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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What’s a nice way to tell my coworker to stop hugging me?

49 replies

PawneGoddess · 10/08/2023 10:44

Hey everyone, I could use a bit of advice. I recently started a new job and, to my surprise, I bumped into an old school friend who works in the same office. She's a genuinely lovely person and has this habit of giving daily hugs. Every day, it's like a reunion with her hugs. She's just a nice person who likes to touch and hug and I'm the total opposite. I just don’t see the point of hugs at work but I don’t want to sound mean. How can I approach this without sounding unkind or making things awkward?

OP posts:
StBrides · 10/08/2023 10:50

"Sorry Joan, I'm not a hugger but it's great to see you,how was your weekend?"

Keep it breezy

Mrsjayy · 10/08/2023 10:54

I'd drop in I'm not a hugger x100 outside of the hugging and hopefully she will get the hint ! How does the hugging go if you are not for it do you return the hug?

Joystir59 · 10/08/2023 10:56

Just move away a bit and say "I'm not much of a hugger" next time she moves in for a hug. Then say "please don't be offended, it's nothing personal- how was your evening?"

KnackeredBack · 10/08/2023 10:59

What StBrides said is fine. I'm laughing though as I also know someone who is a hugger (minister...kind of comes with the territory) but one of the people she usually hugs just shouted NO as she was leaning in for a hug and said, very forcefully, I DONT HUG.
It worked, but there were some sniggers and eyebrows raised.

Original poster
PawneGoddess · 10/08/2023 11:00

Mrsjayy · 10/08/2023 10:54

I'd drop in I'm not a hugger x100 outside of the hugging and hopefully she will get the hint ! How does the hugging go if you are not for it do you return the hug?

I think it's instinctive to hug back. If she hugs me and I don't hug back, it can come off as awkward.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 10/08/2023 11:02

PawneGoddess · 10/08/2023 11:00

I think it's instinctive to hug back. If she hugs me and I don't hug back, it can come off as awkward.

Show quote history

It just sounds do awkward I side step huggers so they don't catch me 😄

Mrsjayy · 10/08/2023 11:06

So* Can you actively avoid her does your job come with a desk and seat Can you head to there first and just plonk your self ?

DNLove · 10/08/2023 11:06

Just use your big girl voice and tell her you don't like hugs.

ttcat37 · 10/08/2023 11:09

If anyone tries to hug me other than my DH I lean back and give them a “what the fuck are you doing” face.
If you can’t use words ie “can we not hug? I’m not really a hugger” then when she approaches just take a step back.
IMO I don’t care how nice she is. Hugging a co-worker every day is very weird

Summer2424 · 10/08/2023 11:13

Hi @PawneGoddess
Say 'air hug' and start laughing and just air hug her. Hopefully after a few air hugs it will stop altogether x

Bookworm20 · 10/08/2023 11:13

Go in to work for a few days carrying stuff, which require both your hands. I don't know, maybe a gym bag or something but hold it rather than on your shoulder. Your hands won't be free, then when she comes in for the hug hopefully she'll realise you've your hands full and it would be awkward of her to hug you.
After a few days of that, maybe the hugging habit will just stop.

Fraaahnces · 10/08/2023 11:18

I think you could take her aside and speak to her privately, “Joan, I’m so happy to be working with you and you’ve made me feel very welcome. Can I tell you something personal? I’m not a hugger, or very touchy. It makes me very anxious and I don’t want to upset you if I react negatively.”

Flossiemoss · 10/08/2023 11:37

the only thing i found effective to stop the pathological huggers I worked with was fear of a deadly disease! Can you claim you have typhoid?

EvilElsa · 10/08/2023 11:40

Tell her! I'm not a hugger and I've told people that it's not for me and it's not personal. Not one person has ever had a problem with it.

NK77 · 10/08/2023 11:41

Just tell her.

Basketballqueen · 10/08/2023 11:41

One of our colleagues told another that he’d ‘break your fucking fingers if you touch me again’ ‘jokingly’ after endless requests nNot to be hugged, patted etc didn’t work.
that did work though caused a bit of a stir as you can imagine…

LinKwei · 11/08/2023 07:44

Personally I would say,
Stop hugging me, I don't like it. Direct honest and no misunderstanding

Diddykong · 11/08/2023 07:45

Tell her you have nits

painochocolate · 11/08/2023 07:47

Hold a coffee at all times

Oysterbabe · 11/08/2023 07:50

I work with a really lovely woman who loves a hug. She only hugged me once and must have found it like hugging a brick. I think she worked out it isn't my thing 😄

Wisterical · 11/08/2023 07:54

Just tell her not to 🤷🏻‍♀️

saraclara · 11/08/2023 08:00

"Sorry Lisa, I'm not really a hugger"

It's really not as hard as you think. I'm not much of a hugger, but I can bear it. Another colleague of mine couldn't. She was completely up front about it, and with a smile. We all liked her very much, no-one hugged her.

Spanielsarepainless · 11/08/2023 08:02

Next time, go rigid and say you aren't a hugging sort of person.

painochocolate · 11/08/2023 08:03

Get in there first with a high five

Supersimkin2 · 11/08/2023 08:05

I think it’s blimmin rude.

Dominating and a bit dodgy in a hierarchy like work, though huggers naturally deny everything.

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