Constant criticism from people I manage about my management

[Teakake]

As per the title, I am finding myself receiving unsolicited feedback from staff. I am significantly younger than many of them and in the past they have been used to a manager who hangs around drinking tea and asking about your weekend plans, or getting caught up in tiny details and basically doing all the perceived ‘easy’ little jobs which other staff are already here to do.

Problem is, this was running the business down the drain, and the most important jobs were not getting done, so I am a business manager, here to get efficiencies. I am not answering the phones at reception because I employ people to do that and my time is spent on other areas of the business.

However do not get this wrong, I will gladly pitch in if help is needed and we are unexpectedly busy or understaffed, I do not think of myself as too good for any job and I know how everyone’s job works as I have learnt this from them directly.

I do not micromanage - I am here for support if it’s needed. I don’t work remotely, am on site all day full time. I am very busy so I am often whizzing around and will say hi quickly in passing, and I ask staff to give me a heads up about what they want to talk to me about so that I can prioritise if this is urgent or not, as some of my work is very time critical.

The staff feel I don’t spend enough time with them. I ask why they want this time, is it work related? If so, I will arrange training.

No it’s because they want to feel important and special to me.

They are constantly interrupting me, demanding my time and when I give it to them, they just use that time to complain. I try to help them get out of circular thinking they don’t want to, So I leave the discussion with no resolution.

Even if I tell them that I don’t have extra time, I am in meetings and I have deadlines, it’s never good enough. I am here all day but they say ‘we never see you’ or ‘you don’t show any interest in us’ and ‘you are cold and too professional’.

They are important as humans, and valued in the workplace so I ensure they all have a safe working environment, stable work patterns, adequate training, annual appraisals, work related meetings.

No this is not what they mean. They are offended I am not their FRIEND. I am not befriending them and sitting on their desk chit chatting.

I do not want to be their friend. I just want to be their manager.

I am going to be honest, the clingy neediness is not helping, it feels like I have a large group of ladies clinging to my arms like small children, dragging me down.

I have put in boundaries and they do not respond well.

I approached my managers and asked if they agreed with this feedback from staff. They said no, I am doing exactly what they want me to do. I asked if they wanted me to do anything differently. They said no, my performance was great. There is no issue. The issue is the staff who have bad attitudes. I have suggested sharing an overview of my diary with the whole team so they can see how busy I am. No, they just want me to performance manage these people - which I am, but as they are constantly criticising me, we just don’t make any progress.

My managers are not helping me here.

In order to get out of this rut I have the following options:

-Put them all on last warning/performance plans
-take a tribunal risk and start letting people go (not all that comfortable with this, because it’s started to concern me I am part of the issue)
-Leave myself and get a new job
-start faking friendliness to the detriment of my job and productivity (I can’t do this!)
-take out formal grievances on the ring leaders to force my managers to intervene

This! Why are you paying an entire level of line managers if you’re doing their jobs? It sounds like you need a restructure, or to delegate management duties to the managers.

You’re not being bullied at all by the sounds of it. The dismissive, unpleasant way you speak about the staff members indicate that you might actually be the bully.

still, finding a job where you don’t manage people might be a good idea, unless you’re willing to actually work on your people skills.

It’s always difficult managing people as a lot of the time, you're right, it’s their attitudes. People like to criticise. I have a productive team but I am aware of what people have got going on personally and know they need to feel safe and understood. They want to get regular feedback from me about how well they are doing and what a difference they make. I book in 6 weekly one to ones with all staff. We also go out for a drink or dinner every few months.

One of the things I do is allow myself to be vulnerable and openly criticise myself or ask for help from team members. It helps elevate them.

See this as a fantastic opportunity for you to stretch and learn to open up. Personally, I’d take it to a team meeting. Tell them
you want to be better manager and ask w they can they suggest. Keep it light, use humour. Stay warm.

You sound like a hard worker. I think this is just the next part of your development.

And sometimes, no matter how nice you are people can still be underhand. That’s alway disappointing. A session looking at values can be useful.

