Constant criticism from people I manage about my management

[Teakake]

As per the title, I am finding myself receiving unsolicited feedback from staff. I am significantly younger than many of them and in the past they have been used to a manager who hangs around drinking tea and asking about your weekend plans, or getting caught up in tiny details and basically doing all the perceived ‘easy’ little jobs which other staff are already here to do.

Problem is, this was running the business down the drain, and the most important jobs were not getting done, so I am a business manager, here to get efficiencies. I am not answering the phones at reception because I employ people to do that and my time is spent on other areas of the business.

However do not get this wrong, I will gladly pitch in if help is needed and we are unexpectedly busy or understaffed, I do not think of myself as too good for any job and I know how everyone’s job works as I have learnt this from them directly.

I do not micromanage - I am here for support if it’s needed. I don’t work remotely, am on site all day full time. I am very busy so I am often whizzing around and will say hi quickly in passing, and I ask staff to give me a heads up about what they want to talk to me about so that I can prioritise if this is urgent or not, as some of my work is very time critical.

The staff feel I don’t spend enough time with them. I ask why they want this time, is it work related? If so, I will arrange training.

No it’s because they want to feel important and special to me.

They are constantly interrupting me, demanding my time and when I give it to them, they just use that time to complain. I try to help them get out of circular thinking they don’t want to, So I leave the discussion with no resolution.

Even if I tell them that I don’t have extra time, I am in meetings and I have deadlines, it’s never good enough. I am here all day but they say ‘we never see you’ or ‘you don’t show any interest in us’ and ‘you are cold and too professional’.

They are important as humans, and valued in the workplace so I ensure they all have a safe working environment, stable work patterns, adequate training, annual appraisals, work related meetings.

No this is not what they mean. They are offended I am not their FRIEND. I am not befriending them and sitting on their desk chit chatting.

I do not want to be their friend. I just want to be their manager.

I am going to be honest, the clingy neediness is not helping, it feels like I have a large group of ladies clinging to my arms like small children, dragging me down.

I have put in boundaries and they do not respond well.

I approached my managers and asked if they agreed with this feedback from staff. They said no, I am doing exactly what they want me to do. I asked if they wanted me to do anything differently. They said no, my performance was great. There is no issue. The issue is the staff who have bad attitudes. I have suggested sharing an overview of my diary with the whole team so they can see how busy I am. No, they just want me to performance manage these people - which I am, but as they are constantly criticising me, we just don’t make any progress.

My managers are not helping me here.

In order to get out of this rut I have the following options:

-Put them all on last warning/performance plans
-take a tribunal risk and start letting people go (not all that comfortable with this, because it’s started to concern me I am part of the issue)
-Leave myself and get a new job
-start faking friendliness to the detriment of my job and productivity (I can’t do this!)
-take out formal grievances on the ring leaders to force my managers to intervene

Also agree eith the above, doing a team personality test then all sharing the results all together. Google team personality tests there are some that are free for small teams.

OP you say you're significantly younger than most people there - how much work experience do you have? How many years of actually managing people? I'm in my 50s now and have been told by many people that I'm the best boss they've ever had - but I know that people would not have said that 25 years ago when I was starting out. It takes a while to learn your own style and what works/doesn't work and how best to deal with all the different sorts of people you'll come across. It could be that you need some specific management training (in terms of people management, not 'business management' as you refer to) or it could indeed be that people management is just not your thing. In which case, you're in the wrong job. Only you will know but you do need to be honest with yourself and open to feedback.

It sounds like the OP is doing a weird mix of pandering to staff (such as allowing them to dictate that only their second line manager can do their appraisals) and not bothering to invest in building relationships.

The thing you need to understand, OP, is that taking the time to build strong working relationships makes it easier to push through unpopular decisions when you actually need to take them.

There are times when I have to push back on staff and tell them that they can't have what they want. However, I am able to do this because I have invested in the relationships upfront, and the staff therefore trust that I'm making the unpopular decisions for valid reasons.

Ex manager here and I was in a similar situation. What I did (and it wasn't a cake walk) was continue to be me. Calm polite friendly me but me. If any of the staff were not doing what they should be doing so far as the job went, then I addressed it as per the proper procedures and my door was (literally) always open for genuine enquiries and issues... but I made sure that it was always evident that I was busy and I used phrases like "I mustn't keep you" "Don't let me hold you up" and so on. It actually got to the point where the staff "summoned me" to a meeting to addrss their complaints and I went. I asked them to say what their issues were and it came down to "you aren't like our old boss" "You don't eat lunch with us" oh and "we liked things the way they are and you have changed them" My responses were "nope I am not like your old boss" "I work part time and don't actually get lunch breaks" and "I am changing things because I have been put here to change things to improve results. Management want these improvements and they are going to happen. If anyone has thoughts on how we could improve the changes then please please tell me but they will happen and if its not me doing them, it will be someone else."
Hold your nerve OP it gets better.

