I despise my fiancés place of work

[MrsH15001]

my fiancé has been at his place of work for around 9 years now. Long before he became a parent, since he’s now a father they have absolutely done their upmost to make life difficult for him.

Im a SAHM so it’s very rare probably only emergencies when he needs to be home, like now. Our DS is in full time school, DD 18 months old is currently in a cast with a fractured tibia/fibia I do not drive, it’s a 20 minute walk to my sons school but I do it daily. The issue is now I can not dress my child due to the fracture and the cast she has, she’s only able to wear tops right now. It’s absolutely bucketing it down with rain and freezing cold were we live. We have absolutely no help so I have no one to take or collect my son from school. My daughter is currently also unwell with a chest infection so taking her out in tops and coat is not ideal in this weather. Fiancé is due to finish work at 7:30pm and I’ve asked if he can leave early to collect our son. We have no village, just us. He said no, work won’t allow him. Me and him are now currently not seeing eye to eye as I’m saying it’s a legal requirement to allow unpaid leave to look after a dependent. Alls he needs to do is collect him and bring him home then return back to work. He’s saying it’s pointless by the time he leaves work and gets back it won’t be long until he finishes. But we need it, I need the help. He says he’s also asked his manager and it’s down to his employer and their saying no so there’s nothing he can do. Just don’t know where to stand I feel everything is just so hard for me right now I’m struggling to split myself in two. It’s only today (mon &Tuesday) as he’s off the rest off the week and she will be in the clinic on weekend getting her cast changed..

I’ve called the school and asked if he can be added onto the taxi service which I’m happy to pay for but unfortunately he doesn’t meet the criteria.. I have no one else to ask and I don’t know what to do

@redskydarknight I assumed he had a car because op needed him to use it to drop the older child at school as was using it for work. I knew she stated that she couldn’t afford one, I assumed she meant second for her to use with the children. I can well understand how they might struggle to afford any car at all- as I wrote about in my post. My whole post was actually to highlight how difficult it is for proper at the moment.

@HumptyDumptysWife The first line of my comment acknowledges that op can drive but doesn’t have a car. Maybe you should read ALL comments. My response was to your initial comment suggesting the very simply solution of learning to drive. I am pointing out the stupidity of comments like yours. Similar to your suggestion later in the thread where you suggest op simply makes more money as a solution to her current problem- very, very useful.

@HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend I did read the whole post, I acknowledged that op can drive in the first line of my comment. Not quite sure why that is relevant anyway as it’s not the point of my comment. Yes, I am concerned that a supposedly educated platform is spouting privileged nonsense such as ‘just make more money’, ‘just learn to drive’. Think a bit deeper.

I think you should write more carefully if you wish to convey a different message to the one other posters are inferring.

I think the problem is the title of the post. OP is expecting a company to align to her preferred solution for the problem and getting stubborn and frustrated because it is not working (either because the company refuses or the fiancé didn’t ask). I guess it is OK to vent but she is BU to focus on that when she doesn’t have a solution to her problem. She is wasting time.

Some comments are a little tone deaf (any of us getting driving license at 17-18 y/o is irrelevant, if the point to make was that she does need to drive at her age due to having dependents, which makes sense, although now we know she just doesn’t have a car) but in general people were trying to get her to do the best she could with what she had (fiancé not available).

OP, your daughter having a condition is relevant but it does not justify you focusing on blaming the company rather than finding a solution, for the problem today and, in general, with your fiancé. Insisting on it comes across as playing victim and manipulative to get people to agree with your venting.

Isn’t your fiancé tired of asking for time to be present in medical appointments and have them refused? Isn’t he tired of not having enough income for your household to afford a car when you have small kids? Some PPs have mentioned but what does he plan to do? What’s his view of not being able to support you on this one? Is he OK with it? You despising the place that sustains your household while your fiancé seems to be OK with it…well…is misdirecting the anger.

On this case, I would have used the energy to WhatsApp or ask a parent / neighbor, call the school to inform them and get today’s issue out of the way. And I would focus on the bigger issue of not having a network and your husband having a job that doesn’t allow him flexibility and doesn’t pay enough for you to be a resourceful SAHM.

You’ve presumably the pick up went okay OP?

@TENSsion

I write very carefully - but you've misconstrued comments in order to make a point and you started to make personal attacks. Maybe you're unhappy or have issues similar to the OP but you seem to enjoy being provocative and unpleasant in the way you post here.

Just to make it very clear for you, (because you're adding no real advice to this thread other than criticising me) is that my suggestions were about their long term financial situation and her partner's work.

I have not had digs at the OP about her lack of work.
I can only assume you're reading something that isn't there,
I have asked if her partner can do anything in the medium to long term to help them improve their finances.

I asked the OP if she would be able to find work at home. That's reasonable.
You might realise that the OP wasn't 'honest' about driving. She can drive but the issue is they can't afford a car. There are pages and pages of posts where posters didn't update themselves on that - but for some odd reason when I corrected them you interpreted that as me 'having a go' at the OP. Weird!

I see that your solution is to use a pram cover.

That's not going to sort out the real issue which is a lack of income and a lack of network.

I hope the OP has found some comments helpful.

