I despise my fiancés place of work

[MrsH15001]

my fiancé has been at his place of work for around 9 years now. Long before he became a parent, since he’s now a father they have absolutely done their upmost to make life difficult for him.

Im a SAHM so it’s very rare probably only emergencies when he needs to be home, like now. Our DS is in full time school, DD 18 months old is currently in a cast with a fractured tibia/fibia I do not drive, it’s a 20 minute walk to my sons school but I do it daily. The issue is now I can not dress my child due to the fracture and the cast she has, she’s only able to wear tops right now. It’s absolutely bucketing it down with rain and freezing cold were we live. We have absolutely no help so I have no one to take or collect my son from school. My daughter is currently also unwell with a chest infection so taking her out in tops and coat is not ideal in this weather. Fiancé is due to finish work at 7:30pm and I’ve asked if he can leave early to collect our son. We have no village, just us. He said no, work won’t allow him. Me and him are now currently not seeing eye to eye as I’m saying it’s a legal requirement to allow unpaid leave to look after a dependent. Alls he needs to do is collect him and bring him home then return back to work. He’s saying it’s pointless by the time he leaves work and gets back it won’t be long until he finishes. But we need it, I need the help. He says he’s also asked his manager and it’s down to his employer and their saying no so there’s nothing he can do. Just don’t know where to stand I feel everything is just so hard for me right now I’m struggling to split myself in two. It’s only today (mon &Tuesday) as he’s off the rest off the week and she will be in the clinic on weekend getting her cast changed..

I’ve called the school and asked if he can be added onto the taxi service which I’m happy to pay for but unfortunately he doesn’t meet the criteria.. I have no one else to ask and I don’t know what to do

Unpaid parental leave does exist however it cannot be used like this, it has to be requested 21 days in advance, has to be in 1 week blocks, and employer can delay if for up to 6 months.

It’s a tough situation though as if he can’t leave then he can’t leave, but appreciate that leaves you in a tough position. Could you get in a taxi to go pick child up and bring him back?

I could get a taxi yes, it’s not really ideal sitting my 18 month old on my knee who’s already casted up from her toes up to thigh with just a T-shirt on and a coat then standing on the school yard waiting for him to come out. I’ve never known a employer to want 21 days in advance notice for someone to leave work to collect their child, that’s news to me so thank you for making me aware of that

That sounds so tough OP, but I think the answer is a taxi, not for your husband to leave work.

Those are the rules for the unpaid parental leave he is entitled to x

By the sound of it, he’s not even prepared to ask his employer. He’s just told you ‘no’.

Which leads me to wonder if it really is the case that his employer is generally difficult and inflexible about him being a parent, or your fiancé is just unwilling to help and it’s much easier to blame work.

So what is he suggesting you do if he can’t help?

I think the OP is thinking of Emergency Time off for a Dependants rather than unpaid parental leave.

Could you use the cosy toes and rain cover on the pram?

I'd be willing to bet several £ he hasn't even asked.

What does he do?

Give your son the day off school?

Think you need to learn to drive OP being a SAHM is a privilege not afforded to most .

What does he do? I'm probably with the "hasn't asked" posters. Either because he thinks he is terribly important and just can't miss work, or because no one else asks or because it's easier being at work than dealing with small children.

Wrap your DD in a blanket, or one of your coats/jackets?
Sounds really frustrating for you, but probably not insurmountable.

It sounds like he hasn’t even asked as he can’t be bothered

Ask your DH who he asked in his department, and what the response was. It should be in writing.

You can get emergency parental leave because of disruption of childcare arrangements.

So, if he has emailed HR and requested EPL, and they have refused without decent grounds, then they are breaking the law.

I think it's much more likely he simply didn't ask.

Very annoying from your DH - mine is also quite reluctant to ask for small favours like this. But I also agree with PP, wrap her up in blankets/pramcosy or some toddler joggers (something old belonging to your DS maybe?) that are big enough to go over the cast? Stick the rain cover on. I'd be more worried about taking her out if she was feverish/vomiting but if it's a fracture and she's otherwise well then I'd crack on with some flexible layers.

When my daughter was in a full leg cast (broken thigh bone) at 4 years old, we cut up the side of the trouser leg so she could still wear them and go out and about.

Surely you just burrito DD up in a blanket in the buggy or car seat?

Doesn't the buggy have a rain cover?

Have you asked any of the other parents if they could help out in the short term? Or contacted local childminders?

Given your husband is the sole breadwinner and doesn't finish until 7.30pm, getting him to leave work doesn't seem like a sensible solution.

It's not cold enough in the U.K. to worry about an hour in a buggy, assuming you have blankets and a rain cover. Think you might just have to get on with it, lots of parents do.

If you're 20 minutes walk from school then that's a mile, so not very far. The obvious thing to do would be to ask another school parent to bring your child home. Most parents would be totally happy to do this in the circumstances you describe.

Agreed

It wouldn't cross my mind to get the other parent involved with this just because she can't wear trousers.

Surely there are many times when the walk to school isn't in ideal circumstances.

Your daughter is going to be colder in winter in trousers than she is now in autumn with no trousers l

Oh sorry OP that’s a tough one. I have a disabled older brother and I remember when I was young life was full of challenges like these. Solidarity there.

Like another PP suggests, can you dress your daughter as far as you can, then wrap her up in one of your long coats, or one of your dressing gowns? She might find the experience fun, I used to dress in my mum’s dressing gown and pretended I was the queen (like, having a train behind me). “Gamify” the whole expedition if you can.

good luck!

He said no, work won’t allow him.
He hasn't asked. Bet my last penny on that.

Put a small picnic rug across her lap and then put her covered legs inside a black plastic bag if her raincover no longer fits over her. Walking in rain for 20 mins is no fun even without a poorly child. Good luck in getting through this tough time, and try to learn to drive as a priority, or move, you are too vulnerable otherwise.

Also I think you need to try and build a support network around yourself. It’s easier to do that presumably a SAHM than if you work