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Original poster

How to approach wfh with a child

198 replies

C96x · 20/09/2023 20:52

Background- been at my job 6.5 years, senior role currently working hybrid after going on maternity in 2021 returning 2022 (3days home, 2 days office).

I received a call today from my manager regarding a complaint from a colleague to a director that I work from home 1 day with my child and how that shouldn’t be allowed and now my HR would like to speak to me. Instantly after this phonecall I got very upset, I have been working from home with my child 1 day a week for the last year after nursery fees increased, I’ve always openly spoken about it in meetings/ calls and discussions with HR when I have needed to have meetings.
I am having this meeting tomorrow and now I’m worried I might get penalised for this.
My work is always on top form nothing outstanding never had complaints from the accounts I look after/ deal with. Yes working from home with a child is a challenge but I get my work done and certainly if I don’t finish my work in my hours I work extra to get it done (nothing like working the next day with an increased workload).

Is there anything out there against working from home with a child? could they physically make me put my child into another day of nursery?

thoughts on this please ☺️

OP posts:
evianisyoung · 20/09/2023 20:57

It’s such a tough one! We had a member of my team looking after his daughter whilst working, but being sneaky about it but she was always on calls and in the background, it was getting noticed amongst another colleagues who have to pay for childcare so it didn’t seem fair that he could get away with being paid to work and look after his child at the same time. Could you reduce your days?

mynameiscalypso · 20/09/2023 21:00

Does your work have a policy on it? Most places I've worked have a policy where you have to have childcare in place if WFH. If they do, then I guess you could face disciplinary action.

letstrythatagain · 20/09/2023 21:01

The difficulty is that if they allow you to do it then they have to allow it for everyone else. I totally see it's difficult with increased nursery fees though. I manage a team and work within HR and tbh wouldn't be too happy with one of them having a nursery aged child there all day when wfh.

They can ask you not to do it.

rubyslippers · 20/09/2023 21:03

What’s your employer’s policy on this?
WFH to reduce childcare costs is good for you but not for your employer unfortunately or your colleagues if they don’t have the same privilege

Ultimateactionhero · 20/09/2023 21:03

I also work with someone who will regularly WFH in order to care for a child.
Theres no way that person is fully engaged in work and they are definitely distracted by the child. It shouldn’t be allowed, you really should be arranging childcare, the workplace isn’t an extension of a childcare facility and you are paid to be fully available to work.

HaddawayAndShite · 20/09/2023 21:03

How to approach wfh with a child
You approach it like it is work. Would you be allowed to bring your toddler to office? I’m guessing not. You can’t focus your attention on work when you have a small person to take care of. You also can’t focus on parenting when you’re trying to work so literally everyone is losing here.

My WFH job allows emergency or ore approved working while looking after children, but taking the piss like this would be a disciplinary.

mynameiscalypso · 20/09/2023 21:05

As someone who has always paid for childcare (even when it meant I was barely breaking even at the end of the month), I do get annoyed at people who think they're special and shouldn't pay what the rest of us all pay.

HaveANiceFuckingDay · 20/09/2023 21:05

HaddawayAndShite · 20/09/2023 21:03

How to approach wfh with a child
You approach it like it is work. Would you be allowed to bring your toddler to office? I’m guessing not. You can’t focus your attention on work when you have a small person to take care of. You also can’t focus on parenting when you’re trying to work so literally everyone is losing here.

My WFH job allows emergency or ore approved working while looking after children, but taking the piss like this would be a disciplinary.

This in spades !

YourNameGoesHere · 20/09/2023 21:06

You've worked for over a year with your child at home so I'm guessing your child is approximately 2-3 years old. I'm sorry but you cannot possibly be committed to doing your job whilst looking after a small child. Does your work have a policy on such things, I can't for a second believe they agreed to such a set up. Your colleague is correct that you're giving neither your job or your child the attention they require.

pythongreenporsche · 20/09/2023 21:07

How are you working as well on the day your child is there as other days? I mean, I have the off day when DD is unwell and me and DH split the day but at most we cross over for one hour. Whatever you're doing after hours, you're not working a full day with a baby, even if it's 12h day instead of 8h

swissrollisntswiss · 20/09/2023 21:07

I’m sorry but I really can’t get onboard with wfh with a child there. I don’t think it’s fair on anyone - employer, colleagues or the child. Imagine if everyone did it and it became the norm. You say you have a senior role, is it that you absolutely cannot afford the extra day or is it just you may have to sacrifice elsewhere? If it’s the latter than I really think you need to do that and suck it up for a couple of years.

