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Original poster

How to approach wfh with a child

198 replies

C96x · 20/09/2023 20:52

Background- been at my job 6.5 years, senior role currently working hybrid after going on maternity in 2021 returning 2022 (3days home, 2 days office).

I received a call today from my manager regarding a complaint from a colleague to a director that I work from home 1 day with my child and how that shouldn’t be allowed and now my HR would like to speak to me. Instantly after this phonecall I got very upset, I have been working from home with my child 1 day a week for the last year after nursery fees increased, I’ve always openly spoken about it in meetings/ calls and discussions with HR when I have needed to have meetings.
I am having this meeting tomorrow and now I’m worried I might get penalised for this.
My work is always on top form nothing outstanding never had complaints from the accounts I look after/ deal with. Yes working from home with a child is a challenge but I get my work done and certainly if I don’t finish my work in my hours I work extra to get it done (nothing like working the next day with an increased workload).

Is there anything out there against working from home with a child? could they physically make me put my child into another day of nursery?

thoughts on this please ☺️

OP posts:
Mojodojocasahaus · 20/09/2023 21:20

It’s neglectful op - either to your work/colleagues or your child. I’d be surprised if it isn’t against the terms in your contract.

A child died in lockdown in a hot tub while their parent was trying to work - it’s a terrible idea

Butterkist8 · 20/09/2023 21:21

What would you have done pre pandemic?
You cant properly work while looking after a young child.

I'm minded to think that scores of people have been looking after kids while wfh.

And yes, I clearly recall the day I phoned our insurers and was met with a distracted assistant whose child popped up saying that they were hungry. Assistant asked me to 'hang on' while she sorted her child out.
I didn't . I had to go back to work.

theduchessofspork · 20/09/2023 21:22

Most companies wouldn’t allow it.

But you’ve been open about it so you have nothing to hide. If you feel you’re doing the work fine, then you make your case and they’ll decide.

I suspect you won’t win - because honestly it will be impacting on your work, but then you will just have to get childcare like everyone else.

greggstomelette · 20/09/2023 21:23

It's absolutely disallowed in my company. It was frowned upon but a blind eye was turned during covid.

But now new policy has come in to say that it's not permitted at all. I find it so hard to believe that your work isn't suffering at all, having worked with several people during covid who did it.

Hardbackwriter · 20/09/2023 21:24

modgepodge · 20/09/2023 21:10

Having attempted this during Covid (not through choice) I’m always baffled when people do this when they don’t have to. My work suffered, my child suffered. It was horrendous. I find it extremely unlikely anyone could fully focus on their work with a toddler around. If I was your boss or colleague I would think you were unreasonable I’m afraid. Childcare is expensive and it sucks but this is not a solution in my mind.

Same. I still feel so guilty when I think about how much TV DS1 had to watch while we worked during lockdown. I would never, ever choose to do it again voluntarily.

zurala · 20/09/2023 21:24

You can't WFH while looking after a young child, it just doesn't work.

I work two days a week over five days, totally flexible, and home educate my 9 year old. He plays on his computer when I have meetings. But I also have his older sister here and DH works from home full time so there are other eyes and he doesn't need a lot of input for an hour while I'm on a call. There's no way I could do it even properly part time and definitely not with a toddler!

You need proper childcare OP. I would go into the meeting apologising and saying you'll sort another day at nursery.

ItstimeToMoveagain · 20/09/2023 21:25

Ours don't seem to mind, mine are older and they are happy for us to do school runs and have dc around in the holidays, I'm not sure what people with younger dc do though

Clymene · 20/09/2023 21:30

No, you can't work and look after a toddler.

And if you're senior you just have to suck up the cost. That's what everyone did pre Covid. It was shit but I'm guessing your kid is eligible for free childcare so.

VanillaFlotilla · 20/09/2023 21:31

I'm not an employment lawyer, but in your case OP, if your employer was aware that you were doing this for the last year and didn't raise it as an issue, I'd argue that they permitted it (implicitly, if not explicitly) and to the extent your company policy forbids it, I'd argue that their failure to enforce the policy over the last year amounts to a waiver. So, they shouldn't be able to suddenly turn around and punish you for it. BUT they can ask you to stop doing it especially if there's a policy on it.

I do have my DC at home on occasion when I'm WFH (eg on the odd day during school holidays or on an inset day) but I keep it to myself.

Original poster
C96x · 20/09/2023 21:32

unfortunately no we don’t qualify for free childcare, we currently have 2 full days at nursery, 1 day with me and 2 days with grandparent whilst I go to the office.

to add to some of the comments about child sickness- whenever my child is unwell my manager has always been fine with me working too, they would rather me work than having to cover me.

OP posts:
Invisimamma · 20/09/2023 21:33

My work does not allow it, you can't be working and in sole charge of a child under 12.
It's not fair on your work or your child, there's no way you can be giving 100% to both at the same time.

