Told by boss to stop hugging in the office

[Ilovechcolatealways]

Evening all

I have been working at my current job for over 20 years so have built good relationships with most colleagues
I consider it part of my personality to hug certain colleagues. I usually hug hello / goodbye but sometimes also during the working day

We work in a stressful environment, therefore some days are worse than others and I like a hug to relieve stress !!!

Today I was called into an office by my boss and told that I must stop hugging in the workplace and it is not the 'done' thing at work.

In all of my time there, I have NEVER been told / asked to stop doing this.

The recipient's of the hugs always reciprocate the hug and none have ever told me they are uncomfortable with them. Obviously if they were then I would stop immediately and apologise. I have read our policies today and nowhere does it state that hugging is not allowed and I really don't want to stop.

Can anyone offer advice on how I can handle this ???

Ah sorry op, you sound so lovely...but I used to work with a hugger and it was horrible. It was a v fancy, high end pub type place and the middle aged hostess hugged all the young, male staff all the time. She was a fairly nice lady, but yeesh! The thing was that it then made the young, male staff think hugging was a normal way to respond to stress at work. If you'd had a cross word with someone, they'd get you in a big bearhug to make up. I literally squirmed out of one once making a "yuk" face and the guy could not get why I didn't appreciate the hug.

Anyway, you do sound lovely, but glad you aren't going to hug anymore unless someone asks. I also think someone has complained. Not everyone has the confidence to say no to a hug...or squirm out of it 😂

Some people are not co confident enough to say no so I agree someone has complained. I have had three incidences in my long working life where three men have touched me in what could just be construed as a friendly manner but I did not like it. I was confident enough to say no, one was apologetic, one was a massive cunt about it and did it again and it got positively difficult in that workplace and another though not apologetic at the time, it was sorted. I would say with the first and last it was a misjudgement on their part and no malice but the middle one was a bloody creep.

It could also be the worry that it gives a green light to other huggers. Then you just need some creepy git like the guy I worked with to think it’s ok.

Just to add this was about 3 years ago, not in the 80s or anything when sexual harassment was more common

I still reckon somone is jealous of your like-ability and warmth and maybe would love a friend/colleague like you or to be able to be warm and friendly with others like you can be.

Op does sound lovely and warm and I'm sure lots of her colleagues like her. I'm sure she'll find ways to express that warmth without hugging everyone

Why do a lot of women jump to 'they must be jealous' in any situation like this?

I'm genuinely curious, because it starts on the school playground, and I've never known a boy or man use that explanation for any bad feeling.

I suppose it spares the person who's done something wrong/made a mistake, from actually looking at their own behaviour. But why a friend would encourage that, I don't know.

You're being obtuse. Hugging isn't appropriate behaviour in the workplace and you should know that.

Think about it, gave you been over the top lately, have you hugged someone that didn't want to be or you're not close to.

I dislike hugs and would be very happy to never hug ever, however if someone hugs me I hug back even though I’m massively uncomfortable but I don’t want to make it awkward. Maybe that’s what happened with someone at work

Can anyone offer advice on how I can handle this ???

Yeah, you stop doing it. HTH

I’d assuming doing the conga round the office naked isn’t allowed either but you wouldn’t need that written down somewhere to tell you that would you??

you can’t literally go round hugging people in work- how bloody strange!!

Hug your boss. He sounds stressed.

Your boss is correct, OP. Your boss is probably thinking of protecting both you and the company from a sexual harassment claim. It's also possible someone has complained about your behaviour, or your boss has seen you and simply views it as unprofessional. (FWIW, I once had a boss who was a hugger. She was a truly wonderful woman, but I absolutely hate people hugging me - she never picked up on how awkward it was and I was too shy and worried about offending her to say. There may be a situation where you can't read people as well as you think and they don't appreciate your hugs.)

I am very uncomfortable with social hugging, but often go along with it because people seem to expect it. I do try to tell people I don't like it, or hold back. It always surprises me how much huggers seem to think its okay to just invade your personal space and can rarely judge body language. It's intrusive and inappropriate in a work. Don't do it without asking first, and be careful anyway especially with juniors or shy people

Stop it, not everyone is touchy feely, I would not have liked it one bit, however, I would have told you. You are not ENTITLED.

As a manager I'd guess someone has complained. Do you have students/trainees in your workplace? I've noticed they are quick to comment on such things. I'm not a hugger myself but know people who are!

I would just stop the hugs unless someone hugs you

Office etiquette has changed a lot in 20 years. For a lot of people any physical contact is a step too far. I had a boss in my 20s who used to come up behind my desk and massage my shoulders and I HATED it but never dared say anything.

Someone has definitely mentioned it/ complained and this is the first stage of a gentle 'warning' so it has been documented that you've been told.
You have to stop.

You also have called your boss a Cunt.
This is very telling, isn’t it? 😬
Everyone simply loves being hugged by me multiple times a day except my boss, so obviously she’s a cunt.
Something not quite so cute and cuddly seeping out there, op.

OP you need to consider that you are invading peoples’ personal space. That your boss has only just mentioned this suggests that someone - possibly more than one person - has complained. Some people don’t like to be touched. If they don’t want to tell you to your face for fear of causing offence, and you continue to do it, then they may have seen a complaint as their only recourse to get it stopped. Take the hint. Stop.

The above. I was never hugged by my parents and as a 56 year old I still don't like it. The only person who hugs me now is my partner and even he knows to ask before he does.

If I worked with you, I would have complained about it to your boss the first time you tried to do it to me.

Bloody hell, couldn't you just tell the person to stop doing it without dobbing them in to HR? I bet you were one of those kids at school who ran to the teacher every five minutes grassing up the other kids 🤨

No it's not allowed your boss said to stop. Seems like the main problem is that you can't listen

I'm French, and as I posted above, can't stand being hugged. Don't assume.

I have this in my workplace! I get so uncomfortable but I would not have thought to ever complain as I know the lady who does it means no harm but gosh it’s awkward!

I know you probably feel embarrassed but all you need to do is just stop. I honestly don’t enjoy 99% of the hugs I get in work. I do like a hand on the shoulder or an arm squeeze and I often do similar. Just a squeeze of the forearm of a colleague to say ‘I get it’ and I’m here in solidarity. A full on hug though suggests I’m weak or fragile and I’m not.