How to approach wfh with a child

[C96x]

Background- been at my job 6.5 years, senior role currently working hybrid after going on maternity in 2021 returning 2022 (3days home, 2 days office).

I received a call today from my manager regarding a complaint from a colleague to a director that I work from home 1 day with my child and how that shouldn’t be allowed and now my HR would like to speak to me. Instantly after this phonecall I got very upset, I have been working from home with my child 1 day a week for the last year after nursery fees increased, I’ve always openly spoken about it in meetings/ calls and discussions with HR when I have needed to have meetings.
I am having this meeting tomorrow and now I’m worried I might get penalised for this.
My work is always on top form nothing outstanding never had complaints from the accounts I look after/ deal with. Yes working from home with a child is a challenge but I get my work done and certainly if I don’t finish my work in my hours I work extra to get it done (nothing like working the next day with an increased workload).

Is there anything out there against working from home with a child? could they physically make me put my child into another day of nursery?

thoughts on this please ☺️

I suspect the manager assumed it was temporary while cheaper childcare was arranged especially if it’s not come up since and they weren’t aware the child was in the home.

My workplace is fully flexible and doesn't care when I work. I finish early one day a week to do school pickup, and then work late a different evening, no one knows and no one would care if they did. They could not be more supportive of working parents.

They do expect me to work though, which isn't possible with a 2yo (again, been there, tried that).

Agree the manager must take some of the blame for allowing this to continue.

I get up when baby gets up. He plays with his toys and I join him while doing menial bits then daddy takes over and I can get on with proper work. Daddy goes to work and baby goes down for a nap. A grandparent comes round and will get baby up when he wakes up and look after him until I finish. I have breaks to cuddle him play with him etc but before I had a baby I'd be taking regular breaks anyway because screen breaks are important.

I believe that you treat working from home as you would being in the office e.g. you have childcare arrangements in place.

Fine to have a child at home that's under the weather or when childcare has fallen through as long as employers don't mind. But wfh should not be used for childcare.

It's not like we're talking a 7+ year old that can entertain themselves and understand you need to work. I fail to see how anyone can work effectively with a toddler to look after.

My work would not be happy with this and as a colleague I'd be pissed off too. There was a time when we were paying more than our mortgage in nursery fees. We had to suck it up.

That's lovely but I'm not sure how it's relevant to the thread?

I have a 2 year old and I honestly don’t understand why you think this is acceptable.

Toddlers need occupying and to be cared for. I honestly don’t understand how you are working efficiently and paying full attention to your toddler. None of my friends who are parents work like this, either reduce our hours or put our kids in childcare.

Dealing with work and your child being ill is also not the same thing as working every week with a well child.

Um, this…

What is your child doing for the seven or eight hours you are working?

Exactly. How would you feel if a nurse or teacher took their two year old to work with them? Absolute nonsense. Not surprised someone's complained.

Well surely this is where you come unstuck or not.

If you and your manager came to an agreement that you could forever more work from home whilst your child was there alone, do you have it on writing or would they put it in writing or would they confirm it verbally to HR? In which. ASE you've done nothing wrong. However they could force a change of policy whereby you need to address your childcare or work issues. Could DH drop a day?

If, how it reads, you TOLD your manager that you would be doing this, phrased as a temporary thing, and she's felt awkward ever since whilst colleagues have to pay for full time childcare then it's going to be much more like you've taken the piss. Even if they can't do anything, it's going to undermine your reputation.

For the meeting I'd go with "it was agreed under extraordinary circumstances and my work remains on schedule and up to standard"

Ultimately it depends on a) whether you are going against company policy & b) whether the organisation thinks your output os at the required level.
I suspect company won't want to set a dangerous precedent by letting your situation continue without a formal flexible working request in place, especially as you are in a senior role.

FWIW - doubt you are doing either job mum/paid employment properly. 2 year old need attention at least every 15-20 minutes & constant supervision so unless you have a very sleepy toddler I don't see even extending hours that you are working full-time.

