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Original poster

How to approach wfh with a child

198 replies

C96x · 20/09/2023 20:52

Background- been at my job 6.5 years, senior role currently working hybrid after going on maternity in 2021 returning 2022 (3days home, 2 days office).

I received a call today from my manager regarding a complaint from a colleague to a director that I work from home 1 day with my child and how that shouldn’t be allowed and now my HR would like to speak to me. Instantly after this phonecall I got very upset, I have been working from home with my child 1 day a week for the last year after nursery fees increased, I’ve always openly spoken about it in meetings/ calls and discussions with HR when I have needed to have meetings.
I am having this meeting tomorrow and now I’m worried I might get penalised for this.
My work is always on top form nothing outstanding never had complaints from the accounts I look after/ deal with. Yes working from home with a child is a challenge but I get my work done and certainly if I don’t finish my work in my hours I work extra to get it done (nothing like working the next day with an increased workload).

Is there anything out there against working from home with a child? could they physically make me put my child into another day of nursery?

thoughts on this please ☺️

OP posts:
Letsgetouttahere2023 · 20/09/2023 22:39

Gawd didn't appreciate this is a young kid

Poor kid

Sort anything out for your child's sake please OP. Unless you don't care how they turn out. Ignoring them for large swathes of the day will lead to attachment and emotional issues. If you're giving them screens then God help them.

See nursery as an investment in their wellbeing. You wouldn't ignore an animal all day

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/09/2023 22:40

I WFH and my baby goes to nursery because working and parenting at the same time would mean one wouldn't be getting my full attention. I also wouldn't rock up to my work place with my baby so the same applies when I'm WFH.

My work place has a policy that children under 12 need childcare.

bodypumper · 20/09/2023 22:40

I wfh most of time but I have teenagers who are independent make their own lunch amuse themselves I work in a separate room. Doesn't affect my work
However any younger and I'd say not acceptable

Baabaapurplesheep · 20/09/2023 22:43

So you’re senior but can’t afford the nursery fees? I find it very annoying when people do this, what do you think the rest of us are doing? Paying the nursery fees and scrimping and cutting back!

hideundermyduvet2023 · 20/09/2023 22:56

It's not on, imo.

Unfair on others who are forking out fees.
Unfair on work- annoying for colleagues on calls even if minimal
Unfair on your kid who must be v small if in nursery

I wouldn't go in defensive at all as it's probably going to back fire.

Winter2020 · 20/09/2023 23:05

Hi OP,
Have you checked if you might be eligible for any help towards childcare (or anything else) e.g. on entitledto.co.uk

Invisimamma · 20/09/2023 23:05

C96x · 20/09/2023 20:52

Background- been at my job 6.5 years, senior role currently working hybrid after going on maternity in 2021 returning 2022 (3days home, 2 days office).

I received a call today from my manager regarding a complaint from a colleague to a director that I work from home 1 day with my child and how that shouldn’t be allowed and now my HR would like to speak to me. Instantly after this phonecall I got very upset, I have been working from home with my child 1 day a week for the last year after nursery fees increased, I’ve always openly spoken about it in meetings/ calls and discussions with HR when I have needed to have meetings.
I am having this meeting tomorrow and now I’m worried I might get penalised for this.
My work is always on top form nothing outstanding never had complaints from the accounts I look after/ deal with. Yes working from home with a child is a challenge but I get my work done and certainly if I don’t finish my work in my hours I work extra to get it done (nothing like working the next day with an increased workload).

Is there anything out there against working from home with a child? could they physically make me put my child into another day of nursery?

thoughts on this please ☺️

If you're in a senior role how come you can't you afford childcare? How do you think people in junior roles afford it?

Mariposista · 20/09/2023 23:10

HaddawayAndShite · 20/09/2023 21:03

How to approach wfh with a child
You approach it like it is work. Would you be allowed to bring your toddler to office? I’m guessing not. You can’t focus your attention on work when you have a small person to take care of. You also can’t focus on parenting when you’re trying to work so literally everyone is losing here.

My WFH job allows emergency or ore approved working while looking after children, but taking the piss like this would be a disciplinary.

Exactly this. Same at my work. If your kid is sick one day and can’t go to school they let it go, but if you are deliberately avoiding using childcare, WFH is rescinded . You’d get 5 days to sort childcare out (proof required) and a formal warning.
Check if your work has a policy about this though. Ours does and it’s very clear, no getting round it.

Canisaysomething · 20/09/2023 23:12

Absolutely bonkers OP. Either you aren’t parenting right or you aren’t working right as both of those things should require your full attention.

whoamI00 · 20/09/2023 23:13

I understand your position and I think it's ppssible that one day WFH and childcare didn't affect the quality of your work because some work can be quite flexible. However what I don't understand is you send your child to nursery only 2 full days and you can't afford it when you're in senior position... really?

Mammajay · 20/09/2023 23:17

I was surprised to meet a council worker who was pa to a top council official. She told me she had to work from home full time and it was allowed by her boss as she could do her job just as well WFH. Her reason for WFH was that she bought a dog during lockdown couldn't leave her alone. Tbh I was surprised that she told me so openly. I think all jobs need some working in the workplace.

