of time she’d been at this employer that was being remarked on.

My approach when complaining is to think:
What is the outcome I want here?
And then I make it clear.

If you just want a vent - vent away here (or to your family).

If you want your colleague to know you are hurt by the comment - tell them. 'Hey, Bob, just a heads' up, that relic comment you made was kind of hurtful. The outcome I want is an apology.'

If you want Bob to get into trouble, tell HR: 'Bob made an ageist comment to me that I found offensive and inappropriate. The outcome I want is for Bob to be spoken to.'

If you are certain that your boss is ageist, tell HR - 'I have been the subject of ageist remarks. The outcome I want is for you to investigate the culture of ageism in the firm'.

What is the outcome you want? one of the above or something else!

Your HoD is disgusting and should be sacked.

However I wouldn’t find relic offensive. I work in an all female department where I am a similar age to the others but they have many more years of experience. They call themselves relics and me a fetus. It’s all in good jest because we know each other’s sense of humour. The labels are based on knowledge and experience- I know a teeny tiny amount compared to the other women.

I understand that your experience with your boss might make you more vigilant about comments about age and that I don’t know your colleague. You were there and know him so have a better idea if it was meant maliciously.

Report what exactly to who? Doesn't relic mean you know the ropes well, as you've been there a long time?

My boss, for absolutely no reason, used to repeatedly call me a "miserable old bag" in a job I had ten years ago, when I was barely into my 40s, and no I wasn't remotely miserable. I was helpful and smiley. I was trying to get a perm role there so was extra nice to everyone and worked hard. I can be snippy when really pushed, which wasn't the case there. (well, after the third time of being called that name, I did indeed begin to feel aggrieved).

Honestly if I had a pound for every time someone had called me a jokey/even bordering on offensive word at work, or had my name mocked/misspelled (it's an unusual name) I wouldn't need to work as I'd be so rich. I don't think relic falls under offensive.

I wouldn't report (just yet) but would make a note of any words or behaviour that was off eg. Ageist comments, being left out of meetings, discussions etc. If the HOD is like this then potentially other colleagues will be picking up on his idea that only young people are relevant. Fwiw it would also be taken seriously in the company I work for and the person would be spoken to by HR and pointed to additional training.

This....no more to be said.

Genuinely, no.

Grow a thicker skin. You don’t need to run off crying to HR any time someone so much as farts in your direction. HTH