I do it for the odd day in the holidays now but mine are 8 & 12!

I find the idea that you think that this is manageable and acceptable bizarre. If you rolled back the clock 5 or 10 years and one of your colleagues had brought their child to work once a week, how would you have felt? Or if another colleague has a cleaner, can no longer afford to pay the cleaner and so does the cleaning whilst "working" from home? Or perhaps you could earn yourself some extra money and, on the days your DC is in nursery but you're wfh, you could look after another child & charge for it. No doubt you'll think my examples are ridiculous but it's no more ridiculous than what you're doing.

This attitude is SO insulting to a) SAHMs and b) paid childcare professionals.

Your manager presumed you meant you'd be WFH to enable easier access or commute for a childcare arrangement (eg a nanny or family member), not "I'm going to do a full time job alongside my job".

This isn't good for your child or your job.

If your manager said it was OK, I don't see how you can get in trouble/ disciplinary.

But how you are doing it IDK! I WFH and thankfully have a very flexible manager. When DS was was sent home from nursery recently for 48hours with a bug I was allowed to 'balance things' she was really understanding and I worked late/ when he slept. I was grateful for the flexibility, in a traditional office I would have had to take annual leave/ unpaid leave or my employer might have 'left me off'. No way could I do that every week.

This

But I think your manager was just as silly for knowing you are working with a child at home

OP no one believes that you can possibly be working as effectively with a 2yo around, and most of us are talking from experience. I went through lockdowns with dc much older than yours and it was impossible to work as effectively with them around, even when they were occupied with online learning. Now, on the days I'm wfh, when they come in from school they are old enough to look after themselves, and yet I'm still somewhat distracted and so work earlier and later to make up for it.

People seem to have forgotten that until 3 years ago almost everyone worked away from home 5 days a week. That was the norm. It's great that many of us now have more flexibility through hybrid but working with children around is not OK.

For the people asking how it would be possible, my view is that as the child won’t be getting the parents full attention, they get used to that. So they will then start to be less demanding.

Unless your child is in full time education and over the age of 9/10 ie able to sit down and concentrate on bookwork / painting / reading for 40mins + without your input there is zero chance you are doing your job anywhere near properly

Yabu

Of course you need childcare. The benefit of WFH is you need less of it because you don't need to handle the commute. You can't care for a nursery age child and work effectively.

I'm no expert but I would imagine you're correct in your assessment. It's well known children who are neglected stop making a fuss because they know no one is coming. In this instance for the Op to be so confident it's all working fine a year down the line I would agree their child is used to being routinely ignored and gave up trying to get their parents attention a while ago.

If you're in a senior role then I don't see how paying for another day with the help from tfc isn't doable. Granted, it's not fun paying the bill each month but it's doable, and an expected cost of parenting.

With any luck it'll be a simple "you need to make other arrangements" and you can either make those arrangements or change your hours/husbands hours/compressed hours - whatever it needs to make it work before the free hours kick in.

"I received a call today from my manager regarding a complaint from a colleague to a director that I work from home 1 day with my child and how that shouldn’t be allowed"
Demand to know who this colleague is? Demand they put their name to their accusation. Remember, it's not that there is a child present, but that this colleague and the company, as the manager called you, are stating that it has affected you performance. Ask them to show you where in your contract this is prohibited, and then where in employment law is it prohibited.
Don't be a doormat. Get legal advice even if you don't do anything, know where you stand.

You can’t do it at all at my firm and yes; people can always tell.

Just pay for childcare like everyone else. I’d get it lined up asap. You’d be put on leave until you did at my company.

Agree. The OP is teaching her child that nursery is interactive, days with grandparents are interactive but days with mummy are stfu and sit in a corner.

Your examples are strawmen. They do not pertain to the situation. If there is no drop in measurable performance, then there is no problem. It's up to the company to show this. I find it bizarre how easily people can be pushed around when they have all the cards.