Told by boss to stop hugging in the office

[Ilovechcolatealways]

Evening all

I have been working at my current job for over 20 years so have built good relationships with most colleagues
I consider it part of my personality to hug certain colleagues. I usually hug hello / goodbye but sometimes also during the working day

We work in a stressful environment, therefore some days are worse than others and I like a hug to relieve stress !!!

Today I was called into an office by my boss and told that I must stop hugging in the workplace and it is not the 'done' thing at work.

In all of my time there, I have NEVER been told / asked to stop doing this.

The recipient's of the hugs always reciprocate the hug and none have ever told me they are uncomfortable with them. Obviously if they were then I would stop immediately and apologise. I have read our policies today and nowhere does it state that hugging is not allowed and I really don't want to stop.

Can anyone offer advice on how I can handle this ???

Your manager may just be grouchy and jealous of your close relationships.

You’ve been there 20 years and this hasn’t come up before?

I’d hazard a guess that people have told each other to ‘watch out for x - you’ll get hugged’ - you’ve probably got a reputation and a nickname

id have complained about that the first time you thought you could hug me.

Absolutely inappropriate

This is a reverse?

Gareth is that you?

I told you to stop hugging people last year, you took no notice. Was very noticeable that you only hugged the young pretty women, the men and the older women were never offered a hug. Sexism writ large, I reported you and I'm happy if it is you, they're finally doing something about you. Creepy as fuck.

Personally, I find lots of hugging uncomfortable and if someone kept hugging me at work I would find it difficult to tell them to stop as I wouldn’t want to offend them.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

I honestly wished I worked in an office where hugs were freely given if the situation warranted it. It doesn't sound like the OP is tone deaf and realises when it is liked. We went to work permanently from home (medical proofreader) during covid and I am very lonely for company and/or occasional hugs.

Can anyone offer advice on how I can handle this ???

Stop hugging people.

It's safest all round to keep your hands and body to yourself these days, even with pets. My dog snaps at strangers' hands suddenly looming from above. If there's time, I warn them, but sometimes there isn't, and sometimes they don't like to be told.

Probably best you stop hugging in the office.

I'd absolutely loathe someone hugging me on a daily basis at work.

@SilverChampagne ,
@PolaroidPrincess

Good points. If this is how you behave when asked to follow rules, leaves a lot to be desired.

Wondering if you feel hugging makes you popular?

No one is saying don't be a hugger, but there's a time and place.

Most would be mortified to have been unwittingly putting colleagues in an uncomfortable position,

Yet you seem to think you're a great reader of people and no one has complained.
Your responses have undertones of "I'll stop, but..... "

There are no ifs or buts OP, accept it as a new rule, not a slight on you.

We all know two faced people whom we once counted as close friends.

Humans are complex and as evidenced by many posters, hugging back doesn't mean they're happy to be hugged.

Exactly. You've been asked to stop. It's unprofessional. So just stop. Someone had definitely complained- no way wpule your manager just randomly raise it (more effort than it's worth unless it's for a good reason like a complaint had been made).

OP has said 93 times* that she is no longer going to hug people at work.

We seem to be in 'cancel the cheque' territory here

• Or at least it feels like it. But at least a dozen times I'm sure.

I hug a few friends but it’s people I would see outside of work. There’s one chap I joke I’m going to hug due to a long standing joke but i definitely don’t hug lots of people in work repeated.

OP tone it down and make sure you know the difference between friends and good colleagues. If they moved an hour or two away would you drive and visit them? Would you keep in contact?

I hate hugs apart from people I am very close to. I would not like a colleague hugging me. Sorry

I think you're getting a bit if a hard time. I've also worked with my colleagues for almost 20 years and it's very natural for us to have a quick hello hug when we start work. It's not even a big thing just a quick squeeze. We also know that a couple aren't huggers so they don't get hugged, again it's not a big thing.

I'm guessing that over your 20 years there, some colleagues have gone and new ones have come on board. Chances are, not everyone who has joined up has been as excited about your hugs as your original group. These days you're probably a bit older than some of the newer employees and it might feel strange to them in a way that it didn't with your contemporaries.

Your intentions are good, and it sounds like it's important to you that people feel comfortable and supported, which is one of the reasons for your hugs. But now the hugs need to stop so that people can feel comfortable and supported. Don't make a thing of it, don't talk about it or people will definitely start to feel weird about you. Just stop, find a new way to show support.

Be the person who always brings in bagels on a Monday morning. People love that person.

My phone wanted me to suggest that you be the person that brings in beagles on a Monday morning. I believe people would also love that person.

So in essence THEY are hugging you?
Have all of you “huggers” been spoken to by your boss?

Hugging at work is very strange unless you work in a family business or similar and even then 😬

I can't stand hugging, even with close friends. I hug kids I know well, and my DH. That's all. This in a work environment would drive me crackers.

Absolutely stop hugging people at work.
I would feel so uncomfortable coming to work and being hugged by a colleague, but I wouldn't feel able to say anything. I hate hugs. I love hugging my kids and DP. That is all. I cannot imagine having to hug at work.

I suspect your colleagues aren't as comfortable as you think. Personal space needs to be respected in a professional setting such as work. On a rare occasion if someone is really upset perhaps it's ok if that person is comfortable but not as a day to day occurrence.

I think since covid hugging in general has fallen out of favour. Someone must find it uncomfortable and it must be one of the people you are hugging. As why would anyone else genuinely care? I would just stop doing it. Hug your friends and family outside of work.

I wouldn't mind if it was someone I liked but it would be hard for them to say 'No I don't want you to hug me' in front of a load of people. It's putting them in an awkward position. Especially if they are senior or junior to you or you're a boss.

cancel the hug!
I am also a non hugger who would be very uncomfortable being hugged in work but OP has ALSO said she tends to only hug people who clearly want one and in most example are literally walking towards her with their arms out!
but god forbid people read the whole thread (or even JUST op's updates!) before jumping in to stick their oar in.

It is a little odd to hug colleagues every day as a goodbye and hello. And I'm not sure it can be claimed as a personality trait. Maybe someone has complained. He is just doing his job and protecting the company from complaints and the like. I don't see why you feel it's such a strong point to argue - is it worth falling out with colleagues to continue the behaviour?

Was coming on to say this. If you're correct that none of the hug recipients are uncomfortable, it may be that someone whom you neglect in your hugging spree is feeling left out, and would rather you hug nobody than leave her unhugged.

Either way, the solution seems clear, you've taken it on board, and I hope it's not too hard for you to carry through!

FWIW I only hug family.