Tryingmybestadhd · 20/09/2023 23:30

Can you maybe work a day less since it’s not feasible to pay childcare ? In my team several wfh with children , we never revoked that after covid and I have no intentions of doing it . If someone complained to HR for finding it unfair then , in all honesty I would be super disappointed with them since I’m flexible with everyone regarding their needs ( not only child related ) and wfh option is open to all the team .
I truly hope you find a way

Tryingmybestadhd · 20/09/2023 23:34

Mammajay · 20/09/2023 23:17

I was surprised to meet a council worker who was pa to a top council official. She told me she had to work from home full time and it was allowed by her boss as she could do her job just as well WFH. Her reason for WFH was that she bought a dog during lockdown couldn't leave her alone. Tbh I was surprised that she told me so openly. I think all jobs need some working in the workplace.

Someone in my team wfh for that reason . I have to say her dogs are actually more annoying during calls than any of the other members children ever where , but her work is brilliant and that’s all I can ask of anyone . As long as their can keep up with work , I don’t care if they work with their baby , their dog or anyone else .

Blinky21 · 20/09/2023 23:42

My work is extremely flexible but we don't let people do this, as much for safeguarding concerns about kids being unsupervised as anything else

UsingChangeofName · 21/09/2023 00:04

HaddawayAndShite · 20/09/2023 21:03

How to approach wfh with a child
You approach it like it is work. Would you be allowed to bring your toddler to office? I’m guessing not. You can’t focus your attention on work when you have a small person to take care of. You also can’t focus on parenting when you’re trying to work so literally everyone is losing here.

My WFH job allows emergency or ore approved working while looking after children, but taking the piss like this would be a disciplinary.

All of this.

You can't be focused on your work if you have a baby / toddler / small child there.
You can't be focused on your child if you are concentrating on your work.

You are taking the mick to even try it.
One day if they are sick is different from trying to pretend you are working, when you are clearly looking after your child.

I hope they throw the book at you, as people doing this is what makes employers hesitant to let people who would genuinely work, be allowed to wfh.

TeenLifeMum · 21/09/2023 00:10

If your manager agreed then they’ve agreed but it’s bonkers. You cannot interact appropriately with a young dc while effectively working. In emergencies when ill then fine but regularly? Nope. I wfh some days and my dc are there from 3.30pm but they are 12 and 15 and bring me tea while I work in the study shut away.

ManuelBensonsLeftBoot · 21/09/2023 00:12

Well if her work isn't impacted even slightly then her parenting must be. Either she is working or she is interacting with her child but unless her work is to produce finger paintings and read story books she isn't doing both. Either the toddler is stuck in one room being quiet or the toddler is unsupervised for spells or the child is taking her focus and attention from her work.

TeenLifeMum · 21/09/2023 00:13

I’ll add it causes bad feeling in the team and means those wfh properly end up penalised because others take the piss.

Raindancer101 · 21/09/2023 00:26

This was requested by one of my team returning from maternity leave recently - 1 day a week wfh with child to reduce nursery fees - and it was promptly declined. We're not unreasonable; emergency/sickness wfh with children is usually approved but wfh with a one year old? No. You can't do both your job and parenting well. I say this as someone who has tried and tested this with a 1.5yo during the pandemic.

GU24Mum · 21/09/2023 07:03

If you've now got a meeting with your employer and they want to do something about it - presumably they'll either ask you to come in to the office more or will suggest that you cut down your paid hours. If you're essentially telling them that you can do all your work on what must be less than the number of hours they pay you for, they may decide they are paying for more hours than the business needs.

minipeony · 21/09/2023 07:09

C96x · 20/09/2023 21:43

My manager was informed when I had to cut the day due to rise in nursery fees. One year on here we are!

Show quote history

So your manager agreed it?

That's key here.

It might be they can no longer facilitate it and will give notice.

Yes fees are a lot but it's what needs doing. Many people have to pay 5 days a week fees to work. Consider requesting flexible hours and work 4 longer days a week?

I wfh when my child is ill. It's a nightmare and I feel I am letting my work and child down when I do this.

minipeony · 21/09/2023 07:10

ManuelBensonsLeftBoot · 21/09/2023 00:12

Well if her work isn't impacted even slightly then her parenting must be. Either she is working or she is interacting with her child but unless her work is to produce finger paintings and read story books she isn't doing both. Either the toddler is stuck in one room being quiet or the toddler is unsupervised for spells or the child is taking her focus and attention from her work.

I agree. Someone isn't getting her full attention either her work or her child

minipeony · 21/09/2023 07:11

whoamI00 · 20/09/2023 23:13

I understand your position and I think it's ppssible that one day WFH and childcare didn't affect the quality of your work because some work can be quite flexible. However what I don't understand is you send your child to nursery only 2 full days and you can't afford it when you're in senior position... really?

Yes I wondered about that too. And then saying the funded hours wouldn't make much difference!

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 21/09/2023 07:14

This is what gives WFH a bad name - taking the piss like this. Imagine swanning into the office (or the classroom, or your consulting room as a GP, or the operating room as a surgeon, or the burning building as a fire fighter) with your toddler in tow and expecting everyone to believe that you’re still going to be 100% focused on your job.

Act like a professional and get childcare!

Ollifer · 21/09/2023 07:14

I am allowed to work flexibly around my six year old as I can't afford childcare outside of school as a single parent and no family. My boss has been amazing, and I am totally transparent about my situation. I work early in the morning for a couple of hours, 5 hours when he's at school and then in the evening if needed once she's in bed. I also catch up at weekends if I haven't been able to finish or complete my hours. My work is always on target and done to a high standard. I've smashed every project I've delivered and take great pride in my work. I'd love to be able to afford childcare as it's very tiring juggling it all and working out of hours but it is what it is. I'm just so lucky I have an understanding boss who can see I can do the work and care for my child.