I despise my fiancés place of work

[MrsH15001]

my fiancé has been at his place of work for around 9 years now. Long before he became a parent, since he’s now a father they have absolutely done their upmost to make life difficult for him.

Im a SAHM so it’s very rare probably only emergencies when he needs to be home, like now. Our DS is in full time school, DD 18 months old is currently in a cast with a fractured tibia/fibia I do not drive, it’s a 20 minute walk to my sons school but I do it daily. The issue is now I can not dress my child due to the fracture and the cast she has, she’s only able to wear tops right now. It’s absolutely bucketing it down with rain and freezing cold were we live. We have absolutely no help so I have no one to take or collect my son from school. My daughter is currently also unwell with a chest infection so taking her out in tops and coat is not ideal in this weather. Fiancé is due to finish work at 7:30pm and I’ve asked if he can leave early to collect our son. We have no village, just us. He said no, work won’t allow him. Me and him are now currently not seeing eye to eye as I’m saying it’s a legal requirement to allow unpaid leave to look after a dependent. Alls he needs to do is collect him and bring him home then return back to work. He’s saying it’s pointless by the time he leaves work and gets back it won’t be long until he finishes. But we need it, I need the help. He says he’s also asked his manager and it’s down to his employer and their saying no so there’s nothing he can do. Just don’t know where to stand I feel everything is just so hard for me right now I’m struggling to split myself in two. It’s only today (mon &Tuesday) as he’s off the rest off the week and she will be in the clinic on weekend getting her cast changed..

I’ve called the school and asked if he can be added onto the taxi service which I’m happy to pay for but unfortunately he doesn’t meet the criteria.. I have no one else to ask and I don’t know what to do

I also think he hasnt asked his manager either.

However, I would ask on the class whatsapp group if anyone would be able to collect your son and bring him to you (explain why). I would absolutely do it for anyone in my DCs class, whether I knew them or not, and pretty much all parents in DC class would do the same.

We've had several requests like this due a parent working away and the parent at home has covid/food poisoning/broken ankle etc and there has always been several parents who have volunteered.

Honestly, please do post on the class/year whatsapp - no need to be embarrassed and someone would definitely help you (even if they dont know you as their DC will know your son as they are in the same year together).

Good luck

Can’t you just wrap blanket around her legs? Or pay for a taxi? Maybe he’s worried about asking for time off as he’s the sole earner and that’s a lot of pressure. And please consider how financially vulnerable you could be, being a SAHP without being married.

Can you get a taxi and ask another parent to bring your child to the taxi so you don't have to get out of the car?

Sorry OP I agree that you just need to wrap your youngest up in plenty of blankets, then walk them as normal in the buggy. A blanket would be thicker than most trousers so you should get them quite cosy!

This isn't an emergency - if your youngest had broken their leg and needed collecting from hospital, that would be an emergency.

Why can't she wear a dress op? Long dress to cover her, then blankets over her age reading cover? Get taxi there and back with pushchair?

Alt how old is DS? I'd give him the day off.

If DH only works two days a week, I can see why he might feel awkward asking for time off, but needs must. I'm also team "he didn't ask"

Asking the WhatsApp group is a good idea if you’re in one. I’d definitely help in these circumstances even if I didn’t know you.

Sounds like the real issue is that he won't ask to take emergency leave, not that you actually need it this time.

Your baby will probably be warmer in a cast than leggings anyway. Can always put a long sock on the other leg. Once in a cosy toes in the pram with the cover on they'll be fine.

She’s only 1.5 so can easily be wrapped up in the pram footmuff or a blanket. It’s going to be cold and rainy most days now and she will have a cast for 6 weeks or so, so it’s not realistic for him to leave work every day to do the school run.

It's rubbish that his work are being unhelpful when you are feeling overwhelmed. It is just the clothing? I would have thought a dressing gown or blankets would keep her warm. However can she comfortably sit in a buggy if she has a whole leg cast on? Do you have any school WhatsApp groups you could ask for help on? Offer to return the favour once her cast is off.

I think a taxi is the best option today, but OP you really need to start building your village. Even as a SAHM there will be times you are stuck like this, and helping others will help
your children make bonds with other kids.

You're overcomplicating things; it's not that difficult a problem to address.