I agree with all you've said @Solyaire .

Class WhatsApp and ask if anyone could help drop your eldest home. That is the whole point of those things! There’s a lot on your plate, hope your DD is feeling better soon poor little duck.

Would they say no though or is your OH just too afraid to ask?
On this occasion I would be keeping older child off school for the day, it won’t do him any harm, or asking DH to call in sick. It’s an impossible ask to expect you to take the toddler out in a cast and unwell.

Blankets? Rain cover? 🤷🏻‍♀️

There's going to be a lot more rainy school runs over the next few weeks and he won't be able to keep leaving work every time, so I would find another school run solution. Make sure you have some cosy blankets and a good rain cover for the pushchair. Maybe even try and find another Mum that can help as well. Do you have a school WhatsApp group you can ask in? xx

Uber or bolt. I use that when my husband is unavailable for school runs.

I was thinking this too. Wrap her legs up in something oversized. Blanket on top and rain cover if it's not enough. What a rubbish situation for you though!

For what is worth OP, and I’ve already answered your post, some posters on here are being incredibly unfair and judgemental and should be ashamed of themselves. There was nothing in your post that deserved that. You are allowed to vent and say you despise OH work. They aren’t obliged to let OH away early but on this occasion most employers would be flexible and understanding.
People are asking you questions that you’ve clearly answered could they be bothered to read your post and updates.
Your daughter is sick, injured and has a heart condition. You can’t work. You can’t afford a car. None of those things deserve judgement nor can you address those things in this moment anyway can you?
I hate mumsnet sometimes. Horrid people.

Ds been in plaster (arm bent, cast past elbow), you cobble together clothing. Will some kind of skirt or jumper dress work? She needs some clothes. You can't just stay at home. Try clothes that are too big e.g. Long top, roll the sleeves up. Cutting cheap/supermarket joggers sounds like am idea. Buy a bigger size. You don't need a lot its not for long. Ds had 2 jumpers that fit for 4 weeks.

Taxi if you really can't face the rain. Don't think your dh should have to leave work. Also need to learn to drive.

Apply for dla you may get mobility rate so then get help with costs towards a car doesn't help now but can if this arises again. Keep your son off school and tell them why they will soon come up with a solution

For understandable reasons you are dependent on you DH job so I wouldn't be antagonising them so it is case of finding another solution

• taxi (and ask school to bring him out to the taxi)
• ask a school parent to drop him home, I never minded helping mums I didn't know well

You need to learn to drive OP. And in the short term taxis are the only answer.

Learn to manage. Your husband is the earner.

Hi you are in a tough situation
a couple of ideas which may help
is there a local childminder who could pick your son up take him to school and drop him home after?
if not.. ideas to help your daughters buggy issues let her choose a blanket with her favourite character on just for when she.s in the buggy to keep her legs warm maybe let her leave the cast leg out if thats too hot
Or cut a leg off an old pair of her brothers joggers or trousers to slipover the cast to cover her other leg while in the buggy
then take an give her an ipad.. book ..favorite toy ..snack anything to distract her to put the rain cover over
i hope your daughter gets well soon

If you're a stay at home parent you really should learn how to drive

Me too.

I think other than the immediate issues, you have several others. How come you’ve not made mum friends at your son’s school? When I had my daughter last year even the woman who lives behind me offered to take my son to school with her kids, having only said good morning in the past! Especially as a sahm it’s important to make these relationships! And fgs learn to drive!

Sounds like someone needs to pass their driving test. People who don’t drive always think their personal emergencies (simply needing to get from A-B) require others to drop everything. Unless you have a medical reason for not being able to get a licence you need to woman up and pass your test for the sake of yourself, your kids and your poor taxi service husband.

however that’s not going to help you right now. Get a taxi to school and back from school. Simples. I agree with husband and his workplace that you never passing your driving test is not reason enough for everyone else to down tools for the afternoon.

OP I am so sorry about the situation with your daughter, it must be very hard and, when something unexpected like this comes along and changes your world I appreciate you’ve had to make tough choices around finances.

But given your situation as you describe it, I don’t think your husband taking unpaid leave is going to help as that’s clearly money your family desperately need, so unpaid time off is possibly best avoided and that may well be where you DH is coming from and thinking his salary is too important for the family to be taking unpaid leave.

Coughs and colds are viral infections, they are picked up from others germs.

In this situation, although it’s less than ideal, you are probably best bundling her up in whatever you can considering her sensory issues to keep her warm and walking to school to sort it yourself given your DH is also relying on public transportation and walking your other child back that will involve a good couple of hours out of work and make going back pointless. Also he clearly doesn’t want to risk his job given your current situation.

The reality of school means your other child is more likely to bring a virus home from school than your DD catch a cold walking up to collect them if she’s fully enclosed under a rain cover.

Your situation sounds tough and with a poorly child and partners inflexible work you really need to start making contingency plans. Are there no parents/neighbours you could ask? Other than that it wud really be a case of dress, jumper and warm jacket then blankets and rain cover or taxis.
Obviously we don't know your finances but I think I would be researching a cheap older car. Does your daughter qualify for dla and you carers allowance? Make sure you are getting everything you are entitled to to support your family through these tough times