From the information you've provided you're not being bullied. You're clearly struggling in your role - if I was your manager, I would consider discussing a performance improvement plan with you.

"Why are you allowing the employees to come direct to you for day to day things like time off? That's a line manager's job."

Normally yes, but I've worked in places where it's had to have gone through a higher boss too because employees potentially affected (e.g. having to cover for me) have a different line manager.

Are you British, OP? The way you talk makes it seem like you might not be. I wonder if there's a culture clash at play here.

I think a good manager makes their staff feel valued on a personal level and that does require getting to know them a bit personally. This doesn't mean you're obliged to be friends, but you can certainly be friendly. My manager will make time in team meetings to ask everyone how they are, if they have any nice things lined up outside of work etc... she'll also occasionally try and organise a dinner / drinks as a team or we all go for a coffee.

Having these more personal interactions makes me feel at ease with her and that I can confidently approach her if I have any issues at work and she'll support me. She also does little gestures that make me feel appreciated and cared about as a person eg I'll have mentioned that my husband is going away for work for a week and she'll message me and ask if it would make my life easier to WFH that week. Just a small accommodation, but hugely helpful and appreciated by me. This in turn makes me motivated to work hard for her.

So I think you are underestimating how you being more personable could benefit your team and the business. People work harder for good managers who appreciate them.

Maybe but we have a weight loss challenge going on at work atm (something that the workforce suggested themselves; it’s about pounds lost, no start weights are mentioned) and all sorts of interesting alliances and new friendships have been formed because of it. Even the non-participants are taking an interest. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as you emerge with a more cohesive group at the end of it.

Then maybe have a policy for appraisals which says who should be there.

Why on earth were their demands agreed to?

Your solutions sound quite drastic and, I must confess, as an older person, if someone a lot younger started putting me on warning notices etc for what I had been doing for years, I would probably get quite stroppy. Why not bring each person into your office individually. Have a chat with them. Find out about their family and hobbies. Ask what they like about the job, what they don't like, and where they think improvements can be made. Or, go and find yourself a more modern and cut throat company to work in. Sounds like a lot of mismatching. If you are a good leader, you will have a good and loyal team. People need to know why, how, and what. And, if they are all on board, you will have a successful team.

I think you have a lot to unravel in that workplace. Maybe it is not the right culture fit for you. A manager who thinks of filing grievances and talks of ringleaders in their group has lost their sense of direction. It is ok if you are textbook smart with management skills and many places would probably be a great fit. Maybe somewhere where cash or bonus rewards are given directly to staff for reaching a target. This place sounds like they have more of a people-focused culture and the people are saying, “Hey, sit down and have a chat with us,” but you are too busy to do this.

They don’t want to be your friend, by the way. I bet none of them have said this directly. This is one of your many assumptions of this workplace.

Someone I know was happy in their job for years. Suddenly, they got a new sharp manager who treated them all like robots. Said friend applied for another job more suited to their skills and got a pay rise in the new job of more than half more than the old job. Better working conditions, better pension, nicer people to work with. Sometimes a sharp manager can improve a situation by driving people out into something better for the leaver.

" it’s about pounds lost, no start weights are mentioned"

We used to have one at a previous workplace. I would never have won because I'm short and couldn't have lost that many pounds. To be fair, it should have been percentage of your weight. However, I think these kinds of things are probably not politically correct any more because of anti-diet culture mentality (not that I agree with that, but I can foresee problems!).

except she has already said that her manager is happy with what she is doing.

I work in a company that merged with a new manager that doesn’t talk to us unless she wants something. Now whilst I am more than capable of getting on and leading my work and I don’t really need to speak to her anyway, what this has resulted in is;
non relationship with her
the team is not a team we are not integrated
no trust

to the point it’s so bad most of us want to find new jobs and we don’t have a good word to say about our manager.

you need to build relationships and you need to make time for them. Get your nose out from the clouds and do better.

Sounds like you are just not suited to this job / environment. I think middle management is a hard place to be - squeezed between competing demands of others around you.
I'd say look for another job - for me it's most important to like the people you work with. And try to avoid having to manage anyone!

some rally weird suggestions on here.....Team personality rests???? WT actual F?

Her manager may not be aware of what's kicking off below though.

From the very first post I actually wondered if the OP might be autistic (no disrespect meant to anyone with autism, I’m ND myself). There is something very robotic/off about them. I work in investment banking so an industry well known for its lack of ‘humanity’ 😉but even in that world the OP’s people style (or lack of) would be unacceptable. The OP seems to have zero EQ.

you are speaking as though there is no middle way.

I think you might underestimating the importance of being impersonable. Also, you may not be familiar with the work culture. Or it may be your not a good fit for this team.

This is not the job for you. Everything you’ve said points to that.