Your youngest is in a cast and a push chair. She doesn't need clothes on her bottom half. She can be in a sleep bag or swaddled in blankets or any number of warm covering while she is in her buggy. A rain cover on the buggy and bob's your uncle.

A 20 minute walk to and from school is perfectly reasonable even with a child with a chest infection if dressed appropriately. She'll be better in a few days anyway, so it's just getting through this week and keeping her warm and rested when you get home.

I don't think this situation is the real issue here, @MrsH15001 . I think you probably feel unsupported generally and this is the straw breaking the camel's back. I expect blaming your husband's workplace is easier than addressing the inequalities of effort you feel you're putting in.

You sound overwhelmed but I don’t think this is as difficult as you’ve worked yourself up into thinking. Warm socks on DD, dress if has one or just bundle up with blankets or footmuffs. Rain cover on as needed. She will be fine. You can do this, big breaths and you’ll be OK.

Yeah, I wouldn’t be asking for emergency leave for this either. Rain doesn’t really constitute an emergency.

A blanket and rain cover will be just fine.

What is your husbands job- with more colour it might explain why he can't. For example an office job, he could leave early then log on when he gets home etc. Although, he might have not even asked his boss as doesn't deem it necessary, only he knows the answer to that one.

Only options if you wish to use transport is a bus, taxi or a favour from a friend.

Long term, you should look at getting a driving license and use the car when you need it - the freedom will change your life.

Where in the UK is it freezing cold? It's rainy here but still quite humid and about 17 degrees.

For now, get a cab.

Going forward, get some of those sleeping bags that button over the shoulder and a good rain cover for the buggy with a sheepskin buggy liner. These will keep your daughter warm and dry in the school run.

It's a horrible tough time of life and our society is ruthlessly indifferent to work life balance where young families are concerned. But you will get through it and there's no point in falling out with your partner over it as he is clearly stressed about the work ethic where he is.

Maybe he could start looking around for a job with similar or better pay and less rigid conditions.

Bottom half wrapped in blankets and rain cover on the buggy?

Is there a class WhatsApp? Could you ask a favour for today?
Wrap her up snug as a bug?

If you can't do the above, taxi for today.

Longer term - is learning to drive an option so you're not entirely reliant on your DH?

I agree with this, would you be expecting him to take leave every time it rains until the cast is off?

Can't you wrap them up in blankets/footmuff/sleeping bag/anything, put them in the pushchair and stick the rain cover on?

I agree with this post. OP I understand you are finding things overwhelming at the moment but unfortunately some workplaces just can’t offer that flexibility to have people pop out to do school runs. If he can leave and come straight back to work, then it’s not an ‘emergency’. Whether this lack of flexibility is right or wrong is not the issue at the moment.

Today and the immediate future you will need to take a taxi or just wrap up well and walk. In the medium term, is there a barrier that’s stopping you learning how to drive? If it’s just nerves you need to push past it and just try, even if it’s getting your license just to do school and shop runs. What do you do if there’s an ‘emergency’ (illness) at school? It’s not the ideal situation to have to walk.

They haven't made life difficult for him, you're just wanting him to ask for things he didn't before that sound pretty unreasonable.

Why should they pay him to look after your kids, they need to pay him for actual work (plus covering all the things he's entitled to like annual leave etc.).

See if the school will let you pick your son up from the main office for today, so you and dd can stay in the warm once yous are out the taxi. I'm sure someone would fetch him. Then you could wait there with the taxi or ring another one to take you home

There's unpaid parental leave which needs advance booking and to be taken in blocks, but there's also a separate legal entitlement to reasonable unpaid emergency leave for dependents.

Yes he should help you.

He probably hasn't asked/knows there's no point in asking but let's put that to one side and solve the problem at hand.

How did DS get to school this morning? How had you planned to get him home? Has something changed? Is it 'just' the rain?

I think your best bet is wrapping DD up as best you can with plenty of blankets, maybe some of DS' jogging bottoms, and then a footmuff/the rain cover and just cracking on.

I'd have a think about your options moving forward through, a non-driving SAHM with a very limited support network puts you in a really vulnerable position...

Although could you not get a big pushchair foot muff thing and raincover?