Hardbackwriter · 20/09/2023 21:07

I get my work done and certainly if I don’t finish my work in my hours I work extra to get it done (nothing like working the next day with an increased workload).

If this is what you're doing anyway wouldn't you be better off working compressed hours? It would feel much more transparent and equitable. Sorry OP but I think your current situation isn't reasonable for anyone, including your child.

modgepodge · 20/09/2023 21:10

Having attempted this during Covid (not through choice) I’m always baffled when people do this when they don’t have to. My work suffered, my child suffered. It was horrendous. I find it extremely unlikely anyone could fully focus on their work with a toddler around. If I was your boss or colleague I would think you were unreasonable I’m afraid. Childcare is expensive and it sucks but this is not a solution in my mind.

SirChenjins · 20/09/2023 21:10

It depends on your company’s policy - we aren’t allowed to use wfh as a childcare option and rightly so, you can’t be 100% focused on the work if you’re looking after a small person. Wfh is simply working in the same way but at a different location.

Motheranddaughter · 20/09/2023 21:11

No way would that be acceptable in my business
Did you get approval for this arrangement
Is there a formal policy on WFH with children and are you compliant with it
I think it is very likely they will ask you to arrange childcare
The fact that you are up to date with your work etc ,,totally irrelevant ,that’s a given surely

HaveANiceFuckingDay · 20/09/2023 21:12

And is why since covid the WFH is detested by me and should have not become a thing .
The sheer amount of call centers I've encountered I can hear a dog or a child in the background is astonishing !
Even on here there are people that " put a wash on , can pick up the children from school , can walk the dog " and wonder why I lose my shit when I'm on hold for 20 minutes plus for no reason but the above
I hope you do get a disciplinary .
Can you take your child to the office?? I'm guessing not.

Gizlotsmum · 20/09/2023 21:13

Will depend on policy. Our policy is child has to be independent ( so at least 12) unless an emergency or ill. It was relaxed during covid but they have been firm in enforcing it since then

Soopermum1 · 20/09/2023 21:14

Do you have a lot of meetings/ phone calls? When it's all by email with no urgency then I can see how that might work, but when people have children to attend to on calls or insist on working calls around their personal schedule then work suffers. You may not notice it but others do. In my industry, following the pandemic, we're all encouraged to be more collaborative again, non scheduled calls, meeting, jumping on shared documents, working on them in real time, all difficult with a young child.

NerrSnerr · 20/09/2023 21:15

How old is your child? Are you working a standard 7.5 hour day? I have primary school age children and occasionally wfh with kids on snow days etc and it doesn't work. There's no way you can do 7.5 hours of work and a full day of parenting in one day without doing a rubbish job at both.

There'll also be so many more women juggling WFH with small kids then men.

NerrSnerr · 20/09/2023 21:17

Just seen your child was born in 2021- what are you doing with them all day? Looking after a 2 year old is a full time job. What do they do while you work?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/09/2023 21:17

I actually think wfh with a baby can be possible- with a toddler/ preschooler no way.
Also the odd hour is fine but not a full day. No company will say that’s ok, you might be able to adjust your hours ie. Start early, work late, compressed into other days- but you cannot work with a young child to look after.

CloudPop · 20/09/2023 21:18

mynameiscalypso · 20/09/2023 21:05

As someone who has always paid for childcare (even when it meant I was barely breaking even at the end of the month), I do get annoyed at people who think they're special and shouldn't pay what the rest of us all pay.

I feel exactly the same. I'm actually not going to say any more on the subject because it massively pisses me off.

ActDottie · 20/09/2023 21:18

You can’t wfh with a child, you’ll have to pay for child care like the rest of us

Sugarfree23 · 20/09/2023 21:19

modgepodge · 20/09/2023 21:10

Having attempted this during Covid (not through choice) I’m always baffled when people do this when they don’t have to. My work suffered, my child suffered. It was horrendous. I find it extremely unlikely anyone could fully focus on their work with a toddler around. If I was your boss or colleague I would think you were unreasonable I’m afraid. Childcare is expensive and it sucks but this is not a solution in my mind.

Agreed. Working with a child under school age is horrendous.

There is a reason why we moved on from the 1870s when it was acceptable to take kids to work.

WolfFoxHare · 20/09/2023 21:20

I’d be checking your employer’s policies about wfh before the meeting, if I were you. My employer states very clearly that you must have childcare in place, and I’d be in trouble if I were doing this once a week every week.

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