I have this quote framed in my office:

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=media.licdn.com/dms/image/v2/C5622AQF3-yp7cHhqeQ/feedshare-shrink_800/feedshare-shrink_800/0/1659469891558?e%3D2147483647%26v%3Dbeta%26t%3DDmfJhNdP0b1vwGJ_Rvaaorv9bgG3vlP2rABWwjYxj4g&tbnid=q7mgHnrLqLbY2M&vet=1&imgrefurl=www.linkedin.com/posts/philzimbardo_great-teddy-roosevelt-quote-it-is-not-the-activity-6960321209439854592-_J19&docid=xOU2BMtby5rzIM&w=800&h=1200&hl=en-gb&source=sh/x/im/m1/3&kgs=fd3ec5fdb977d29d&shem=isst,sdl1pl&ucbcb=1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Teddy R:

Jesus. The original post makes me glad I work somewhere more public sector!

I actually disagree with most of these posters to a large extent. The suggestions to ensure you do have the relevant team meetings or 1-2-1s in place are good and valid and you should do that - a fornightly team meeting is a good idea.

I'd also say that if people are coming to you to complain about things like the temperature surely the answer is to just redirect them to the right person, every time? Or tell them to speak to their line managers in the first instance?

I also don't understand why appraisals were done wiht you without HR or the line manager there too. If anything, it seems ot me that you're too soft. They know if they come to you, you'll deal with it even if you're irrtated about it, and then thye are resentful that you're irritated. Frankly, I have this dynamic with my children sometimes and I get so annoyed with myself - I give in to the whining etc, to the detriment of myself, our family, the household etc, then I'm annoyed and snappy with the children and they're upset and if I'd just said no firmly in the first place, none of this would have happened.

And for the people whose performance is the weakest and who are the most problematic, clearly ou need to manage them out for more competent people.

Plus I employed someone to do the HR, who is a very people oriented person, and these ladies have rejected this person too! This years appraisals they all ganged together to demand she was excluded. So I had to do their appraisals

Appraisals were meant to be with me AND their line manager, or HR but they demanded I do them on my own with them. I needed to get them done so I agreed, but they spent the whole appraisal trying to cause conflict with me.
And you allowed this?

Is this your first role as a manager? I'm not sure this is the role for you to be honest

Very possibly but the way to resolve that is to win hearts and minds, not charge in and shake everything up and then expect that to go down well.

The OP’s tone is patronising and it’s likely that she’s not hiding that well at work.

If I am reading this correctly, your issue is that you the people that report to line managers, who report to you, are critical of your management style. It sounds as if you are great at managing upwards, but don't see the value in the people below who actually carry out the roles and tasks that ultimately help you succeed. I am sure early in our careers many of us have worked for people like you, and watched them fail because they didn't understand that without taking people with you can't lead. They took solace in a 'manager' title and deluded themselves they could lead ;)

You say you are not a micro manager, but by bypassing line managers you certainly come across as one. To manage effectively you need to be able to delegate, and manage the people that report to you. It's all very well saying they can't manage their staff, but that's their job. What are you doing about that? Are you supporting, developing, coaching, managing them against targets? It all sounds very chaotic to me!

I got the cold and too professional vibe about half way through your post…

I’m not a natural people person, so I have to do it consciously (but I’m certain most of my employees would say I was a people person as they only see the output of my efforts). I have no desire to be friends with the people I manage, and I am absolutely not their friend and wouldn’t be described as that.

However, I do prioritise making time for them. I have a very busy workload too, but I make sure there is some non-meeting time regularly held in my diary in case anyone needs to speak to me (and for me to also do actions I need to). If someone wants to speak to me and I’m too busy I always get back to them within 24 hours. I understand how important it is for people to feel heard (and they generally want to feel heard rather than BE heard) so I make sure this is the case.

I vaguely keep up with their personal lives so I can check in on big things going on in their lives (holidays, kids, weddings etc) when we do speak.

That said they would NEVER interrupt me in a meeting, as that’s a reasonable boundary - but they all also know how to get in touch with me so they don’t need to interrupt meetings to speak to me.

