Constant criticism from people I manage about my management

[Teakake]

As per the title, I am finding myself receiving unsolicited feedback from staff. I am significantly younger than many of them and in the past they have been used to a manager who hangs around drinking tea and asking about your weekend plans, or getting caught up in tiny details and basically doing all the perceived ‘easy’ little jobs which other staff are already here to do.

Problem is, this was running the business down the drain, and the most important jobs were not getting done, so I am a business manager, here to get efficiencies. I am not answering the phones at reception because I employ people to do that and my time is spent on other areas of the business.

However do not get this wrong, I will gladly pitch in if help is needed and we are unexpectedly busy or understaffed, I do not think of myself as too good for any job and I know how everyone’s job works as I have learnt this from them directly.

I do not micromanage - I am here for support if it’s needed. I don’t work remotely, am on site all day full time. I am very busy so I am often whizzing around and will say hi quickly in passing, and I ask staff to give me a heads up about what they want to talk to me about so that I can prioritise if this is urgent or not, as some of my work is very time critical.

The staff feel I don’t spend enough time with them. I ask why they want this time, is it work related? If so, I will arrange training.

No it’s because they want to feel important and special to me.

They are constantly interrupting me, demanding my time and when I give it to them, they just use that time to complain. I try to help them get out of circular thinking they don’t want to, So I leave the discussion with no resolution.

Even if I tell them that I don’t have extra time, I am in meetings and I have deadlines, it’s never good enough. I am here all day but they say ‘we never see you’ or ‘you don’t show any interest in us’ and ‘you are cold and too professional’.

They are important as humans, and valued in the workplace so I ensure they all have a safe working environment, stable work patterns, adequate training, annual appraisals, work related meetings.

No this is not what they mean. They are offended I am not their FRIEND. I am not befriending them and sitting on their desk chit chatting.

I do not want to be their friend. I just want to be their manager.

I am going to be honest, the clingy neediness is not helping, it feels like I have a large group of ladies clinging to my arms like small children, dragging me down.

I have put in boundaries and they do not respond well.

I approached my managers and asked if they agreed with this feedback from staff. They said no, I am doing exactly what they want me to do. I asked if they wanted me to do anything differently. They said no, my performance was great. There is no issue. The issue is the staff who have bad attitudes. I have suggested sharing an overview of my diary with the whole team so they can see how busy I am. No, they just want me to performance manage these people - which I am, but as they are constantly criticising me, we just don’t make any progress.

My managers are not helping me here.

In order to get out of this rut I have the following options:

-Put them all on last warning/performance plans
-take a tribunal risk and start letting people go (not all that comfortable with this, because it’s started to concern me I am part of the issue)
-Leave myself and get a new job
-start faking friendliness to the detriment of my job and productivity (I can’t do this!)
-take out formal grievances on the ring leaders to force my managers to intervene

Do you have a regular team meeting with your staff?
Do they have a regular one to one with you?
Do you stop and say hi in the morning/ask how their weekend was?
Do you share positive feedback and praise with them as well as concerns and issues.

The hardest part of being a manager is the people skills but it's also the most important. I have seen teams absolutely destroyed by managers who cannot see beyond their KPIs and getting the job done and forget that humans work there. If you haven't got a bond with your team then they won't respect you or make the changes you need.

I manage a team of 12. We meet weekly and have a Teams chat where they can raise any immediate queries and get support either from each other or from me if nobody else knows the answer. It also means it's available to look back on. They have a 1:1 with me every four weeks and if they need to talk to me before then they drop me a Teams message or email and I make time for them.
If it's about the office temperature then tell them who they need to talk to about that.

We minute our team meetings and the one to ones so people can refer back to it. If there are then performance concerns I meet with them before their scheduled one to one, they are then written up with what is needed to it improve and resolve it and can then be reviewed at their one to one .

I spent a lot of time writing process notes that they could refer back to if they struggled with something.
I am also friendly and approachable but I'm not trying to be their best pal. I'm firm but fair and transparent about what I do and why and sometimes you just have to make time for people. If it's a repeat issue you need to explore why it's a repeat issue

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It sounds as though you have changed a happy workplace to a very unhappy one.
People spend a lot of time at work and even with the best of intentions you have made it a terrible place to work
As others have said there is a medium way.

