How to approach wfh with a child

[C96x]

Background- been at my job 6.5 years, senior role currently working hybrid after going on maternity in 2021 returning 2022 (3days home, 2 days office).

I received a call today from my manager regarding a complaint from a colleague to a director that I work from home 1 day with my child and how that shouldn’t be allowed and now my HR would like to speak to me. Instantly after this phonecall I got very upset, I have been working from home with my child 1 day a week for the last year after nursery fees increased, I’ve always openly spoken about it in meetings/ calls and discussions with HR when I have needed to have meetings.
I am having this meeting tomorrow and now I’m worried I might get penalised for this.
My work is always on top form nothing outstanding never had complaints from the accounts I look after/ deal with. Yes working from home with a child is a challenge but I get my work done and certainly if I don’t finish my work in my hours I work extra to get it done (nothing like working the next day with an increased workload).

Is there anything out there against working from home with a child? could they physically make me put my child into another day of nursery?

thoughts on this please ☺️

I'm not sure about the OP but some have no choice. My business tanked so much I physically can't afford childcare. My kid comes with me all day every day for the next 8 months but it's my business so opinions are irrelevant 😂

You were very foolish to tell them your child was with you that one day imo. In my day you didn't even aknowledge you had a child and they still tried to claim that every cry heard on a conf call was mine even when they were at nursery.

Juts say you've put your child in nursery for the third day. Put them in for a month and then go back to how you were if it was working for you and your child and don't tell anyone.

Juts say you've put your child in nursery for the third day. Put them in for a month and then go back to how you were if it was working for you and your child and don't tell anyone.

Yeah just lie to your boss 🙄 it's not like anything bad will happen... what spectacularly stupid advice.

And it will be just as obvious as the people who say they were ‘on another call’ or ‘just dealing with something’ when they don’t answer their phones around 3pm as they’re doing the school run

You think they don't lie to you? 😭🤣

What a daft argument. If you want the OP to lose her job then sure get her to follow your advice but knowing her boss lies isn't going to be much comfort or help her pay the bills when she's fired.

Get her to? You lot are hilarious. I don't know the OP, it's entirely up to her, I don't care what she does. I'm telling her what I would do in her situation and what women were doing for most of the 2000s when working from home first became a thing (in IT). Why would you advertise you were doing something so clearly wrong as being in sole charge of a child during contracted work hours? Bonkers.

The other thing I've seen people do OP is have, or claim to have, an au pair or nanny or grandparent in the house on that day who's looking after the child. So then any noises can be explained away. It's also less obvious, as others have said, to have a child at home rather than the legions of people who go radio silent for an hour 3-4 when they do the school run. Again, be smart, send an email while you're waiting or walking up the road etc.

Whether or not she can actually work effectively on that day, or work into the night to catch up, is entirely between OP and her conscience. I personally would prefer that nobody admits to having a child in the house, alone, while they're WFH as it gives women who WFH a bad rep and gives the (predominantly male) managers yet another stick to beat working mothers with. Of course, when they disappear on a Friday to the golf course on Friday, that's fine. Or when they leave at 3 to do the school run, they're a hero.

Work smart, working women.

Why do very few men also work 'smart' and wfh with children @AIstolemylunch? It's because it's hard and would be detrimental to their career. Many women put up with it as they want it all, but what it actually means is they're doing lots of things but not very well.

If you can genuinely care for a 2 year old and give them the attention they need and not ignore them AND do a full day's work I would suggest that it's an unusually easy job.

I kinda get your point and agree with some of it. But if you aren't open and honest surely you'll be constantly on edge, what if someone schedules a meeting for a time that you're on the school run? Or tries to call you when you're in the middle of dealing with a tantrum or feeding the child? Too many opportunities to be caught out and I'd rather be upfront and not have that anxiety.

It also annoys me that although I have to have my child with me some of the time I still put more hours and effort in and deliver more than some colleagues who have no children but sit online from 9-5 pretending to do work. Pisses me off

When dd was small, her Creche fees were more than my monthly salary for the first 18 months.

But my career was important to me and DH agreed, so the fees were part of household bills and we simply lived in less, bought almost no new clothes for a while, didn't go out etc.

As she got older, fees reduced slightly and, once we got through the financial crash, my salary rose a little.

But I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't made that investment in my career and that included paying for childcare.

There were plenty of evenings where things happened (due to the nature of my role) where I would have to collect dd from Creche and bring her to the office for an hour or 2 while I finished off urgent items. But while those emergency times were ignored, there was no way I would have been allowed to have her with me (at home or in the office) on a regular basis.

