I despise my fiancés place of work

[MrsH15001]

my fiancé has been at his place of work for around 9 years now. Long before he became a parent, since he’s now a father they have absolutely done their upmost to make life difficult for him.

Im a SAHM so it’s very rare probably only emergencies when he needs to be home, like now. Our DS is in full time school, DD 18 months old is currently in a cast with a fractured tibia/fibia I do not drive, it’s a 20 minute walk to my sons school but I do it daily. The issue is now I can not dress my child due to the fracture and the cast she has, she’s only able to wear tops right now. It’s absolutely bucketing it down with rain and freezing cold were we live. We have absolutely no help so I have no one to take or collect my son from school. My daughter is currently also unwell with a chest infection so taking her out in tops and coat is not ideal in this weather. Fiancé is due to finish work at 7:30pm and I’ve asked if he can leave early to collect our son. We have no village, just us. He said no, work won’t allow him. Me and him are now currently not seeing eye to eye as I’m saying it’s a legal requirement to allow unpaid leave to look after a dependent. Alls he needs to do is collect him and bring him home then return back to work. He’s saying it’s pointless by the time he leaves work and gets back it won’t be long until he finishes. But we need it, I need the help. He says he’s also asked his manager and it’s down to his employer and their saying no so there’s nothing he can do. Just don’t know where to stand I feel everything is just so hard for me right now I’m struggling to split myself in two. It’s only today (mon &Tuesday) as he’s off the rest off the week and she will be in the clinic on weekend getting her cast changed..

I’ve called the school and asked if he can be added onto the taxi service which I’m happy to pay for but unfortunately he doesn’t meet the criteria.. I have no one else to ask and I don’t know what to do

I reckon you need to get going with passing your driving test (assuming that’s an option, which it may not be). Otherwise you are very reliant on DH. Future proofing etc!

Presumably his workplace is enabling you to be a SAHM through the decent salary they give him? Some jobs are inflexible.

As others have pointed out, the immediate problem you outline is not insoluble.

My teenager was in a full leg cast, he wore shorts or loose tracksuit bottoms and still went to school.

There is nothing stopping you from dressing your child and chucking them in a buggy.

I would have rung the school and told them my son was ill for the sake of 2 days. I think your husband’s employers are being unreasonable for what it’s worth.

You are being hugely unreasonable, its september and mild, not february. There is no reason at all why your toddler cant have a cosy blanket draped over her legs, or better still borrow a pair of her brothers pj bottoms which would probably be huge on her and will thus fit on top of the cast. Raincover over the buggy, sorted.
Rain when its mild really isn't an issue.
Long term OP you need to learn to drive to get some independence for yourself.

I'm afraid that I think @TorroFerney might be on to something here. Is DH able to work from home and then one of you just pops out to do the school run?
If not, I think it'll have to be one of the other suggestions about wrapping up your DD or covering her with a blanket when she's out and about.

It does sound as if you're having a tough time OP.

Just cover her legs with a foot muff or blanket. It's pretty warm and humid in most parts of the uk unless you live in the outer Hebrides. Even then a blanket would be enough

I definitely would too, even if I didn't know you very well. Most people are really helpful when you actually ask them - I've always been surprised how willing to help even complete strangers can be.

The immediate issue aside - it sounds like you feel your partner isn't there when you need him. That's an awful feeling and perhaps worth discussing when you're both calm and rested.

Sounds like you’re blaming your boyfriend’s employer when he’s being a crap father.

I think saying you despise his workplace is the wrong way to look at it.
Every employer has rules and every employee will have a contract and certain things have to be agreed in advance.
This is an unfortunate situation but hopefully not long term once your child is better.
You have every right to feel the need to be supported, there's no question of that. He needs to negotiate with his employer if he needs more flexible working or more short notice childcare leave.

Can't you use blankets and a rain cover or something? It's pissing it down here, but it isn't cold. I'm a SAHM, I also don't drive, and that is not something I would expect DH to take time off for at all. You say it's only today and tomorrow, so you crack on, it's only 2 days.
You could try asking other parents for a favour, or perhaps a childminder?

This. Absolutely this.

