Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

How to approach wfh with a child

198 replies

C96x · 20/09/2023 20:52

Background- been at my job 6.5 years, senior role currently working hybrid after going on maternity in 2021 returning 2022 (3days home, 2 days office).

I received a call today from my manager regarding a complaint from a colleague to a director that I work from home 1 day with my child and how that shouldn’t be allowed and now my HR would like to speak to me. Instantly after this phonecall I got very upset, I have been working from home with my child 1 day a week for the last year after nursery fees increased, I’ve always openly spoken about it in meetings/ calls and discussions with HR when I have needed to have meetings.
I am having this meeting tomorrow and now I’m worried I might get penalised for this.
My work is always on top form nothing outstanding never had complaints from the accounts I look after/ deal with. Yes working from home with a child is a challenge but I get my work done and certainly if I don’t finish my work in my hours I work extra to get it done (nothing like working the next day with an increased workload).

Is there anything out there against working from home with a child? could they physically make me put my child into another day of nursery?

thoughts on this please ☺️

OP posts:
OvertiredandConfused · 21/09/2023 09:20

We wouldn't allow this on a regular basis but are pretty reasonable for the odd day due to an exceptional situation. We require staff WFH to be free from distractions and regular caring responsibilities during their working hours. If I was your manager I'd give you a couple of weeks to make alternative arragements. I'd discuss whether a flexible working request - reduced hours or compressed hours for example - might help. Following that, repetition would probably be disciplinary and / or a requirement to work fulltime in the office.

Hedonism · 21/09/2023 11:28

modgepodge · 20/09/2023 21:10

Having attempted this during Covid (not through choice) I’m always baffled when people do this when they don’t have to. My work suffered, my child suffered. It was horrendous. I find it extremely unlikely anyone could fully focus on their work with a toddler around. If I was your boss or colleague I would think you were unreasonable I’m afraid. Childcare is expensive and it sucks but this is not a solution in my mind.

1000000000% this.

Macaroni46 · 21/09/2023 13:39

Ollifer · 21/09/2023 07:14

I am allowed to work flexibly around my six year old as I can't afford childcare outside of school as a single parent and no family. My boss has been amazing, and I am totally transparent about my situation. I work early in the morning for a couple of hours, 5 hours when he's at school and then in the evening if needed once she's in bed. I also catch up at weekends if I haven't been able to finish or complete my hours. My work is always on target and done to a high standard. I've smashed every project I've delivered and take great pride in my work. I'd love to be able to afford childcare as it's very tiring juggling it all and working out of hours but it is what it is. I'm just so lucky I have an understanding boss who can see I can do the work and care for my child.

This is very different to WFH with a toddler though.

Cakecakecheese · 21/09/2023 13:47

Someone asked what my day was like so I replied.

MoaningMolly · 21/09/2023 13:53

I WFH. I start 30Mins earlier than my contracted hours so I can take 20mins to do the school run. During this 30Mins I'm
Working my kids are already fed, clothed and ready for school. They watch tv or play.

Then I take my lunch break just 2:50pm to collect them from school. This takes about 40-45 mins. To get them and get them
Settled at home with a snack. I then continue working. Their dad is normally home between 4-430.

I build up a bit of spare time in the day, so I can go and check on them, or for any reason they ask me to help them with something. Most days I definitely end up doing longer than my hours be because of my shorter lunch than I'm allocated and the extra time I do.

On occasion (illness or inset day) I've had one of them home with me. It's definitely hard work. In a way I feel more productive in the time they aren't here, as I cram so much in.

Hedonism · 21/09/2023 14:38

PuppyMonkey · 21/09/2023 08:45

I find it hard to believe your performance hasn’t been affected at all and it’s fine because you “get all your work done.”

You must get distracted by the child, you must get interrupted in the middle of a work thing sometimes. You must have to catch up later and rush a few things through because something is late. You must have forgotten something once or twice because you got engrossed in a toddler problem and never got back to the email you meant to send to the colleague or etc.

If you’re working so well now imagine how much better you’d be without the distraction of looking after a demanding child.

If it's so fine working with a toddler at home then you might as well drop the other two days at nursery as well and save even more money.

