I despise my fiancés place of work

[MrsH15001]

my fiancé has been at his place of work for around 9 years now. Long before he became a parent, since he’s now a father they have absolutely done their upmost to make life difficult for him.

Im a SAHM so it’s very rare probably only emergencies when he needs to be home, like now. Our DS is in full time school, DD 18 months old is currently in a cast with a fractured tibia/fibia I do not drive, it’s a 20 minute walk to my sons school but I do it daily. The issue is now I can not dress my child due to the fracture and the cast she has, she’s only able to wear tops right now. It’s absolutely bucketing it down with rain and freezing cold were we live. We have absolutely no help so I have no one to take or collect my son from school. My daughter is currently also unwell with a chest infection so taking her out in tops and coat is not ideal in this weather. Fiancé is due to finish work at 7:30pm and I’ve asked if he can leave early to collect our son. We have no village, just us. He said no, work won’t allow him. Me and him are now currently not seeing eye to eye as I’m saying it’s a legal requirement to allow unpaid leave to look after a dependent. Alls he needs to do is collect him and bring him home then return back to work. He’s saying it’s pointless by the time he leaves work and gets back it won’t be long until he finishes. But we need it, I need the help. He says he’s also asked his manager and it’s down to his employer and their saying no so there’s nothing he can do. Just don’t know where to stand I feel everything is just so hard for me right now I’m struggling to split myself in two. It’s only today (mon &Tuesday) as he’s off the rest off the week and she will be in the clinic on weekend getting her cast changed..

I’ve called the school and asked if he can be added onto the taxi service which I’m happy to pay for but unfortunately he doesn’t meet the criteria.. I have no one else to ask and I don’t know what to do

I'm not sure I would ask my boss either if I had to say

'Please may I have 4 hours off work today because my spouse can't wrap our child in a blanket instead of trousers and it's raining outside'

Will the 18 month old be in a buggy? Blanket and raincover would work wouldn't they? (With a bin liner if needed to extend the raincover if leg is out straight)?

It's possible- though not ideal- that she could mix paid for lessons with practice in her H's car.

The real issue is why she hasn't learned before she had children.
It's something everyone needs to do when they reach 18 and get it out of the way.
My kids learned at that age paying for their lessons out of their weekend jobs while doing their A levels.

This wouldn't meet the criteria for emergency leave in anywhere I've worked. It's not an emergency and you've had time to put a solution in place eg someone to run your son home or pop your youngest in blanket. As a Pp said, needing to leave work because a child has had a break and is heading to hospital- absolutely would be allowed time off for that.

Some employers will be flexible especially if there's not too much impact - has your husband actually made a constructive suggestion to his boss? I have one colleague who works from home one particular day per week for the next 8 weeks so she can attend an appointment near home in the afternoon and log back on later to make up the time.

Yes
Hundreds of pounds.

Lessons are about £50, if you have one a week that’s £200 per month

I bought my first car at 19 when I was at uni

How arrogant, but not surprising, you remind me of someone I use to flat with who thought people who were illiterate were stupid and lazy for not learning to read.

Not everyone can learn to drive at 17 my parents certainly couldn’t afford to pay for lessons. Just like not everyone has parents who can afford to send them to uni or even think uni is in their grasp.

i was 29 before I learnt to drive and only because I lived in a country so spread out I had no option to learn, before that I used public transport, just like almost everyone I knew. I know many people who don’t drive for various reasons, cost usually the main one.

I also don’t work but that dose not mean we as a family can afford to run 2 cars, DH and I share a car, we sacrifice many things people like yourself take for granted so I can stay home.

And it’s fantastic that your children are privileged enough to have benefited from that.

I had to move out and pay rent at 18. I couldn’t afford to learn to drive until I was 29.

Get a taxi to reception and ask your son be walked to the door

No, exactly. My employer wouldn’t be impressed with that either!

Exactly.

Also, imagine if a woman posted a thread saying "DH is a SAHD - our oldest is in school but DD is home with him all day. He's just rung me to ask if I can leave work five hours early because it's raining and he doesn't want to take DD (with a broken leg) in a taxi to the school run".

