I despise my fiancés place of work

[MrsH15001]

my fiancé has been at his place of work for around 9 years now. Long before he became a parent, since he’s now a father they have absolutely done their upmost to make life difficult for him.

Im a SAHM so it’s very rare probably only emergencies when he needs to be home, like now. Our DS is in full time school, DD 18 months old is currently in a cast with a fractured tibia/fibia I do not drive, it’s a 20 minute walk to my sons school but I do it daily. The issue is now I can not dress my child due to the fracture and the cast she has, she’s only able to wear tops right now. It’s absolutely bucketing it down with rain and freezing cold were we live. We have absolutely no help so I have no one to take or collect my son from school. My daughter is currently also unwell with a chest infection so taking her out in tops and coat is not ideal in this weather. Fiancé is due to finish work at 7:30pm and I’ve asked if he can leave early to collect our son. We have no village, just us. He said no, work won’t allow him. Me and him are now currently not seeing eye to eye as I’m saying it’s a legal requirement to allow unpaid leave to look after a dependent. Alls he needs to do is collect him and bring him home then return back to work. He’s saying it’s pointless by the time he leaves work and gets back it won’t be long until he finishes. But we need it, I need the help. He says he’s also asked his manager and it’s down to his employer and their saying no so there’s nothing he can do. Just don’t know where to stand I feel everything is just so hard for me right now I’m struggling to split myself in two. It’s only today (mon &Tuesday) as he’s off the rest off the week and she will be in the clinic on weekend getting her cast changed..

I’ve called the school and asked if he can be added onto the taxi service which I’m happy to pay for but unfortunately he doesn’t meet the criteria.. I have no one else to ask and I don’t know what to do

I hope your little one feels better soon, OP. It's awful seeing them hurt and not being able to fix it. I'd suggest wrapping her up with a snuggly blanket or two and popping her in pushchair footmuff thing - she'll probably enjoy the fresh air and she'll still be warm enough. You can bring extra layers to add if needed.

Emergency leave will not cover the next few weeks. It's designed to cover short notice "emergencies". He will have to take annual leave or unpaid leave, unless the employer is prepared to be sympathetic.

The point of having a SAHM is surely to sort everything at home (at least when working parent is at work)? Do you also have a pet hate that SAHMs assume the working parent will earn all the money with no help from them?

This isn’t remotely comparable, it’s not a childcare emergency. In the event of him having split custody presumably if he was picking up his child on his days it would be arranged with work or he would have other childcare arranged.

A sahm not wanting to walk 20 mins in the rain is hardly an emergency.

Wrap her up in the buggy to collect him today and keep him home tomorrow. Hopefully things will be easier next week. It’s a bit crap that the school taxi service won’t bring him for two days. My son had a taxi to secondary school due to SN’s and occasionally had someone share with him for various reasons.

I’m not sure why your toddler DD being in a cast and not being able to be dressed on her legs makes that much difference to the school run.

This. It’s not like it’s snowing! Put her in a baggy dress and a coat-why does it have to be a t-shirt??

Then put a blanket over her and a rain cover if it’s raining. She’s only 18 months-that will be fine,

You're a SAHM, it makes far more sense for you to do it and than him to try to leave work to do it and then go back to work again.

Rain is an issue with a plaster cast.

This is one of the best things I've ever read on here. How simple, and how absolutely true. And how, realistically, it mostly applies to dads, and not mums. And it also goes hand in hand with beating down SAHMs so they have no future security, while dad still earns, uninterrupted.
.. Thanks for that @Naunet , I'm going to use your words in "real life" to give food for thought to certain people who are negative about SAHMs.

Clearly people are not reading the OP properly - the little child has a broken leg AND a chest infection. I doubt that being out in a buggy is going to be good for the chest infection!

There is always one 🙄
Talking to OP about her “privileges of being SAHM” is not going to help her, is it?

Women don't request leave for childcare emergencies unless it really is an emergency and there is no alternative.
Partly because they don't want to take the piss or to use up potentially limited good will.

There are several good alternatives here. It's not an emergency.

Surely he could use his lunch time break to do the pick up - my husband often has to do it as I'm not always well enough to do school runs.

You say you can get a taxi, so that's what you'll have to do. You can't expect him to leave work early just because it's raining and you don't drive.

I wouldn’t say this is an emergency. An emergency is your child being taken to hospital or the other parent has had surgery and can’t move or something. If you’re a SAHM he’s likely thinking this is your job to manage. She doesn’t need to wear trousers, just put a dress on her or wrap her in a blanket and put her in the buggy. Wear raincoats.

Why don't you drive OP?

I don't think you have the luxury of continuing on as a non-driver. You will constantly run into problems if you can't get you and the kids around autonomously. I appreciate you can't necessarily learn in the next week for this issue, but long term you will need to be able to drive. It's not really fair on the kids if the parent looking after them most often is unable to get them places without a big rigmarole of taxis etc. what would you do in an emergency if you needed to get one of them to hospital and DH was away?

Sorry if I'm being stupid, but can't you just cover her with blankets and a rain cover in a pushchair?

But it isn't an emergency. There are loads of possible solutions eg pay a taxi, wrap DD up warm, cut off one leg of DD's trousers, ask a parent from the school to help

She doesn't need to go in a buggy, OP has said she can get a taxi.

Do exactly what you’d do in wintery weather in January. Big fluffy foot muff on the pushchair, wrapped in a thick blanket, rain cover on, give yourself extra time. There will be lots of times when your toddler won’t be well enough to make the journey easy if you don’t drive. You just have to power through. I wouldn’t expect Dh to take off work if I was home and well enough myself to do it.

Only if his lunch time break coincides with school run time or he has the ability to decide when he takes it. Many people don't. And it sounds like going there and back might take longer than a break time anyway.

have you spoken to your child’s school? Do they have any pastoral care? My DDs school would bring my DDs home to me if I was in this situation. For a number of years I was very ill and struggled especially when my DH was away with work. I called in one day to say my DDs would not be in school as I was too sick to take them. The school called me back to say get them dressed we will be there is 20 mins. That was the start of 2 years of them helping me when things got bad, either picking them up, but mainly bringing them home. I only ever asked when I was too unwell.

Alternately if your willing to pay for a taxi, call the school explain what’s happening and ask them to let DS out 5 min early or later so all you have to do is pull up and grab DS without waiting outside with the other parents. There are multiple children at DDs school who are picked up early, usually due to Sen or hang around for 5 mins for the appropriate adult to collect them from the office instead of school gate.

I think to can go and get your ds with the baby in a buggy, wrapped up in a blanket.

I know it isn't entirely convenient, but it doesn't sound like a situation I'd expect someone to leave work over.

In the future, there's a benefit in banking so favours from the other school parents for situations like this.

But it's still not an emergency. If it rains all week is the husband expected to leave work early every day? There might not be a perfect option but there are certain possibilities that don't involve pissing off the employer that provides the entirety of their family income.

Not sure if you've explained this in your posts but why don't you drive?

Driving is a basic life skill. Many people learn in their teens and are car owners, or at least drivers, by the age of 20.

If you are a parent with no one around to help out , you should have learned to drive, ideally years ago when you were younger.

Blaming your partner's work when really the solution is in your own hands (ie learning to drive) is a bit unreasonable.

Blankets, pram, rain cover.

It’s not ideal but needs must.

@Completelyjo To me it sounds like OP is struggling and it's nearing a mental health emergency.

"In the event of him having split custody presumably if he was picking up his child on his days it would be arranged with work or he would have other childcare arranged."

He'd surely need to leave work early at some point for an unforeseen. School closure, child illness, after school care falling through....