PandaChopChop · 21/09/2023 14:48

No, it's not ok. I WFH most of the time, and yes in an emergency the kids stay here. Otherwise they are at school, clubs and/or grandparents even in the holidays.

I recently was part of a court case that was held online and the BARRISTER had children in the room with her that were constantly interrupting and making noise while she was making her legal submissions.

Completely fucking unprofessional and I am absolutely astonished that she won the case. I made a complaint.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 21/09/2023 16:11

I looked after a 20 month old for half a day earlier this week. There is absolutely no way I managed my normal work in that time. This was a one off due to an emergency.

I work with a few people who clearly have their children with them when they're working. It's massively frustrating. From the one who disappears for however long to another that we can only arrange internal meetings in the afternoon. The work just isn't completed to the same standard.

If you don't have childcare for the days you're working, you either need to change your working hours or find alternative childcare. It's not fair on colleagues.

thetrainatplatform4 · 21/09/2023 16:32

I really get annoyed when colleagues with kids do this to save money on nursery fees - wouldn't we bloody all!!!!

If I was your colleague and was paying out for childcare and knew you weren't I'd complain also as it's not fair.

It's irrelevant whether you believe you get as much or more done than colleagues in the office - the point is your child is contractually likely not supposed to be there (as others have said most companies have a contractual clause which states WFH can't be used in place of childcare)

This is the reason lots of us are being hauled back into working in the office because a small number take the piss

Tryingmybestadhd · 21/09/2023 16:59

NerrSnerr · 21/09/2023 07:52

Why do very few men also work 'smart' and wfh with children @AIstolemylunch? It's because it's hard and would be detrimental to their career. Many women put up with it as they want it all, but what it actually means is they're doing lots of things but not very well.

If you can genuinely care for a 2 year old and give them the attention they need and not ignore them AND do a full day's work I would suggest that it's an unusually easy job.

I would suggest you had an easy life and never had to multitask much so you don’t accept others can . I have worked studied and been a mum since I was 19 . Currently working with a 19 month old at home in a Senior position , albeit she is only alone with me 50% of the time as my partner works shifts . 4 other people on my team work with children at home ( known to me ) they are some of my best team members and their work is impeccable. Just because you cannot multitask yourself , don’t judge others . My partner on the other hand finds it impossible to work and take care of her , he just cannot multitask efficiently. He admits to this .

YourNameGoesHere · 21/09/2023 17:12

Tryingmybestadhd · 21/09/2023 16:59

I would suggest you had an easy life and never had to multitask much so you don’t accept others can . I have worked studied and been a mum since I was 19 . Currently working with a 19 month old at home in a Senior position , albeit she is only alone with me 50% of the time as my partner works shifts . 4 other people on my team work with children at home ( known to me ) they are some of my best team members and their work is impeccable. Just because you cannot multitask yourself , don’t judge others . My partner on the other hand finds it impossible to work and take care of her , he just cannot multitask efficiently. He admits to this .

Show quote history

It's got nothing to do with multitasking! Your job and looking after a toddler are both full time roles. No matter how efficient you are at multitasking it's factual to say that unless your job is easy then to do it effectively you're neglecting your child. That might make some people in that situation feel like a shit parent and I get some people have no choice but it doesn't make it any less true.

Tryingmybestadhd · 21/09/2023 17:48

YourNameGoesHere · 21/09/2023 17:12

It's got nothing to do with multitasking! Your job and looking after a toddler are both full time roles. No matter how efficient you are at multitasking it's factual to say that unless your job is easy then to do it effectively you're neglecting your child. That might make some people in that situation feel like a shit parent and I get some people have no choice but it doesn't make it any less true.

Show quote history

People like you just can’t admit others work better . Some in this thread even witnessed q barrister in “ online “ court while at home with children and winning a case . I work within the same profession , it’s an extremely hard job . I also absolutely adore my kids and they are extreme hard work . Some of us can do both fairly well . Taking care of a toddler is in no way a full time job imo , even with activities and having the worlds most active toddler ( she is just non stop ) . Plenty of time for other stuff as most SAHM in my local groups have , gym , lots of coffee and lunch meet ups , yoga , etc , I simply work instead of going on those . Is this possible in every job role ? No , absolutely not , if you have a rile where you have to constantly be on the phone or in front of a screen , that would be impossible but most wfh roles are not like that .