Nobody would be saying that she should be leaving work - they'd all be saying he needs to get a taxi and deal with it himself.

Can you not put her in a sleeping bag / gro bag and then in to the buggy with the rain cover and a hot water bottle for her chest? Millions of mums will be getting ready to do the school run in the pouring rain and taking younger kids who are under the weather.

It’s not your DH’s employer’s problem that you can’t drive. What if tomorrow one of his colleague’s wives can’t get to the dentist because the car is kaput and the buses aren’t running due to floods, can he nip out for a few hours too?

Two things, when i was in similar circumstances i.e younger child sick, older one needing to be picked up and DH at work (although i drive!) but still can be tricky with a very sick child, the more these happened the more we realised we needed a 3rd pair of hands and went down the aupair route. This worked brilliantly for us. Is this something you can afford?
Secondly, can you put your child with the bad leg in a big baggy jumper?? oversized jogging bottoms should work too.

I’d be careful about ‘despising’ the workplace here op. This is not an emergency situation, so I’m not sure why you think a business would be obligated to release a member of staff for the situation you describe. My workplace would potentially allow a bit of leeway here for unpaid leave, but only if the business could spare the employee and maybe they can’t.

It’s not the rain, it’s the cast my daughter is in. It goes to her thigh. I can not dress her appropriately for this weather. Being in a pram with a rain cover is not my issue it’s her being cold when she’s already unwell.. things I missed out but my daughter has CHD. She was born with a rare heart condition and many other issues related. Any common cold or viral or even infections she handles very differently to other children. They flaw her, she can become extremely unwell and wind up in hospital extremely poorly. The fact my fiancé and his work place know this and the situation we are in right now and his work place not allowing him to leave for a short while to collect his child from school whilst his other child is sick at home.

I despise his work place not for this reason but for many others. My DD is ill. She was born with a rare heart condition, she attends lots of appointments with surgeons and consultants and his work place never give room for him as his father to be there to attend. They make things difficult for him at home giving our situation that they are full aware of.

it’s the cast my daughter is in. It goes to her thigh. I can not dress her appropriately for this weather

Why can’t she wear a loose jersey dress? That’s what I put mine in when she broke her leg at a similar age? It really isn’t that cold-just wrap her up in a blanket and put the rain cover on the buggy.

This is a major drip feed.

Why can’t a pair of the bigger kids loose pj pants go over her cast, plus a blanket, hot water bottle if necessary, rain cover? There’s no need for her to be ‘cold’ because her normal pants don’t fit.

Your husband’s workplace know about the ‘situation’ with your daughter but OP it is still not an emergency. Take a taxi, long term you need to get a car if your child has such serious medical issues.

Put a pair of your older child’s socks and joggers over her cast. And if you don’t want to walk then in this one instance maybe get an Uber either one way or both.

why does she needs to be dressed?
Surely she'd be wrapped up cosy a blanket in her buggy with a waterproof cover?

I don't understand why you can't wrap her up warmly. Baggy PJ bottoms or joggers, a dress, blankets, footmuff.... she doesn't have to be in just a t shirt and a coat.

Yes, it's a total PITA bu I don't think it's insurmountable

https://www2.hm.com/en_gb/productpage.1248317001.html

something like this in a size or two up. She can sit in a buggy wearing that.

Do they block him booking annual leave? Maybe not mentioning why he is booking it would mean they can't refuse it just because he is taking his child to the hospital. My eldest was complex when young and I always had to book annual leave for his appointments.

I really sympathise and it must be really tough, but none of that means you can't get a taxi and bundle your child up under a blanket while you collect your son from school.

It's only September, the weather is going to get colder and wetter. It sounds like you need to have a re-think about how you're going to manage the school runs etc. while your DH is working, because he can't be expected to leave work every time you're struggling.

In terms of appointments, I assume he's asking for annual leave or unpaid leave? Not just expecting to people to take the time off?

I can drive. I can not afford a car! I have came out of work to look after my daughter who was born with rare heart condition who is ill.. that’s not a luxury!!!! Absolutely far from it. Being a stay at home mum to a disabled and sick daughter is far from Luxury. It’s not a option

Shoot me but I wouldn’t ask my employer either.