I am retired now but I have found that the best managers were those people who had worked their way up the ranks (or at least tried all the roles and that includes working on reception if you manage people doing that) . Just talking to people doesn't mean you fully understand their day to day role. Good managers also understand their workforce it sounds as though you don't.
You don't have to be their friend but you do need to treat them like human beings and talk to them

One workplace I was in introduced a shared coffee break for all staff to try and overcome the issues you describe . It was only about 20 minutes a day but everyone was encouraged to go at least once a week and every day if they could. The point was they recognised that managers and staff had to see and appreciate each other as individuals and not just workplace robots.

YBU

I agree it costs nothing to be friendly and talk to them once a week. Schedule it in and say to them, I have listened to your feedback and I will spend more time with you. Not being friends just building a relationship and showing an interest in their lives.

But surely the HR manager carries out the HR functions? They don’t directly manage all the staff. That’s the supervisor’s job

"they want to feel important and special to me."

If you were a good people manager this would be something that you could do with ease.

Valuing employees and making them aware without doubt of their importance to the business and you as a manager should be at the very heart of your relationship with them and form the basis of the performance management system.

If you think the only way to do this is to sit and drink tea with them then you are not in the right job.

How many people do you manage?

Is there anything stopping you from having lunch / coffee with anyone who's available daily?

Your list of proposed solutions could sound a bit threatening. Okay, they're complaining - and some people enjoy a moan. What has actually gone wrong though?

We put on events for staff too and often they don’t bother turning up.

Perhaps more people would attend if you didn't go.

I am a business manager. Running the business.

We have a structure here where people have their own line managers and we have a HR manager too. I manage the line managers. I have no issue with the line managers per se, we get on well but they can’t manage these staff well either

Appraisals were meant to be with me AND their line manager, or HR but they demanded I do them on my own with them. I needed to get them done so I agreed, but they spent the whole appraisal trying to cause conflict with me.

I don’t think I’ve explained this well. I know a lot about their lives because I am usually the person they come to when they need support (time off) and I give that to them. I do all the check ins that I am meant to do, but some of these people are intensely dislikeable so I do not seek them out for friendship at work

I wish you were my line manager. He just wants the chit chat but won’t do any of the difficult stuff he’s actually paid to do. I don’t want him to be my friend I just want him to do his bloody job.

In my eyes, the most important part of my role is to make sure my team are happy and supported. Otherwise what is the point of me being there, they may as well get along without me.

As previously stated, you need to work on your people skills. Some training would be a good idea.

Edited: okay so I see this is an issue with line managers not line managing. Perhaps get you all training? They should be speaking with their line manager in the first instance! Your frustration makes more sense now.

I do think you need to listen to the feedback. Nobody is saying that you need to dilly dally and chit chat all day, but getting your team’s buy in will lead to better performance as they will want to work for you. You need to be a leader and not a manager. In order to be a leader you need to have a level of relationship with your team and not come across as you’re above them - as this is exactly what the tone of your post suggests - you are there to be obeyed and give out instructions. Finding out what makes people tick, listening to their concerns, finding common ground are all part of leadership and if your team feel like your presence isn’t felt then that’s valid and dismissing it won’t be productive in the long run. Working environments have changed and people value being treated like people, not a function. There is a balance to be struck and nobody says you need to be a social leader, but you need to be able to open up to being more approachable and personable.

You're just not getting it.

Saying that you don't have time doesn't wash. You have to make time.

Outsourcing everything to an HR person isn't a solution either. You are the manager.

You might see yourself as a "people person". You might be able to switch on a convincing facade when you need to network with external contacts or communicate with your seniors. But you seem to lack emotional intelligence and you won't progress far without it.

Sorry wrong thread

If there are line managers between you and these employees then your problem isn't with the employees but with the line managers.