Ponderingwindow · 21/09/2023 17:58

Unless it’s a rare sick day or one off, your nursery age child needs to be in child care while you work. Your manager should not have let this slide.

GreenWheat · 21/09/2023 18:01

At my work we operate under the general rule of thumb that wfh with a young child is acceptable as a one-off emergency situation but not as a regular set up.

NerrSnerr · 21/09/2023 19:16

@Tryingmybestadhd if a SAHM is going to child free coffee meet-ups, doing yoga classes or the gym they're not multitasking, they're using childcare.

If you're on a work call and your 2 year old needs a poo/ does a poo/ has a tantrum/ bangs their head/ needs a drink now etc how do you multi task that?

thetrainatplatform4 · 21/09/2023 19:50

Agree with @NerrSnerr

I'm very good at multitasking and actually worked perfectly well during lockdown in a senior position with a 3 year old home

But a younger child requiring more enrichment and nappy changes and so on - that isn't something that can be multi tasked

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 21/09/2023 20:50

Our WFH policy starts "WFH is not a substitute for childcare".

Mojodojocasahaus · 21/09/2023 21:22

Don’t know why we’re bothering op is obviously in a huff and isn’t coming back

SouthLondonMum22 · 21/09/2023 21:30

Tryingmybestadhd · 21/09/2023 17:48

People like you just can’t admit others work better . Some in this thread even witnessed q barrister in “ online “ court while at home with children and winning a case . I work within the same profession , it’s an extremely hard job . I also absolutely adore my kids and they are extreme hard work . Some of us can do both fairly well . Taking care of a toddler is in no way a full time job imo , even with activities and having the worlds most active toddler ( she is just non stop ) . Plenty of time for other stuff as most SAHM in my local groups have , gym , lots of coffee and lunch meet ups , yoga , etc , I simply work instead of going on those . Is this possible in every job role ? No , absolutely not , if you have a rile where you have to constantly be on the phone or in front of a screen , that would be impossible but most wfh roles are not like that .

Show quote history

Should parents be allowed to take their children into work then?

minipeony · 21/09/2023 21:43

SouthLondonMum22 · 21/09/2023 21:30

Should parents be allowed to take their children into work then?

Show quote history

Yes. I shall try it with my 3 year old one day a week. If people are allowed to do it at home why shouldn't I bring them in!

Tryingmybestadhd · 21/09/2023 21:51

SouthLondonMum22 · 21/09/2023 21:30

Should parents be allowed to take their children into work then?

Show quote history

Some companies allow children to go to work . I honestly do not care at all as long as the job is done and the kids are safe .

anicecuppateaa · 21/09/2023 22:01

I highly doubt our company policy states you can’t look after a child whilst wfh. It seems obvious that it’s not ok! I have 3 under 4s and struggle to work on the one off sick day with one of them at home. Sorry but I think you are being massively unreasonable and entitled to think this is ok. I think you should be prepared for HR to say this can’t continue. Lots of people (me included) break even after paying for childcare, but its about longer term career, pension, time away from being a sahm etc.

minipeony · 21/09/2023 22:05

Tryingmybestadhd · 21/09/2023 21:51

Some companies allow children to go to work . I honestly do not care at all as long as the job is done and the kids are safe .

Show quote history

Can it be done half arsed and rushed in-between entertaining the child? Can it be done so slowly that others pick up the slack?

yogasaurus · 21/09/2023 22:05

I highly doubt our company policy states you can’t look after a child whilst wfh.

Many of them have had to put it in, as CF’s were taking the piss. It’s definitely in ours

Hibernating80 · 21/09/2023 22:08

I worked with someone closely on a project who looked after his kid one day a week whilst WFH. It didn't bother me at all. He was brilliant and if that flexibility from his boss meant it kept him at the organisation then it was a very good decision. He eventually left and it was a big loss.