How to approach wfh with a child

[C96x]

Background- been at my job 6.5 years, senior role currently working hybrid after going on maternity in 2021 returning 2022 (3days home, 2 days office).

I received a call today from my manager regarding a complaint from a colleague to a director that I work from home 1 day with my child and how that shouldn’t be allowed and now my HR would like to speak to me. Instantly after this phonecall I got very upset, I have been working from home with my child 1 day a week for the last year after nursery fees increased, I’ve always openly spoken about it in meetings/ calls and discussions with HR when I have needed to have meetings.
I am having this meeting tomorrow and now I’m worried I might get penalised for this.
My work is always on top form nothing outstanding never had complaints from the accounts I look after/ deal with. Yes working from home with a child is a challenge but I get my work done and certainly if I don’t finish my work in my hours I work extra to get it done (nothing like working the next day with an increased workload).

Is there anything out there against working from home with a child? could they physically make me put my child into another day of nursery?

thoughts on this please ☺️

Did you clear it with your manager before you started this working pattern? If not then yes you could be forced to put you kid in nursery that day, or you could be facing disciplinary. If your manager did agree then pass that to hr. Wfh with a sick kid is different, it’s not an ongoing situation and is sometimes better to do some work than none at all, but not in a permanent arrangement.

But was your manager informed that would mean your child would be at home all day while you were supposed to be working? He or she may have assumed you would be finding alternative childcare such as another day with family. Also, ‘informing’ your manger wouldn’t wash with my employer- I’d need to ask for and get formal permission in writing. Unless you’re starting four hours early and finishing four hours late, I don’t see how you can possibly be working a full day and parenting well.

I work from home with a toddler but I start and finish early so I have all afternoon with him. Also my husband has him before he goes to work and the grandparents pop round to help out/take him to the park etc.

Yes, I think this is true. If it were working perfectly, why would anyone care (or indeed know)?

You cannot look after a toddler and work at the same time. Sorry.

@Cakecakecheese
So what does your working day look like in terms of how you work?

I worked from home full time when ds was a baby - he had 3x 3 hour naps a day (night sleep was and remains an issue) and I had no meetings, purely editorial work. We gradually increased his hours at nursery as his naps became less. Now he's started school, his little sister is in nursery 5 full days, so that I can do a full time role in compressed hours (I start at 6.30am) and give him the quality time he desperately needs from me after school. I'm available for the odd time-sensitive thing of course (and have done a day trip to europe today), but flexibility works both ways.

Ages 1-4 are impossible to work with a child at home, unless you have the most docile or self-entertaining child in the world maybe? My work is fine with ds being with me when off sick - but then he's generally a sack of potatoes all day with TV and sips of water. I work on a laptop next to him while he stares at the tv/vomits/sleeps. I'm upfront that I can't do this with dd1.5 as she's just too needy - I take leave.

I'd be pissed if someone on my wasn't pulling their weight due to childcare. Costs have gone up for us all, and that has to be managed with compressed/flexi/evening hours or paying for more childcare sadly. Some of us have absolutely no family support to fall back on either.

Op you clearly THINK your work isn't compromised

But no. This isn't on

Everyone will want to do it.... your work needs your FULL concentration

And poor kid must be dumped in front of a screen all day long

Is that 'parenting'?

What is your DH/DP/the child's father? If he can't wfh and share the load then why are you?

Sorry but no-one can do a professional job with a child at home. Just put them
In nursery for another day.

You’re kidding yourself OP. You probably need to start to prepare yourself for being told the arrangement needs to end and you need to pay for nursery or consider alternative childcare arrangements. Most people would have done that anyway when the fees went up, you’ve been lucky not to be challenged on it for a year.

Older children I’d have less of an issue with but nursery age wouldn’t work for me as a line manager other than in an emergency.

To be clear, I've been full time wfh since 2016 also, and ds was born early 2019. So I'm full pre-pandemic, and now in a new role of almost 1 year. Some people were wfh before covid, I didn't just start because I had a baby!

But is your manager still aware that this is happening or is it more that it's never really been brought up? Was it agreed in writing?

Sorry op. It's not really ok. Your manager shouldn't have let it go on for so long though. If you have been open about it your manager shouldn't have had a word when you started and insisted you make other arrangements. If the complaint starts to go south make this point.

What is your toddler doing while you are working?

As someone who has paid full time nursery fees for two children (overlapping for more than a year, and no free hours here either), and who had a two year old in March 2020 I'm trying very very hard not to type what I think about this.

Your colleagues must be very subpar if you genuinely believe you're doing the same standard of work as them whilst also looking after a toddler. Truthfully I think you're kidding yourself if you honestly believe your work and your child are not suffering from this ridiculous arrangement.

It was frowned upon but a blind eye was turned during covid

@greggstomelette what did they expect parents to do? did they offer furlough?

Tough shit on nursery fees. I think this is a piss take. Work it out like every other parent does.

There’s a huge difference between juggling sickness and expecting to wfh with a well child week in, week out.

I think your behaviour has been dreadful tbh and I can’t believe it’s taken this long for work to react.

To be fair to the op, if she's been open with her manager and it has been agreed by them, it's not her fault that you don't have the option of being flexible with your work. Surely the anger should be directed at the companies who don't support working parents rather than the parents who are trying their best?

I struggle to work from home with my dog let alone anything else.

Oof. On the one hand, I feel for you - I have a child born in the same year, and nursery fees are crazy right now, and I can see why you've had the temptation.

On the other, I can see why your employer is potentially annoyed, and I've never worked anywhere that didn't consider this misconduct.

I would expect that they'll rescind your managers' permission at the meeting; perhaps explain that they thought it was temporary while you found a cheaper arrangement, and end the arrangement.

It’s not allowed in my workplace, I have just refused a flexible working application from someone with no childcare. You have to be 100% working. Your child deserves better.

WFH = work.

You shouldn't be caring for a young child at the same time. Sorry but the cost of childcare is not an excuse

But feeling post COVID new moms think of childcare as an option.

In real life I don't know anyone who goes this. Looking after a young dd whilst trying to work is crazy for the majority