They also know what is in my remit, and I pass them onto the relevant people where things are not in my remit (as in, it sounds like you have an important role - and it would be weird that you’re also in charge of the building temperature? Maybe you are, but I’d be swiftly delegating that on in my workplace and they wouldn’t come back to me in future with that as they’d then know where to go).

I see my role as giving them whatever reasonable support they need to do their jobs. For some people it’s giving them attention and metaphorical cuddles, for others it’s making sure they’ve got adequate challenge in the role - I understand each of them as individuals and cater to that.

I manage a team of 30, and would say I spend no more than an hour a week on people management stuff, so it’s not a huge time drag. But it’s an important part of my role, not something that fits in around other stuff if I can make time. If you don’t have time for this, you’re not managing your time adequately - this isn’t something optional or inconvenient if you are a people manager.

From what you have said, I don't think it is you, I think it is them. I have worked in places where women ( and it has always been women) have developed a certain culture, which is quite reminiscent of what you describe. They will look for any reason to criticise and undermine and interrupt and often mock the manager and work place. Its how they bond together. They are also rigid and inflexible in their work practices and attitude and don't adapt well at change but will kick hard against it.

I think its them and not you.

It does sound a bit like the middle managers are part of the problem here. What role are they playing at the moment, OP, and how are you supporting them to step up?

@MageQueen said, "And for the people whose performance is the weakest and who are the most problematic, clearly ou need to manage them out for more competent people."

S/he doesn't have any problem with their performance (or at least none s/he's told us. The only problem is in how they relate with OP.

I agree Cinaferna, MellowPinkDeer,
WilderHawthorn, MrsBennetsPoorNerves
and others.

You are being too rigid op! There’s a middle point between rushing around to a planned schedule without a moment to spare and sitting with the ladies and learning their life stories. There is a half way house!

In your shoes, I would schedule five or ten minutes in the morning and the same in the afternoon to go and drink a coffee or tea with a few of them at a time and make your way around the group that way. (Or do what others have suggested and have a weekly tea and cake meeting to discuss any issues that arise.)

Be available at roughly the same time every day (or week) so they know when to find you. Make a note of remembering a few names and a few children’s names here and there. Show an interest. Show you are human.

Be interested in any difficulties they are having doing their work and ask for suggestions. Ask their opinions. You don’t have to like all of them, just show them some respect and show them that you are human.

Other ideas: instigate a competition for best innovative idea that comes from the work floor, or instigate an outside of work fitness challenge, annual expedition, or something like a lunch time walking group,

I’m afraid they have a point op. You are not doing the job well if the people you manage don’t feel recognised or valued. The company wouldn’t succeed without their input. You might need to manage their expectations a little if the previous manager was slack, but you’ve already made that point. They shouldn’t be ganging up on you but nor should you be sounding like you are almost in opposition to them.

Now is the time to soften the plan a little.

The right manager with the right people management skills, authority, presence, experience and tools available to them could win these people over or manage them out within the bounds of the law.

What stands out is your insistent reference to how many things you have to do and how the people who you are employed to manage are an annoying distraction from that.

I can't see you ever enjoying your role as manager if thats how you have to feel.
There's such a leap from how you describe things to how managerial relationships ought to work, that I'm not sure you ought to be in that job. You are clearly very skilled in implementing the faceless side of your role but management is very much an interpersonal skill. You come across as much more comfortable working in a bubble. And there's nothing wrong with being like that.
I don't have a link for you-anybody else? - , but you could try one of those online personality based career quizzes and see what it throws back at you. Is "manager" really a match for you? You are obviously skilled and ambitious, but you shouldn't be in a, job where such massive change is demanded of your thinking.

I must say, I think the age thing isn’t necessarily the problem here, but some of your replies do make you sound a little immature. Which if that reflects into your work may be some of the challenge here.

Part of being a line manager is building trust and good relationships with your team. And in order to do that, you have to make the time to get to know them as people. Show that you care about them, and understand what motivates them. Otherwise you’re a manager of processes and not people.
Have you had any specific people management training? Have you looked into studies such as Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? I think some reading around this topic might be helpful.

