SAHM back to work support thread

[GlumyGloomer]

Wondering if any other SAHM's are thinking of getting back to work/retraining? I'm finding it terrifying, and looking for a safe space to chat.

I'm in the fortunate position that I can take a couple of years to retrain before needing to get a job. This seemed like a great way to overcome the CV gap, and I was quite excited about having a profession. A road block's come up as the course provider informed me at the last minute that I need a mentor to shadow whilst doing the course. Tomorrow I have to start phoning around to see if anyone might be interested in letting a random dumpy late thirties mum (pretty sure it would be an easier sell if I was attractive) tag along with them at work for 2 years.
After 6 years at home my confidence is on the floor, I can barely remember what made me employable, let alone convince anyone else 😫

I’ll join the support thread! I started work 3 weeks ago after not having a paid job for over 20 years! I’ve been doing voluntary work throughout the years to help with the CV gap and graduated with a degree this year too so I’ve been busy. Just not in the work field. It’s terrifying honestly because it is completely out of my comfort zone.

Hi Gypsy 👋
Wow well done on getting your degree and on your new job. Is it a field you've worked in before?

No! 😆 it’s with the NHS in one of their new roles. I’m a care coordinator in a doctors surgery. I’m totally new to it but because it’s a new role anyway, everyone is kind of new to it!

Tomorrow I have to start phoning around to see if anyone might be interested in letting a random dumpy late thirties mum (pretty sure it would be an easier sell if I was attractive

What a terrible way to speak about yourself. Surely you must know that skinny, attractive twenty year olds aren't the only people in employment?

@Comedycook I'm not going for a job though, i'm literally asking someone to let me shadow them once a month for 2 years, and they get nothing out of it besides the possibility of employing me when I actually qualify.
Generally though I do have low self esteem. I can prop it up when I know I am good at something, but as I am changing careers I've got no evidence base to help me at the moment.

@GypsyWanderer oh that does sound hard, new roles come with so much uncertainty. NHS is always going to be very full on too. 3 weeks isn't long though, I'm sure in time they'll wonder how they ever managed without you.

Today's progress:
6 firms contacted, 2 definitely not interested, 3 receptionists gave me emails to try and 1 actual surveyor was sort of interested and asked me to email more details. After sending my email I realised I'd left not 1 but 2 spelling mistakes in, so that chance is probably gone. Absolutely kicking myself, but I suppose it's a learning experience.

Thank you. Most of it has been induction and training and I just want to sink my teeth into something! It’s definitely an adjustment going back to work, I’m missing the kids so much which is funny because as they’re older, when I’m at home they’re all either out or in their bedrooms and I hardly see them anyway!

Monday's lead has nominally said yes! He's calling at 5 to discuss my skills. I'm trying hard to convince myself that I have some, lol.
Signed up for my course. Mixture of relief and feeling sick.

You really need to think higher of yourself! Believe me I know that’s hard. Being a mum can drain you and you can be left feeling like that’s your only skill. But it really isn’t! Not only have you learnt skills of compassion, empathy, patience and communication but you have learnt important things like time management, finance budgeting, organisation skills, multi tasking, working in a chaotic environment etc etc. be sure not to undersell yourself.

Thanks Gypsy, it actually went well and he's still agreeing to mentor me. In October I'll be starting my course, feeling quite excited again now. It's part time over 2 years, so hopefully won't be too sharp a transition for the kids. My youngest just turned 3. I feel a bit sad about taking on other commitments, but it will also be a big relief to be something other than mum.

What field is it you’re training in? You’d probably find a mums better to help if your other contact doesn’t work out. I went back recently after 4 years and it’s been tough but I did it! Covid hasn’t helped matters as so much has changed since I was last working.

I’ve been feeling super sad this week. Not enjoying work as much as I’m not having much to do. I really miss my old life, organising the home and being with the kids. I feel pretty crap 😞

OP that's amazing after just one day of trying and 5 calls to have sorted out your own mentor!

You must have great communication skills to have pulled that off and really do need to think higher of yourself. Bloody well done.

May I join? I’m going back to work after 6 years off. Going back into my previous sector into a three day a week role. Bricking it a bit mainly about the childcare/house stuff juggle. DH does a job that can’t be done from home and often can’t be contacted during work hours.