Why are you allowing the employees to come direct to you for day to day things like time off? That's a line manager's job.

do you have a weekly team meeting? A Monday morning check in? A Friday ‘wash up’ Regular 121s?

Agree with pp that showing an interest in their lives, and making them feel valued, is essential. They’re probably also concerned about what changes are coming as a result of your management and from what you’ve said, they have reason to be.

I think you desperately need some management training and some dealing with conflict training. It sounds like you can’t see the wood for the trees and have lost a starting point.

I am a very good manager. I know that as I have consistently positive feedback from teams wherever I work both my peers, superiors and most importantly my team members. It doesn’t come overnight but my team are the key to getting my job done well. I invest in them, I give them time, I make it clear I want the best from them. I also manage them via weekly feedback and I am honest with them if things need addressing and I work with them to deal with it. You HAVE to get their respect. They don’t need to like you and you don’t need to like them. You don’t have to be their friend but you do have to look like you’re on their side. I also think you need to give them the opportunity to give you direct feedback and ask them how they think your working relationships can be improved. It seems like you’re out of your depth with managing people and need some direction guidance and training

Sounds like the powers that be have not made the expectations clear and you are stuck in the middle between trying to do your job as your bosses want without anyone but you imposing the expectations on the staff. The culture hasn't been set so they are hounding you about peripherals when they should be clear in their own job roles. You need to discuss this with the management.

I'm a manager in my job though and I would say part of the role is to listen and support staff with issues they are having. Another part though is to have clear boundaries. When the work culture is right, then people will respect how things operate and not try to circumvent all the time.

Imagine a football team motivated by a great manager and how they play together to achieve better than the sum of their parts. Imagine another manager who spends all his time looking at stats, finances and chatting to external stakeholders and the owners who think he is great but spends no time with the players. Your management style is the latter. You come across to your team and to the readers of your post you don't like them and they are mere interruptions to your important role.

Are you their line manager?

It sounds like there’s a disconnect between the SLT (your managers) and the staff (why do you keep calling them ladies, by the way? Why not women?). There has been a work culture which it sounds like has been dismantled very abruptly and without taking the staff along with it. That doesn’t sound like good management to me.

OK im not a manager and I know this is going to sound a bit shit but bear with me.
My Ds is a manager and like op is young in his field. He is 28 now and was doing the job for 4 years. He has put his notice in and moving on. Initially it created resentment that he was young, didn't have a degree etc.
However his team have cane to love him. The messages in his cards and presents are lovely and and he has introduced me to staff when we've bumped into them and they tell me lovely stories about him
This waffle is so that im not being biased.

Im echoing what others have said about knowing your staff.
Ive asked him how he works and he said it is a balancing act but the key thing is people do want to be seen and acknowledged. He made a point in his first few weeks to find out a little about someone to make a connection, eg what their kids were called, what football team someone else supported and so on.

He made a point of going to the ' shop' floor every morning instead of his office first to say hello and see how everything was going. He would have a bit of a chat and then get con with his job.

People knew if his door was open they could come in and talk about what was on their mind about work or personal issues that could affect t work. Eg one had an extremely poorly child. Apparently this openess was a revelation fir the staff.

People found him approachable and willing to listen. Therefore they felt comfortable highlighting any problems or pointing out things that could go wrong.

Being a manager should be a two way relationship.
Op, as others have said, check in on your staff ask how they are, ask how they find the job, what works well, what could be improved. Ask how their weekend was etc.
Be a bit more approachable and it will reap rewards.

Sounds like a cop out by you asking your managers for feedback, your post literally states your team are not happy it’s not about training them it’s about being appreciated in your workplace by not even speaking to your team or checking on their well-being as you are too busy to check how prioritising you work sounds like you need people management training. Surely there is a happy medium either change your style to see the impact or continue to treat them with disrespect you will soon see the results. People work harder who are appreciated you sound like you don’t want to change no matter how much feedback you are getting.

Why did you agree to undermine the line managers by conducting appraisals without them?
What feedback are you getting from the people you actually manage? How do they want to fix this?
Sounds like it's a bit of a toxic workplace and lots needs to be fixed - including managing training for the line managers.