Told by boss to stop hugging in the office

[Ilovechcolatealways]

Evening all

I have been working at my current job for over 20 years so have built good relationships with most colleagues
I consider it part of my personality to hug certain colleagues. I usually hug hello / goodbye but sometimes also during the working day

We work in a stressful environment, therefore some days are worse than others and I like a hug to relieve stress !!!

Today I was called into an office by my boss and told that I must stop hugging in the workplace and it is not the 'done' thing at work.

In all of my time there, I have NEVER been told / asked to stop doing this.

The recipient's of the hugs always reciprocate the hug and none have ever told me they are uncomfortable with them. Obviously if they were then I would stop immediately and apologise. I have read our policies today and nowhere does it state that hugging is not allowed and I really don't want to stop.

Can anyone offer advice on how I can handle this ???

I hug my family. That’s it. I hate hugging at work. Loathe it. Even people I really like. But it is difficult to gracefully avoid determined huggers sometimes. I expect someone has explained to your boss how uncomfortable you’re making them as they don’t want to upset you by saying it directly.

If you're correct that none of the hug recipients are uncomfortable, it may be that someone whom you neglect in your hugging spree is feeling left out, and would rather you hug nobody than leave her unhugged.

I think this is highly unlikely!

More likely that they think the whole hugging business is inappropriate at work or haven't let on that they don't want it.

That is actually the most unlikely explanation of all.

I love hugging, but not daily at work. Sometimes I put an arm around a shoulder when people are very upset and crying. But that doesn’t happen a lot.
I remember one time hugging a male colleague; he and his wife were undergoing fertility treatments for years and he was always very open about it, how difficult it was. And then finally he brought the news they were pregnant. I was so happy for them, I just couldn’t control myself , a lot of other people joined in as well.

Over 20 years ago I was working in an office and in my early 20’s, my (male) boss kept standing behind me and putting his hands on my shoulders.
Not as full on as hugs but a very creepy, weirded me out feeling.

If someone (make or female) had been giving me hugs every day, I think I would have left!

In an office where you’re not related to colleagues, hugging really isn’t professional.

Unless someone asks you for a hug, it’s something you don’t need to do.

I don’t like to be hugged by my friends, so I definitely wouldn’t like it in the workplace. If people hugged now and then or when something major happened, I wouldn’t think much of it, but if you’re hugging to say hello and goodby and then also through the day to relieve stress, it sounds too much. Someone has obviously approached management and asked them to have a word with you.

Well it is not that unlikely… we have a yearly thing with roses on valentinesday… you can send a colleague a rose anonymously. All my young pretty collegues get roses but not me. I voted for skipping the roses next year😎

It doesn’t say you can’t carry your handbag clenched between your bum cheeks either but you’d never do it.

The bit where you say you ‘consider it part of your personality’ tells me all I need to know. Are you one of those who likes to be known for things, a bit larger than life? “Oh yeah, this is Sharon, watch out, she’s a hugger!”

Someone has complained. Stop doing it.

Yes, I can offer advice on how to handle it. Stop doing it.

Many people wouldn’t like it but would be too polite to tell you so directly. Do all the people you hug ever initiate the hugging, or hug anyone else? No? They don’t want to do it then. I wouldn't either, at work.

You say you’ve never been asked to stop doing it. Well, you have now, so what’s your problem about complying?

It's a weird thing to do. And totally unprofessional.

Really? I don’t think that at all. I think someone hates the unsolicited hugs but doesn’t like to say so to the OP directly.

Urgh.

I don't hug anyone, not my friends, not my family, not my child (DD hates hugs more than I do). So I sure as hell wouldn't hug a random colleague. But I'd have no trouble telling you not to touch me personally. Keep your paws to yourself.

Clearly, someone felt embarrassed to tell it to your face and went to the boss. Stop touching people. It's a workplace, not koala sanctuary.

uggh no.

I'm not tactile and this fills me with horror. If it's OK for you to randomly hug people it becomes OK for Creepy Man to hug too.

In fact years ago Creepy Man used to put his arm round me for no good reason, it went on until I lost my shit. Creepy Man never spoke to me again, which didn't bother me but it made for an awkward office environment.

I think someone has mentioned it in their 1:1 with their manager, I am 99% sure they have.

Hugging close family and friends is one thing. Hugging wirk colleagues is another. I would feel very uncomfortable if a colleague was Hugging. Personal space should be respected. And obviously one or more colleagues are uncomfortable with it. It has nothing to do with work rules.

"It doesn't sound like the OP is tone deaf and realises when it is liked". But you’re just taking her word for it! How can she possibly know she is right? There might be people who hate it but manage to hide that to be polite, and she just never realises and assumes everything is fine.

Hugging only certain people in the workplace is exclusive. Maybe those that you don’t hug, don’t do hugging anyway. But it does indicate who your favourite people are. That shouldn’t happen in a professional environment.

Ugh! Stop hugging! But you should have been asked not told!

Ilovechocolatealways, just don't hug people at work, only hug frietnds and family (if they like it).

I can remember when hugging, including group hugging, was quite fashionable, late 1980s/90s. Not everyone liked it then but it was often done and sort of accepted. That was a phase and it faded.

You're a good-hearted person and mean no harm but of your boss says, "No hugging", just don't do it. It won't kill you.

As all PP have said, someone has complained but doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

I fucking hate being hugged, even by colleagues I really like and respect. I don't want to press my boobs up against their bodies, I don't want to catch their nasty cold and I don't want to spend the rest of the day reeking of their perfume. It's enforced intimacy and if you refuse or rebuff it you look like a stone hearted dickhead, which is so bloody unfair. I would only offer a hug if someone had suffered a bereavement, had a traumatic experience or perhaps was leaving the company. I think more people think like me than don't to be honest.

I can't cope with hugs at all (unless it is from my children or someone really close to me).
I don't think I am unusual in that.

I think, as well meaning as you are, you just need to take a step back and understand that not everyone can cope with that level of affection.

I work in a highly stressful environment, we often hug each other and support each other, it’s part of the job!
We obviously don’t just go up to people and hug them but if they need it, we see someone’s in distress we all offer some form of comfort to them. We aren’t in an office though and there’s a lot of trauma that we have to deal with so it might be a different situation, luckily our managers are amazing and encourage us to look after each other and also offer us a lot of support.

Hugging people is not part of your job, that’s insane.
You can offer support to colleagues without invading their personal space

This reminds me of the year I used to go in and out of the fire escape to and from work to avoid hugs 🫣 from the headteacher when I was first employed

someone has probably very nicely complained.

but hugging hello , because you are stressed and goodbye is madness , three hugs a day ? I would probably bite you 🤣

I would hate being hugged at work. Stop doing it.