I despise my fiancés place of work

[MrsH15001]

my fiancé has been at his place of work for around 9 years now. Long before he became a parent, since he’s now a father they have absolutely done their upmost to make life difficult for him.

Im a SAHM so it’s very rare probably only emergencies when he needs to be home, like now. Our DS is in full time school, DD 18 months old is currently in a cast with a fractured tibia/fibia I do not drive, it’s a 20 minute walk to my sons school but I do it daily. The issue is now I can not dress my child due to the fracture and the cast she has, she’s only able to wear tops right now. It’s absolutely bucketing it down with rain and freezing cold were we live. We have absolutely no help so I have no one to take or collect my son from school. My daughter is currently also unwell with a chest infection so taking her out in tops and coat is not ideal in this weather. Fiancé is due to finish work at 7:30pm and I’ve asked if he can leave early to collect our son. We have no village, just us. He said no, work won’t allow him. Me and him are now currently not seeing eye to eye as I’m saying it’s a legal requirement to allow unpaid leave to look after a dependent. Alls he needs to do is collect him and bring him home then return back to work. He’s saying it’s pointless by the time he leaves work and gets back it won’t be long until he finishes. But we need it, I need the help. He says he’s also asked his manager and it’s down to his employer and their saying no so there’s nothing he can do. Just don’t know where to stand I feel everything is just so hard for me right now I’m struggling to split myself in two. It’s only today (mon &Tuesday) as he’s off the rest off the week and she will be in the clinic on weekend getting her cast changed..

I’ve called the school and asked if he can be added onto the taxi service which I’m happy to pay for but unfortunately he doesn’t meet the criteria.. I have no one else to ask and I don’t know what to do

Can’t drive, no friends, won’t get a taxi. I can see why DH is frustrated.

Another one saying this is not his work preventing him - it's him. He just doesn't want to do it or doesn't see why he should.

Either that, or there is something else going on, like he thinks he has to do this kind of thing too often etc.

What's wrong with putting your toddler in a buggy, all wrapped up on her bottom half? Seems like an obvious solution, what am I missing?

Hmm yes without a proper car seat by the sound of it.

And have to hang around in the cold waiting for the older child to come out of school - not ideal with a chest infection when the baby can’t wear proper clothes.

I think the majority of posters have read the OP correctly and given fair advice. A plaster cast and a chest infection are not an emergency. The child can be bundled up, throw a pair of the older child’s pj’s pants over the cast and some blankets. Or get a taxi.

I find it a bit odd when people are so casual like 'I don't drive' as if it's something beneath them or not even an consideration. Must be quite awful being reliant always on others to ferry you around everywhere. It's understandable if someone can't for physical health reasons, but if not there isn't really any excuse in this day and age to opt out of being capable of driving and leave it up to everyone else.

I don’t think it will do much harm, she will not be walking or expending energy, she will be wrapped up warm in blankets and she will have a rain cover on. Not much difference to being inside, and fresh air is always good.

they have absolutely done their upmost to make life difficult for him.

I don’t think expecting him to be doing his job equates to making life difficult for him.

only emergencies when he needs to be home, like now.

I really don’t think this is an emergency. You’re there and you can take her to school to collect your son.

I don’t know what to do

As lots of people have said-wrap her up in a blanket and put a rain cover on the buggy-she’ll probably go to sleep. My DD broke her leg badly at a similar age and just wore loose jersey dresses and socks in the buggy.

Fresh air on a mild September day is absolute fine for a chest infection. Most likely advised.

If you are not working, that suggests your finances are okay.

Use that money to book driving lessons.

I simply don't understand anyone who doesn't drive and then complain that they can't get from A to B (excluding medical reasons of course.)

Me and all my friends (and my adult children) had passed our driving tests by age 19.

It's a life skill and even more essential if you have no kind neighbours, friends or family to help you out.

Yes, though perhaps the household can only afford one car, as is very common, and OP’s husband normally uses it to get to and from work. There are more workarounds if she is at least able to drive eg he gets a lift with a colleague/bus/taxi/she drops him off.

I wouldn’t have even considered asking my husband to come home for this and I really don’t think it’s an emergency situation. What would you normally do on a school run when it’s raining? Do the same thing just wrap a blanket over little ones legs. It’s wet and miserable out there but it’s not particularly cold, LO will be fine with a blanket and rain cover on.

It's not cold - it's the middle of September

You can't just ring your partner to leave work every single time you're struggling - part of being a SAHP is dealing with all the school runs, sick children and shitty weather, unfortunately.

when the baby can’t wear proper clothes.

I don’t understand this at all. Why can’t she wear a loose fitting dress? Or a pair of the older child’s pyjamas, shorts or joggers? Or a pair of your pyjamas even-just whilst in the buggy.

This ^

There's options

You don't need to disrupt your husband

I'd build up a small network of people who can help, for the future AND learn to drive

You're the main carer so you need to sort situations like this yourself

The OP can 'afford' not to work, so the assumption is that a small car would be affordable and should be a priority as should being able to drive.

I bought my first car at 19 when I was at uni.

So cover it with a blanket and a buggy raincover? People do not stay at home for weeks with a plaster cast

Why does the cast mean she can't be dressed? You can buy one pair of trousers a few sizes bigger and put those on top of the cast.

Agreed. Being a SAHP when you’re well enough to work is a luxury.

Sorry OP I really feel for you it sounds like a difficult situation but I’m sorta with your DH here, there is going to be many many days when the school run won’t be easy, little one is sick, it’s snowing, icy etc and your DH can’t run home every time, especially if he is the sole worker.
today you need to wrap baby in a blanket or put cosy toes on the buggy and put a rain cover on but longer term you should look to learn to drive (if no medical issues preventing) and perhaps build relationships with other school mums. Do a few favours with the school run for them when you are able and build some good will for days when things get really hard. Good luck!

So many suggestions that don't involve your DH potentially jeopardising his job. He's the only breadwinner in your house!

I'd build up a small network of people who can help, for the future AND learn to drive

This.

You will probably need to be prepared to do favours for other people as well though-collecting their children from school etc Maybe let the chest infection get better first though!

I think it’s unfair to assume that just because OP is a SAHM they can afford another car plus driving lessons. You’re talking hundreds of pounds a month for lessons.

Fiancé is due to finish work at 7:30pm and I’ve asked if he can leave early to collect our son. how early would he need to leave work to be at school for pick up?
Pick ups 4 1/2 hours before he finishes so adding in any commute you're asking to finish possibly 5 hours early?!