Constant criticism from people I manage about my management

[Teakake]

As per the title, I am finding myself receiving unsolicited feedback from staff. I am significantly younger than many of them and in the past they have been used to a manager who hangs around drinking tea and asking about your weekend plans, or getting caught up in tiny details and basically doing all the perceived ‘easy’ little jobs which other staff are already here to do.

Problem is, this was running the business down the drain, and the most important jobs were not getting done, so I am a business manager, here to get efficiencies. I am not answering the phones at reception because I employ people to do that and my time is spent on other areas of the business.

However do not get this wrong, I will gladly pitch in if help is needed and we are unexpectedly busy or understaffed, I do not think of myself as too good for any job and I know how everyone’s job works as I have learnt this from them directly.

I do not micromanage - I am here for support if it’s needed. I don’t work remotely, am on site all day full time. I am very busy so I am often whizzing around and will say hi quickly in passing, and I ask staff to give me a heads up about what they want to talk to me about so that I can prioritise if this is urgent or not, as some of my work is very time critical.

The staff feel I don’t spend enough time with them. I ask why they want this time, is it work related? If so, I will arrange training.

No it’s because they want to feel important and special to me.

They are constantly interrupting me, demanding my time and when I give it to them, they just use that time to complain. I try to help them get out of circular thinking they don’t want to, So I leave the discussion with no resolution.

Even if I tell them that I don’t have extra time, I am in meetings and I have deadlines, it’s never good enough. I am here all day but they say ‘we never see you’ or ‘you don’t show any interest in us’ and ‘you are cold and too professional’.

They are important as humans, and valued in the workplace so I ensure they all have a safe working environment, stable work patterns, adequate training, annual appraisals, work related meetings.

No this is not what they mean. They are offended I am not their FRIEND. I am not befriending them and sitting on their desk chit chatting.

I do not want to be their friend. I just want to be their manager.

I am going to be honest, the clingy neediness is not helping, it feels like I have a large group of ladies clinging to my arms like small children, dragging me down.

I have put in boundaries and they do not respond well.

I approached my managers and asked if they agreed with this feedback from staff. They said no, I am doing exactly what they want me to do. I asked if they wanted me to do anything differently. They said no, my performance was great. There is no issue. The issue is the staff who have bad attitudes. I have suggested sharing an overview of my diary with the whole team so they can see how busy I am. No, they just want me to performance manage these people - which I am, but as they are constantly criticising me, we just don’t make any progress.

My managers are not helping me here.

In order to get out of this rut I have the following options:

-Put them all on last warning/performance plans
-take a tribunal risk and start letting people go (not all that comfortable with this, because it’s started to concern me I am part of the issue)
-Leave myself and get a new job
-start faking friendliness to the detriment of my job and productivity (I can’t do this!)
-take out formal grievances on the ring leaders to force my managers to intervene

I think there's a happy medium to be struck here. Yes, you're there to do a job and not to make friends, but people are not robots and showing an interest in people as individuals ultimately makes people feel more valued and produces better results.

I don't think it would hurt you to have a cup of tea and ask them about their weekend. You are massively underestimating the 'people' part of your job, it will not end well.

Out of your options, however, I would suggest 3 or 4. Are you able to get something else that doesn't involve people skills?

I would add that the people I promote to senior management positions are the ones with the best people skills. Every single time.

Leave and get a job that doesn't involve managing people.

One that could work would be a weekly meeting, ideally with coffee and cake, where any issues could be raised, would save having 6 people telling you separately and also if they do approach you you say great, bring it up at the meeting.

Echo previous people, you cannot be a ‘people’ manager if you cannot manage relationships with people. I get on well with my staff and ask them about their weekends/families from time to time, but I’m not their friend and I doubt they’d see me as such. I have a door open policy if they have an issue that is affecting their health or wellbeing which helps to engender a sense of care, if your workload is unmanageable with this in the mix, then you need to delegate more. People is half of the job!

-Leave myself and get a new job

Yes, that's what you should do for everyone else's sake. You aren't suited to a people management role at all.

I would say that you need to work on your interpersonal skill set. Obviously you are going to think they are brilliant but that would not seem to be the case from your post. Some good suggestions already listed.

A great manager will listen to their staff. You don’t have to be their best friend but you should be friendly and approachable.

I found that often when people are promoted to a management position, they suddenly turn from a well-liked, friendly team member to an uptight, officious overlord because in their minds, that’s what a manager should be.

I really suggest you hear them out and talk through a compromise that helps them to feel more supported.

Yeah you cant manage people without listening to those people. They are telling you what they need, listen and find a happy medium that you can provide or leave and find a job that doesnt require you to manage real people.

All of the best managers I have ever worked with give the impression that they value each individual in the team. They make time to check in on you, spend a couple of minutes of small talk asking something they know is important to you (How's the new baby? How is the marathon training going? Did you have fun in Wales?) That brief chat then segues into checking in on work load, skill training, targets, priorities etc - a focused discussion about what needs to be done.

