Told by boss to stop hugging in the office

[Ilovechcolatealways]

Evening all

I have been working at my current job for over 20 years so have built good relationships with most colleagues
I consider it part of my personality to hug certain colleagues. I usually hug hello / goodbye but sometimes also during the working day

We work in a stressful environment, therefore some days are worse than others and I like a hug to relieve stress !!!

Today I was called into an office by my boss and told that I must stop hugging in the workplace and it is not the 'done' thing at work.

In all of my time there, I have NEVER been told / asked to stop doing this.

The recipient's of the hugs always reciprocate the hug and none have ever told me they are uncomfortable with them. Obviously if they were then I would stop immediately and apologise. I have read our policies today and nowhere does it state that hugging is not allowed and I really don't want to stop.

Can anyone offer advice on how I can handle this ???

Is it always you who initiates these hugs? I don't like being hugged, but if someone I'm friendly with were to hug me, if go along with it so as not to cause offence. Doesn't mean I really wanted the hug, just too much of a people pleaser to out right reject it.

I think if you're the main initiator of these hugs, you need to consider that some of your hug recipients may just be going along with them, rather than wanting them.

I'd only hug someone at work if they were leaving (for good) or maybe coming in after a special occasion like getting married or having a baby.

It's not professional or appropriate to be hugging work colleagues morning and end of day. It's the kind of thing immature teenage girls do in school corridors, not professional adults at work. It invades personal space and puts colleagues in difficult positions.
What you do is just stop and shut up moaning about your boss asking you to stop.

Yes just stop. I would absolutely hate this at work. You're working, it's not a pub social. It's inappropriate.

I’m sure there was a recent thread where a man (I think they called him “Bill”) was hugging people in the workplace and it made everyone feel uncomfortable, but they felt they couldn’t say anything because he’d worked there for ages and seemed to think it was just his personality or whatever.

Bill - if this is you - it’s always inappropriate to hug people in the workplace.

Wow, thanks all

Just to note, if I sensed at all that the hugs were not wanted / the person was uncomfortable then of course I would stop and not be offended at all.

Mostly when I approach the person to say hello they put their arms out for a hug !!

I am 99% certain that no one has complained. I am very easy going and feel that if people didn't want the hug they would be comfortable enough to tell me.

However, seems the consensus is that I shouldn't be hugging in the workplace so I'll take this on board and stop.

Have you not had your sexual discrimination and harassment refresher training? From 26 Oct 2024 companies are now liable for anyone who is sexually harassed at work, a work event by third parties, or events which happen after work events (such as after a doo which then continues elsewhere). Not just the person who could be deemed to be doing the harassing - your employer has noticed your behaviour and perhaps thinks it’s a risk to them. Easiest way to fix this is just to stop with the hugging. They’ll likely have a training course coming up (it should be mandatory training for every employee). And if you’re tactile be careful - putting a hand on someone’s shoulder can also be viewed as sexual harassment.

Seriously, this is where we’re at now.

My boss gives us all a hug hello and goodbye - but we tend to only get together as a team every 2/3 months or so.

I have to agree with PP I think someone must have mentioned it to them, hence why it has become a problem now.

I have read our policies today and nowhere does it state that hugging is not allowed and I really don't want to stop.

Reading the policies to see if they can officially stop you makes you seems really committed to continuing to touch people, regardless of their own wishes, and I have to surmise that you are getting more out of it than they are... 😧

I agree with everyone else, someone has complained to the boss because they feel awkward speaking to you themselves.

Multiple hugs a day is over the top and not necessary so I'm not surprised someone has complained. A one off hug to celebrate a birthday or to console someone who is crying is fine but hello and goodbye hugs is too much. No one needs a daily hug at work, it's weird.

You need to get your affection outside of work with non-work people. Get a pet or something.

Fairly sure John Lasseter got fired for hugging too much.

Depending how this hugging all started...Did you always initiate hugging ( nothing wrong but in the job may be wrong not sure) ...

One colleague wanted to offer me help with reassurance when I was crying under pressure once and she asked: can I give you a hug ? - And I replied yes. But that was one off

Someone has definitely asked your manager to have a word. Some people find it really hard to decline a hug, even if they don’t want one.

You're warm and tactile and that’s a lovely thing, you haven’t done anything wrong, just take this on the chin.

Didn't everyone stop the unnecessary touching of colleagues during COVID?
There is no need to hug hello, hug goodbye, hug randomly to destress during the day. This has properly given me the ick!

No matter how well I got on with someone in work, if they kept hugging me I would route the issue through our manager. It’s a really uncomfortable thing to bring up, it’s a bit weird you can’t accept that someone has likely complained.

Put it this way: no normal person will be made uncomfortable by NOT being hugged in their workplace. Significantly more than 0% of people will not enjoy it but be too polite to say so.

I used to work with a lot of European colleagues and everything was a 3x cheek kiss praying you wouldn't mess it up and end up making mouth contact with the head of compliance. I loved them all but COVID was a fucking godsend.

I hate hugs. But in context eg first time seeing someone for weeks/ bereavement etc I wouldn't think it was odd (but not for me thanks). Daily hugging in greeting is just bizarre. Do any of your colleagues every initiate the hugs or just go along with it? If they never initiate it then I think you have your answer, it's all you and its rather overkill.

Seems everyone on MN doesn't like hugs !!

I don't stand and hug someone for 10 minutes, it's a very quick hello / goodbye hug and only to a certain few people......

I usually hug hello / goodbye but sometimes also during the working day
We work in a stressful environment, therefore some days are worse than others and I like a hug to relieve stress !!!

That's a way over the top amount of hugging. I'm not an instinctive higher, but enjoy the occasional well timed one from someone who I've not seen for ages, or who has recognised that I need one.

But a colleague who hugged hello and goodbye every single day, plus extras, would do my head in.

You're only thinking about how much YOU like them, rather than whether the recipients do. It would be a rare person who enjoyed being hugged by a colleague all the time, so someone, or several people are not enjoying it and have said so.

Thankyou

like literally every day???

What didn’t you understand from what your boss said? You’ve been told to stop. Which part is confusing?

Where the fuck do you work, some hippy commune?

"I consider it part of my personality to hug certain colleagues" is no kind of a defence. The kind of thing we hear from abusers/sex offenders. I'm not suggesting for a moment that you are anything on that level, I just mean that it's very poor form to imply that you have a right over anyone else's body by dint of your character.

I also think it could be to do with the new law. Employers now have a duty to take reasonable steps to prevent sexual harassment at work.

Easiest to ban hugging. After all, taking it to an extreme point, hugging is basically squishing your boobs against someone. It's possible no one cares, but if you are allowed to hug people, then so is any new creepy employee man who does it for kicks ..

Just stop.

It's clearly been voiced as unwanted by one or more of your colleagues that you have hugged and assumed they wanted. Someone, perhaps many people, did not want it.

If they want a hug - maybe they will make it clear to you.

I'd find it intimidating, patronising and controlling, all at the same time, if someone kept opening their arms to me for a hug.

Eww. Bodily contact with people other than close friends and family is just a bit eeewwww.