Told by boss to stop hugging in the office

[Ilovechcolatealways]

Evening all

I have been working at my current job for over 20 years so have built good relationships with most colleagues
I consider it part of my personality to hug certain colleagues. I usually hug hello / goodbye but sometimes also during the working day

We work in a stressful environment, therefore some days are worse than others and I like a hug to relieve stress !!!

Today I was called into an office by my boss and told that I must stop hugging in the workplace and it is not the 'done' thing at work.

In all of my time there, I have NEVER been told / asked to stop doing this.

The recipient's of the hugs always reciprocate the hug and none have ever told me they are uncomfortable with them. Obviously if they were then I would stop immediately and apologise. I have read our policies today and nowhere does it state that hugging is not allowed and I really don't want to stop.

Can anyone offer advice on how I can handle this ???

There are three of us (friends) who hug as a matter of course. That's it. Never ever have I hugged colleagues

I'd expect to see a lot more bosses doing this now with the changes to anti harassment legislation putting a preventative duty on employers. Its much easier to have a blanket no hugging policy than try to explain to Bernard why he mustn't hug Emma, when it's fine for Debbie to.

You seem to feel strongly about hugging, and that's understandable, as different people have different ways of interacting. Plus, I'm a hugger myself, and I do agree it feels good to hug and be hugged. However, I don't really think hugging is appropriate in the workplace, as it feels too personal and people might feel their personal space is being invaded. I don't even greet my coworkers with a peck on the cheek, or anything, as work is strictly professional to me. Perhaps you should save your hugs for family and close friends and try not make a big deal out of this. You're not being rejected, it's just that your coworkers probably never had the courage to be upfront about not feeling comfortable being hugged.

I like to be hugged; but I realize that some people don't; and if your boss doesn't want a 'hugging culture' at work- either because some people have expressed discomfort or because he just considers it unprofessional - then it's his decision. As long as he's the boss, the only way you can handle it is to follow his wishes and not hug at work. When you're the boss, you can adopt a different policy.

This is a wind-up right?

To all who said you sound lovely... I don't think you do. You said about your boss that she's probably jealous and a bit of a cunt with a laughing out loud emoji ..this does not sound kind, I am actually shocked that you can talk in such a way about another woman. She just addressed a concern most likely on behalf of other colleagues. If someone would make you feel uncomfortable you would want it address by te boss, wouldn't you?

I would be certain someone has quietly complained about the hugging rather than asking you directly to stop touching them. It's an awkward thing to do.
I like hugs, but consensual ones from friends. I don't want work people grabbing at me whenever they feel like it. I've hugged a few colleagues goodbye on their last day and that was fine. The woman in my current office who kisses people's heads in the morning, absolutely not. She only did that once to me and happily got the body-language message to not repeat it.

Well I am one of those who doesn't like people touching me (ND), we have a few hugger at work and I made sure to tell them (actually told one or two and they passed on the message which I thought was lovely)that I was uncomfortable with casual touching, everyone has been lovely and are respecting my wish, the super friendlies sometimes forget but they always apologise after and honestly after a few years I realised if there is some people like me who doesn't like touching surly there is some that needs touching to feel better?
I am lucky I am french ,so most people expect me to be rude 🤭 so I can be straightforward and no one gets offended.

I have a close friend who works for the same company as me but in a different city so I only see him about once every three months. I would hug him when he comes in. But I wouldn't hug other colleagues normally.

I think it is unprofessional, I'm afraid. I suspect someone has complained. I think you should stop.

Wow, who knew so many people were hug avoidance?! Only on MN. 🙄

If you can't hug in the office any more where can you hug ? The bedroom?! This is just another example of the wokearati imposing political correctness health and safety on those who take a single lick of someone's neck when hugging in the office. I for one intend to continue with gusto!

No, not only on MN.

I would hate it if a colleague kept hugging me but I don’t think I’d give off a vibe that would make you think it’s acceptable 😂

I imagine it would be very difficult for anyone to object as you consider hugging to be ‘ part of my personality’ ! If this happened in my workplace I would hate it but feel really uncomfortable in saying so.
Somebody has taken the awkward step of speaking to the boss- please comply with the request to stop .

I get their POV. I had to make someone in my redundant and she raised a grievance about another colleague being too tactile with her. Both women & they were friends.

She just wanted more money.

@Ilovechcolatealways

Yes - the manager is quite new

I think here's your answer as to why this has been raised now after 20 years. New manager obviously wants to take a more professional approach. So it doesn't necessarily mean that someone has complained - just that the new manager has looked upon your work place and perhaps seen that some of the staff seem a bit more 'cliquey' than others, and they have decided that it makes for a more equal workplace where staff have professional relationships and interactions only. And the new regulations that someone has mentioned have probably also been a big prompter in this.

Hmmm
Strange
But I see where your boss is coming from

Its not something I would do in a professional environment, I also hate being touched by other people at work.
I think you need to stop doing it.

as someone who isn’t a hugger - hugging in the workplace would make me feel uncomfortable. I would hate to be touched by my colleagues and if there was a culture of hugging then it would make me feel uncomfortable that I would be expected to hug people or accept hugs from others.
its fine that you’re a hugger OP - but you may unknowingly be making your colleagues feel uncomfortable, especially new starters. Hug your close work friends outside of the workplace - or maybe as you’re leaving/ have walked outside of the front door - but don’t hug in the office.
it does sound like someone has mentioned something to their manager about the hugging, and the manager does have a duty to make sure everyone feels comfortable at work.

This would make me so uncomfortable

I used to work somewhere where a colleague used to give me a hug every morning. I liked it because nobody else hugs me. She did it to most colleagues though and I do wonder if others didn't like it but didn't want to say. Hugging in the workplace can be a bit of a risk.

🤗👅😋

I think it is interesting that you have been at your workplace for 20 years and this is a new manager. A new manager that you have described in very unpleasant terms.

This may or may not be a result of complaints. There is a good chance this is the case - there will be people who don’t like the hugging even if they are not recipients. However, this is a reasonable management request that has been communicated to you in a professional manner. Your response seems…off at best. Perhaps ask for a conversation about how the organisation can better support mental health and well-being rather than launch a hugging crusade because it aligns with your ‘personality’.

You sound lovely, OP.

I hate to say it, but even people I really like at work, I only hug them if life is currently falling apart and they seem like the sort of person for whom a hug is required.

Same for good mates outside of work, we hug if we haven't seen each other for ages, or if there's something otherwise big happening, either good or bad, but not just a daily hug.

If someone hugged me at work every day, I might not actively say something but if someone asked how I felt about xyz who hugs everyone, I'd speak up.

If someone has spoken up, it doesn't mean they don't like you. I guess I just wanted to say that. They just have a different way of expressing themselves, and would rather not hug.

Stop it. We had a hugger at work once. She freaked me out and if possible I would actually hide when I saw her coming.
Your personality doesn't entitle you to ignore other people's right to bodily autonomy. You have no idea how much your behaviour has been tolerated in silence - until now- more than welcomed.