And also, if you’re getting this feedback, you can either blame others, or reflect. But if multiple people are saying the same thing, it’s worth reflecting inwards.
Your management will of course be happy with you, as you’re delivering what they need. It’s the people in your team that aren’t getting what they need from you. And when they all start leaving, and you have nobody left - you’ll need to explain that to management.

From my perspective, the best way forward is to carve out a dedicated chunk of time for socialising within work. It will promote better attitudes, which will promote productivity.

Say every Friday morning you have a breakfast with the team. Put in the diary, one hour on a Friday, all around one table. Or set appointments over coffee. Make it more social, alongside the work of it all.

I'm a Business Manager too, I run the business. I've been in this role for a few years now, and I would imagine that the initial changeover to a new manager if I left would be bumpy! And I think that's what you're experiencing at the moment.

But..... you don't come across, at least on here, as very approachable. More like your staff are an inconvenience. You may well have 1 or 2 staff that are more on the toxic side (I have 2.... both older men who hate working for a woman younger than them, even though I have 20 + years more experience of the industry and company than them), and that can cause a difficult atmosphere.

Have you actually spoken to any of them about what the problem is? Addressed the difference in management style? I'd guess that they're not enjoying this experience anymore than you are.

What are you actually doing when you are whizzing around being important?

instigate an outside of work fitness challenge, annual expedition, or something like a lunch time walking group.

I can't imagine anything worse.

Try to find some balance. Having a positive working relationship with your team keeps them on site. I personally find managing my team the hardest part of my role. Do you schedule a weekly team meeting to air any concerns, discuss what’s coming up that week etc with the whole team. I usually do on a Monday morning for 30 minutes and we cover off the hows your weekend etc in that as an opener. Aside from that, I’m only onsite once a week. We get together for lunch, chat non-work stuff and that’s generally the most we talk about our personal lives. Within the office space, we’re focusing on work tasks. As your onsite daily, can you maybe it sit with them at lunch once a week?

Have you ever looked at the red, blue, green, yellow personality types. I did some training and it really opened my eyes to what different people see as foundational needs. Eg blues need this softer interaction to be able to do their job, it’s a basic need. Whereas reds (sounds like you) are drivers and want tangible progress as a priority.

When you understand who you have on your team and what they need, it’s easier to realise that a cup of tea isn’t frivolous, it’s a necessary. (Although like you, I find it a pain in the ass.)

I am a senior manager, my role is basically all about transformation and efficiencies. I have been dping this for many years. I tend to always have good feedback from my team.

You need to build a team loyal to you. This means being loyal to them and also showing you will protect your team, stand up for them and know them as people.

Do you have the following:

• scheduled 1 on 1s
• weekly team meeting for work
• weekly team meeting for chit chat and random stuff.

Also read up about 'Phsychological Safety in the workplacr.'
This is a really important management theory. The companies I have worked in that embracw this method are by far the most productive and innovative and the best environments. I would definitely recommend taking some time to study it and seeing what you can implement.
Management is really about creating the best environment to ensure the team can do their best work. And that starts with them feeling safe at work.
You need to bring the team on the journey with you. Each team member should feel heard and supported and have personal goals they are working towards.
That said some people are nightmares. They cant all be like this, so there will be some that do need performance management to change.
You need to explain the changes, explain what you are doing to initiate the change and why.

This stands out me.
That would never fly anywhere I've ever worked.
I don't know the answer but this is why I preferred working with men. That is just my experience.

Sorry but I profoundly disagree that it is always women! I’ve managed men who have behaved in this way and formed a little phalanx of opposition.

It’s completely normal. The workforce forms hostile alliances like this when they feel they are not understood, respected or that they are being taken advantage of. There’s no need to be so defensive otherwise.

The trick to overcoming this is good management skills. Don’t pretend to be their friends but be confident stand up to the out and out trouble makers, use humour, be professional and get the job done. It’s the same skills that a teacher uses with an unruly class. You need to win over the ring leaders, then the majority. It’s harder when you are much younger than them.