For a once off for a sick child or school strikes it might be over looked but a regular weekly arrangement wouldn't be okay, you'd be expected to have childcare in place. It's written into our policies and contracts.

I pay for after school care for my 9yr old for this reason. It's not fair on your colleagues who do pay for childcare and your work can insist you don't work for them at the same time as looking after your child.

Invisimamma · 20/09/2023 21:35

C96x · 20/09/2023 21:32

unfortunately no we don’t qualify for free childcare, we currently have 2 full days at nursery, 1 day with me and 2 days with grandparent whilst I go to the office.

to add to some of the comments about child sickness- whenever my child is unwell my manager has always been fine with me working too, they would rather me work than having to cover me.

Edited

You should get the 20% tax free childcare discount though. Unless you're mega higher earners and if you are then just pay for the childcare or reduce your hours.

MelroseGrainger · 20/09/2023 21:36

I work from home and I am as lax and flexible as it’s possible to be about such things…but I absolutely cannot see how you are doing an adequate job at either your paid work or parenting on this one day a week. It’s not reasonable to WFH with a young toddler. You need to find a childcare solution, or ask your work to let you compress your hours.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/09/2023 21:36

Sick children are way easier to work around- they tend to move less

1smallhamsterfoot · 20/09/2023 21:37

I don’t have kids and this massively pisses me off. I hate trying to talk to someone on the phone at work and all you can hear is kids booting off. No way you’re doing as much work as someone not also parenting.

Original poster
C96x · 20/09/2023 21:37

Ah yes we qualify for that but doesn’t really take much off the invoice realistically?

roll on April 24!

OP posts:
Ollifer · 20/09/2023 21:38

Sorry I'm not clear - was this arrangement agreed with your manager? Did you tell them you'd be working one day a week with the child at home or not? That's the key point here surely

WhoWhereHow · 20/09/2023 21:40

Do you honestly think you're able to give 100% to your job while your child is there?

Or equally, is it fair on your child to have you there physically but not engaging with them?

How old is your child? Tbh, this sounds like the worst of both worlds. Would compressing your hours be possible?

The policy at my work is no kids during working hours. This applies at home as it would in the office.

Original poster
C96x · 20/09/2023 21:42

1smallhamsterfoot · 20/09/2023 21:37

I don’t have kids and this massively pisses me off. I hate trying to talk to someone on the phone at work and all you can hear is kids booting off. No way you’re doing as much work as someone not also parenting.

My work isn’t telephone based unless it’s a teams call with colleagues (very very rare and always scheduled).

I honestly believe I match people in the office if not more- always complete my work and ask the team if they need to share their workload.

my child is not neglected. We are in the same room, I interact with her and I start earlier than my contracted hours to allow time to engage with her in my working day.

OP posts:
Original poster
C96x · 20/09/2023 21:43

Ollifer · 20/09/2023 21:38

Sorry I'm not clear - was this arrangement agreed with your manager? Did you tell them you'd be working one day a week with the child at home or not? That's the key point here surely

My manager was informed when I had to cut the day due to rise in nursery fees. One year on here we are!

OP posts:
Ellie1015 · 20/09/2023 21:43

I work for a very flexible enoloyer and you can't watch your child while working from home.

As you have been open i dont think they can penalise you for it but i would prepare yourself to be told it has to end. Could you work compressed hours to have an extra day off? I assume that must be effectively what you are doing as you can't work a normal day with a nursery age child around.

853ax · 20/09/2023 21:44

Someone I work with has a baby does not agree with childcare centers so you me is working around baby naps !
No policy in place that I know of.
Not sure what her agreement is with management. Have wondered if I should complain but not sure how it would go down.
Definitely annoys me. I've always had my children in childcare while working. But feeling post COVID new moms think of childcare as an option.

katmarie · 20/09/2023 21:45

Our company policy (fully remote company) is that employees must not be caring for children while working, except in emergencies. That feels right to me, I have a colleague who's kid is always in the background on work calls and it's very disruptive and irritating. Also as a pp mentioned I pay for full time nursery for my dd, it would piss me off massively if my employer was turning a blind eye to someone who was caring for their child and working.

Darcy86 · 20/09/2023 21:45

My son was born in March 2021 and I have no idea how you do that, there is no way I could work at home with him here, I'd get nothing done! As it stands now I compress my hours so I have 1 day off a week with him, in laws have him one day then he's in childcare for the other 3. That's the cheapest (for want of a more suitable word!) and easiest routine I could figure out. Perhaps you can have a frank conversation with management/hr about your options so you don't have to compromise that 1 day. Good luck!

mynameiscalypso · 20/09/2023 21:45

You may think you match the output of people in the office but the fact that someone's complained suggests that they think otherwise.