And even when she was sick, DH and I would juggle diaries to each do a long morning or afternoon and swop childcare at lunch, both catching up in the evening once she settled, and me usually taking a day's leave to cover my absences from the office over a week even though the deadlines were met etc (particularly nit-picking boss at the time about appearing in the office rather than output, but dd went through a period of illnesses needing 3-5 days out of Creche).

Why would you advertise you were doing something so clearly wrong as being in sole charge of a child during contracted work hours? Bonkers.

So you acknowledge that it's 'clearly wrong' -but rather than say don't do it either find childcare or change you hours your advice is carry on doing the wrong thing but compound the wrongness by lying about it.

Because they don't have to.

And I agree, it's insane to try and WFH with a 2 year old and I would never and have never even attempted it, except very occasionally when an older child was sick. Mine all went to nursery 4 days a week when they were little and I didn't take payment for the 4th day. As I said, I don't condone what the OP is doing, I just think if she was going to do it, she should have kept it quiet. I also don't think she has said what her job is? Maybe it is something that she can do while her child is asleep or whatever. Some jobs are ridiculously easy.

I've WFH exclusively for 10 plus years and WFH one day a week when they were little. I put them in nursery on that day. I absolutely hate it when theyre in the house now in school holidays as teens, but then I work well into the evening most days as well.

It does make me laugh though that since covid it's now perfectly acceptable for the blokes to have a toddler on their knee on a zoom call.

My point was that if she was going to do something so crazy and ethically questionable as regularly be in sole charge of a toddler on a WFH day, she shouldn't have advertised that fact. And I think with cost of living etc people are forced to take more and more crazy decisions like this maybe and who are we to judge.

I'd be checking the policy like PPs have said. Do you have the conversation in writing like email when you said you'd be working 1 day at home with a child? For this very reason any changes are important to have evidence of as otherwise its he said she said. I suspect the worst that will happen is you'll be advised it's against policy and that childcare needs arranging. How you manage that moving forward is unfortunately your responsibility. It's not your employers responsibility to be sympathetic towards the cost of nursery fees. If they make allowances for you they would also have to make the same consideration for staff in general so I'd expect them to ask your current arrangement to be changed. Your productivity will not be a factor in this. I would also suggest that if you're logging on earlier than others and sometimes working after hours to ensure you can complete everything and manage looking after your child then does impact on your work.

Where is the baby's father here?

You have nursery x 2 days, GPs X 2 days and you have done one year of the fifth day; why doesn't your DH drop his hours/work from home with the DC/take the DC into work/compress his working days?

It feels like it's his time to step up.

Where's the dad in all this? Childcare is a shared cost and responsibility after all

Well said. Or drop to a 4 day week until he starts school.

We aren't allowed to do this at all. If a child is unwell then people have to take a day off. It is because we have had people not working their hours or children screaming in the back of meetings. It was considered easier to just ban it across the board.

Having spoken to my manager a year back, I would not accept a warning of disciplinary over this.

However, I would accept a request to make other arrangements going forward - because (young) childcare and focussing on work do not go hand in hand. I've never worked anywhere that accept this.

It's in our contract not to do this so in my work yes they could force you not to.

As an aside it's really not fair on either your child or your team. You're bound to be half assing one of those things!!

We had to sign an annual disclaimer saying not in charge of any child under 12 during the working day. To sign and then be caring for a child would be gross misconduct and instant dismissal.

The 8.30- 9 and 3-4 radio silence really pisses me off an adds considerably to my workload and wastes my time (I am a contractor). I no longer contract with some organisations as a result (although many are now reviewing their policies as productivity has dived)

I find it hard to believe your performance hasn’t been affected at all and it’s fine because you “get all your work done.”

You must get distracted by the child, you must get interrupted in the middle of a work thing sometimes. You must have to catch up later and rush a few things through because something is late. You must have forgotten something once or twice because you got engrossed in a toddler problem and never got back to the email you meant to send to the colleague or etc.

If you’re working so well now imagine how much better you’d be without the distraction of looking after a demanding child.

I think one day a week you can make it work wfh with a child, wouldn't want to do anymore than that though.

You have 2 options - cut your working week down from 5 to 4 days a week or put your child in nursery 3 days a week (with grandparents caring for your dd 2 days a week). There's no way you can look after a 2-3 year old AND work full time. A child that young will be constantly demanding attention from you, meaning that you neglect your work. Not fair on your colleagues.

I got really annoyed when colleagues were wfh with DCs.

They'd not be available for meetings/calls during school run times etc.

It caused me more stress/hassle.

Depends on the job though I suppose?

You must have an easy job if you can do it with a toddler.

No way mine would give me peace to be at a screen!

Is your dc on a screen themselves all day?

I don't see how you could multi task and do both jobs well.