Whizzing around being constantly too busy to give anyone time of day is not necessarily the best way to manage a team, and though I believe you when you say you don't think you are too important to muck in, the way you are working may give the impression that you feel the workers are just cogs in your wheel.

Do you have a quick team meeting a couple of times a week - overview view of the targets for the week ahead, checking in on staffing issues, workloads etc? These can be friendly - coffee and chat for 5 mins before the meeting starts. The meeting itself doesn;t need to be longer than 10 mins - it's just a group check in.

Ok so firstly , there is a huge difference between being a manager and a leader. The key to a high performing team ( which you need) is to make time for the people in it. You come across as quite unapproachable, I’m not sure if you mean to. I have a high pressure job and manage a big team but I ALWAYS make time for them. They drop me a teams message and I contact them asap. Do you need to do all this work yourself of could you effectively delegate some.

I inherited a team and some of them were lazy and did have a bad attitude , this was a hangover from crap previous leadership. Lack of support and people running to performance plans when all that was actually needed was time.

I am not their friend , I am their manager but I do respect them and make time for them I ask them about their weekends and families and stuff because I’m a human. I think you need to try and soften a bit.

have you had any compassionate leadership training? This approach might help you here.

I have great working relationships with other people in the business. I am told I am a people person by my employers. I have to network/build and maintain relationships with external stakeholders too, and I am not getting that feedback.

Plus I employed someone to do the HR, who is a very people oriented person, and these ladies have rejected this person too! This years appraisals they all ganged together to demand she was excluded. So I had to do their appraisals

I don’t mind having tea with people or chatting in passing if they are pleasant company (and I have time) but some of these ladies are not pleasant company at all. Plus my role doesn’t give me the time to do it. I would need to sacrifice something else - either my own time (and I have a family of my own)

Do you have scheduled 1:1 time with them? Do they have objectives? Do you have structured team meetings? Have you considered an away day to discuss work? Management is about more than getting the job done

You say work related meetings but do you have 1-1s on any basis? Weekly/fortnightly? For 15 - 30 mins? “Hi, how are you? Etc etc “ it’s not a huge amount of time but can help break the barriers that now seem to be up between you and your team. You don’t need to be their friend but a level of interest and friendliness goes a long way

You are a people manager.

The staff feel I don’t spend enough time with them.
it’s because they want to feel important and special to me

Yep that is exactly it. You literally know what you need to do...
They want to stand in the sunshine of your love for a few minutes.

Go make your tea when one or two of them are at tea point, ask about their weekends... when you are popping out to lunch ask if anyone wants to join you.
Do 2 hours of "office hours" once a fortnight

Etc etc

You have to manage people. Honestly some of the stuff I have dealt with was nonsense but my team loved me because I had their backs and if I asked them to go the extra mile they would...

@MellowPinkDeer I am always approachable if you need me but often they are interrupting me in meetings to do things like complain about the building temperature, or randomly demand a pay rise

They are in a transition from one management style to another. Have you spoken about this openly at all? Have you explained to them what you are doing and why?
Have you praised them for things they are doing well?
Do you remember their names and make at least some conversation with them?
I think you need to see teambuilding and relationship management as one of your tasks and schedule it like you would anything else.
If there are actual problems with how they are working, a PIP on the worst offenders may have effects on the others.

You sound like a great employee but a terrible manager. If I had a business I would be happy with your approach but if I was your subordinate I would hate it

have You arranged any all staff days dedicated solely to team bonding? It doesn’t sound like you want to take an interest in them which is quite insulting. I understand you have duties but I do think you’ve overlooked a crucial element of managing a team - team morale?

I haven’t worked anywhere where appraisals were done by anyone but the manager; what was your reason for involving HR in this? If there was a legitimate business reason it is also strange that you have given in to their demands as this sets you up for a permanent situation where they think they can get what they want by moaning.

Have you been on management courses? What’s your management style? Sounds very clinical which often doesn’t yield good team morale

I am a business manager, we have a HR manager. They have rejected the HR manager, so together we are trying to manage these people in this constant conflict.

Yes we give them 1:1’s and they get team meetings to discuss their work. We put on events for staff too and often they don’t bother turning up

I think this is an important perspective that you're perhaps missing. The people bits are part of your job and you need to start looking at them as such, and not as optional extras

It sounds like you're prioritising everything else and then saying that you don't have time to invest in building effective working relationships with your team. It isn't that you don't have time, though...it's that you're choosing to prioritise other things instead. Effectively, you're sending your team a message that they are just not thatimportant for you.

You have a very transactional approach to the management relationship, and you clearly think that you're fulfilling your end of the bargain, but your staff are telling you that they need you to invest more time and effort in building relationships. You can choose to ignore that feedback if you wish, but ultimately, it will impact negatively on your team's performance and on your own career progression. Happy teams are generally the most productive.