Being a working parent who never has to take any time off for your children is also a privilege, but one rarely acknowledged.

I don't know.
IT sounds like he's some distance from his workplace, so this is maybe looking at what 1.5-2 hours out of work?

Emergency leave is meant for emergencies, whereas unless the child was only put in a cast yesterday, this was a predictable eventuality and could be easily solved by a taxi, OP wrapping up her child warmly or another parent picking up.
And even if the employer allowed it today, it would still be a problem tomorrow and for the next few weeks while the DC is in a cast.

Sorry OP, it sounds tough but I think this is one for you to figure out (lots of suggestions on here).

I too suspect that your partner hasn't asked his employer but to be fair, it's not the right solution anyway. If I asked my employer for time off like this they might agree but would ask how I would cover my absence and/or make up the time and it would create a whole chain of issues.

Also, I know you say it's only for 2 days but you also say she'll have a new cast after this week, so isn't the problem going to continue for some weeks?

If you possibly can, please learn to drive. It's too late for your current situation but it will help you so much in future.

It does sound very hard OP, and I was a sahm with no family around and DH working long hours I do get that it’s all on you

But I’m not sure why your toddler DD being in a cast and not being able to be dressed on her legs makes that much difference to the school run. Does she not fit in the buggy with the cast? Otherwise just put her in the buggy and a blanket over her instead of trousers? Use a pair of your own/DH socks if necessary for her feet.

Alternatively if you’re happy to take your DD in a taxi then phone the school and explain. I’d be really surprised if they couldn’t accommodate someone to bring him out to you in a taxi in this one off situation.

It’s likely your DH hasn’t even asked his boss. They might well say no, or they could be completely fine with it. Or he might just not consider this to be a sensible option as he wants to keep his leave for true emergencies, and hasn’t even asked.

Perhaps the op can't afford to learn to drive get an extra car, insurance and tax.
Just wrap your DD up in blankets and put her in a buggy nice and warm, its not cold so dose her up( if shes on medication)and go and get your son.
I had a virus once and was really poorly but I went and picked my daughter up didnt think to ask DH to leave work to help. You'd be surprised what you can do.

I didn't think you could be refused emergency leave for dependents. So he probably hasn't asked.
Today get a taxi. Tonight ask your partner what he's going to do to help you for the next few weeks and look up the rules on emergency leave.
This is my pet hate on being a SAHM, the working parent just assumes the SAH one will magically sort everything with no help from them..
Suggesting OP learns to drive or creates a wide circle of friends isn't going to help her today.

Use an old fashioned hot-water bottle to keep the little one warm in her buggy. If you haven't got one, a plastic lemonade bottle filled with hot (not boiling) water and wrapped in a towel, will do the job. And get that buggy out and go fetch your eldest from school. You'll both feel better for the walk.
I take it he IS at school today - did DP drop him off on his way to work this morning?

Depends how far it would be for him to “pop out”. My last job was 20 miles from home and at least a half hour drive. It would be completely pointless (and a massive waste of petrol) for me to have driven there, started work, driven home, done a school run, driven back to work and done the school run again a few hours later.

Not every job is flexible; some of us work on public transport, emergency services, breakfast service in hotels, medical staff that run clinics, pharmacists, shop staff…..

OP, I'd be thoroughly pissed off too.

Women are expected to make these kinds of requests at work all.the.bloody.time. All he needs to say is it's a childcare emergency.

If you were to separate and he had 50% custody, what on Earth would he do if he were needed during an emergency during the work day?! It's a load of tosh.

Working mothers won't ever stand a chance if the men keep hiding behind this whole helpless shrug. sorry. I asked and they said no routine.

The rain’s a red herring.

If your DD did not have the cast you’d just go out in the rain and get on with it.

(plenty of others have pointed out that the cast is not an issue either).

I disagree. I would not expect my DH to take parental leave / emergency leave for this - a pick up from a primary school on 1 day.

There are quite a lot of suggestions put forward - all more suitable for this scenario than taking unpaid time off work.

What difference will 2 days make? Should the son be kept off school every day it rains while the cast is on?

Buggy with blankets wrapped round their legs. I presume you use a buggy normally for an 18 month old? And then a rain cover?