Constant criticism from people I manage about my management

[Teakake]

As per the title, I am finding myself receiving unsolicited feedback from staff. I am significantly younger than many of them and in the past they have been used to a manager who hangs around drinking tea and asking about your weekend plans, or getting caught up in tiny details and basically doing all the perceived ‘easy’ little jobs which other staff are already here to do.

Problem is, this was running the business down the drain, and the most important jobs were not getting done, so I am a business manager, here to get efficiencies. I am not answering the phones at reception because I employ people to do that and my time is spent on other areas of the business.

However do not get this wrong, I will gladly pitch in if help is needed and we are unexpectedly busy or understaffed, I do not think of myself as too good for any job and I know how everyone’s job works as I have learnt this from them directly.

I do not micromanage - I am here for support if it’s needed. I don’t work remotely, am on site all day full time. I am very busy so I am often whizzing around and will say hi quickly in passing, and I ask staff to give me a heads up about what they want to talk to me about so that I can prioritise if this is urgent or not, as some of my work is very time critical.

The staff feel I don’t spend enough time with them. I ask why they want this time, is it work related? If so, I will arrange training.

No it’s because they want to feel important and special to me.

They are constantly interrupting me, demanding my time and when I give it to them, they just use that time to complain. I try to help them get out of circular thinking they don’t want to, So I leave the discussion with no resolution.

Even if I tell them that I don’t have extra time, I am in meetings and I have deadlines, it’s never good enough. I am here all day but they say ‘we never see you’ or ‘you don’t show any interest in us’ and ‘you are cold and too professional’.

They are important as humans, and valued in the workplace so I ensure they all have a safe working environment, stable work patterns, adequate training, annual appraisals, work related meetings.

No this is not what they mean. They are offended I am not their FRIEND. I am not befriending them and sitting on their desk chit chatting.

I do not want to be their friend. I just want to be their manager.

I am going to be honest, the clingy neediness is not helping, it feels like I have a large group of ladies clinging to my arms like small children, dragging me down.

I have put in boundaries and they do not respond well.

I approached my managers and asked if they agreed with this feedback from staff. They said no, I am doing exactly what they want me to do. I asked if they wanted me to do anything differently. They said no, my performance was great. There is no issue. The issue is the staff who have bad attitudes. I have suggested sharing an overview of my diary with the whole team so they can see how busy I am. No, they just want me to performance manage these people - which I am, but as they are constantly criticising me, we just don’t make any progress.

My managers are not helping me here.

In order to get out of this rut I have the following options:

-Put them all on last warning/performance plans
-take a tribunal risk and start letting people go (not all that comfortable with this, because it’s started to concern me I am part of the issue)
-Leave myself and get a new job
-start faking friendliness to the detriment of my job and productivity (I can’t do this!)
-take out formal grievances on the ring leaders to force my managers to intervene

Later updates say its 5% of staff. From personal experience- few bad apples ruit the atmosphere for everyone.
At my previous job I used to look forward to shit stirrers having time off as everyone was happier

Yes, HR person here and fed up with people thinking we are some sort of workforce police force!

I think you need to reflect on your management style here.
You may be coming across as being a busy bee to your staff rushing here there and everywhere without time for them,
If they see you rushing around and not spending time in relationships they will feel undervalued.
I manage a team and have good relationships with my team members however they are not my friends.
But I put connection with them at the forefront of everything. Then the rest falls into place. Happy team = better performance.
This means regular check in, regular one to ones that are focused on them.
I do regular team meetings, ask them for feedback as to how we can improve.
Ive started introducing regular break outs for coffee and cake which is just a chit chat.
This helps them feel valued and I think this is an area you need to work on.

I actually think you are not managing the line managers very well.

You should be having a weekly meeting individually with each line manager , and a weekly line managers meeting with all of them .

Anyone else that comes to you refer to their line manager and say that they will address it in their relevant meetings. Grey rock them

I think you are resented by your staff because you are younger and their manager. No amount of buttering them up will change this because you are not one of them. You are a professional trying to do a job.

Good luck to you.

Imo you are doing exactly what you should. I used to work as a turnaround manager fir underperforming care homes, often the problems were that the previous manager and staff were best buddies,they had recruited their friends as staff to make a cosy work life. My advice would be to tell them this is how it's going to be, it won't change to how it was, wait for them to leave and then recruit staff that you want

Wowsers. In the global company I work for (think big tech) business managers aren’t senior enough for the attitude radiating from you. We have VP’s, Senior VP’s, EVP’s etc. I suggest if you want to aspire to those roles perhaps you need to know the arrogance down a bit. I doubt the organisation you work for will fall to pieces if you stop for a minute to actually deploy some people skills.

Start with the main moaners. They sound like a bunch of babies. I love a distant manager, who as long as you are on top of your job, leaves you alone.

Engaged staff are more productive.

Why don't you schedule a weekly "open forum" 30mins just before lunch one day, bring your sarnies welcome. No agenda.

Then there in your scheduled slot ask them about their lives. Its now scheduled, its controlled and its not a waste of time and engagement, and thus performance improve

I promise if you put them on performance plans or threaten their jobs the environment will get worse and this time senior managers will blame you

Have they had a roles and responsibilities meeting- so they undertake your role and their own?

There's something about your piat that makes me instinctively feel I wouldn't want to be managed by you.You do sound a bit up your own arse.

It’s really hard to work in a culture such as this, I imagine they haven’t been set good objectives and been held to account previously, and aren’t used to being appropriately performance managed.

if the directors are supporting a change of culture then you have a good chance of really making your mark but if not, you’re on a hiding to nothing and I’d leave.

💯

Why do you hate asking how someone’s weekend was? What an odd thing to say.

You're part of the team - start acting like it and not a self-important overseer....

I do have empathy for the OP.

I hate horrible managers.

However i have just become an accidental manager. I didnt apply for the position, i was just automatically promoted as the old person left.

This will make me a manager for the first time ever. And i am nervous. If the people im going to manage are nasty to me in any way, i wont know how to deal with it and will probably look for a new job.

I think the whole management system is old fahsioned. One person over a team of people does not work.

No you don't. You sound businesslike and professional.

It is almost a tradition in the UK to resent your manager.

No, she sounds out of her depth with zero experience in people management. She sounds like a fantastic delivery / execution person if you need some work to get done but has zero clue about managing and leading people. Especially difficult people! This is actually a great opportunity to develop her skills and could be a stepping stone to advance her career longer term but she needs to stop thinking in such black and white transactional terms and focus on empathy, EQ and what actually motivates people.

And let them continue to disrespect her.

I've recently worked for the best manager I've ever had, he was so encouraging and motivating and took time to get to know me as a person, gave me opportunities and frequently praised my work. I used to come out of his office after a 121 on a high thinking I would jump through a hoop of fire for him now! Never had that before, usually you get ignored til you do something wrong then told off in my experience.
OP which manager do you want to be. Which would get more results from your team?

You sound a quite different person to those the op has the misfortune to manage.

I was reading this earlier, it might be helpful OP. Link to download the full report.

https://theshift.company/insights/shifting-expectations-2025