You’ll find your feet. I’ve always been responsible for the kids (5 kids) and home and I’ve been back to work 4 weeks now and we’re finding some kind of routine. Trying to get the kids to help out more and I’m having to remind myself that me and DH are both full time workers now so I can’t be responsible for everything as before. But it’s hard because I’m such a control freak!

weekends are busier than before because I feel like I’m catching up on things from that week which gets me down a bit but we’re still figuring it out.

jaffacakes it's residential surveying.

Gypsy sorry to hear you're feeling down. I think you're right, it'll get easier once you get into the real work and start to get that sense of belonging. I imagine it's quite a hard adjustment to not try to just carry on doing everything at home and getting the rest of the family to pitch in.

redandyellow thank you, I was really lucky to find someone so quickly. I have a 'posh' accent, so I've got that going for me I guess.

Twilight I've been off for 6 years too! I can understand being nervous about balancing childcare and employer, especially if your dh won't be available to help out. I'm sure it'll work out though, and be the new normal in no time.
I tell myself that too, lol.

Youngest is starting preschool, which covers 3 hours a day. Fine for the self study bits (ten hours a week), but once or twice each month I'll have actual classes, and will need to get a baby sitter. I've only used paid childcare once before, so I'm very nervous about that. I'm sure we'll all adjust.

@GlumyGloomer what training route are you taking? I work in a similar field feel free to pm me.

Thanks jaffacakes, I've sent a pm 😀

This thread is just what I'm looking for. So pleased for you @GlumyGloomer that you found someone to shadow relatively easily. I hope that will boost your confidence a bit and that it's a positive experience. This is just the first step and you aced it, so well done!

Congratulations @GypsyWanderer on getting back into work after 20 years. That really is no small achievement and I hope the big change in lifestyle will be okay - it sounds like you're coping pretty well with it already. I honestly have no idea how I'm going to deal with going back to the daily grind when my life has been my own for so long.

I've been out of work for almost 15 years and am due to complete an OU degree next year and will be looking for work after that. The prospect is utterly terrifying and I feel not only old (I'll be 50 around the time I start my job search), but also massively lacking in confidence after so many years out of the office environment, doing a professional job and looking businesslike every day.

DH (who works in the business area I'd be returning to), said that with my new degree, my IT skills (which I've kept up to date), and the fact that there is a massive shortage of workers ATM in all fields, I'll be fine. He'll also prep me for interview and get me up to speed with all the new jargon, products, etc that I'll need to know, but it's still just SO daunting.

I’ve just graduated from the OU! What are you studying? I’ve just been awarded a 2:1 in the Arts and Humanities.

I’m not sure I’m doing that well to be honest as I’ve cried every morning over the last week. I think the adjustment after 20 years in the comfort zone I had created has hit me. It’s definitely daunting, I feel you. I’m now 40 and this is my first proper grown up job and I cried when I got my first pay slip because I didn’t understand it 😂 can you tell I’m a crier?!

@maranella thanks, and welcome to the thread!
You're almost there on the degree, and that's a massive achievement. Sounds like you'll be in a good position for job hunting next year. A bit of insqider knowledge definitely helps. I know exactly what you mean about the fear of having to look presentable each day. I've bought 1 outfit for going out so far, and I still feel a bit ridiculous in smart clothes.

A box of course materials turned up, looks like I have a lot of reading to do. I'm going to need to empty out a plastic box to store all my course stuff. I'll be working on the kitchen table to start with. I'm still wobbling about how much I've committed to doing. I'll be learning to drive too. I would have loved a 'year off', just to catch my breath and sort the house out a bit and make a good dent in the driving while my youngest is at preschool. Instead I think I'm swapping one workload straight for another. Unfortunately the course was about to increase in price, so here I am.

@GypsyWanderer hang in there! It's a huge adjustment, especially if you've enjoyed being a SAHM and feel sad to leave it behind. First payslip is a landmark though, if you can then get something special for yourself 😉

Oh wow this is the type of thread I’ve been looking for I truly truly LOVE reading sahm going back to work it gives me hope! I’ve been out of work for 15 years so far and I’ve started to look for jobs or retraining but my biggest problem is I have no idea what career I want literally not a clue before I stopped working I was in a middle of a collage course about children so becoming a TA or nursery nurse but I’ve decided I don’t like kids 😂 I never even finished the course so no nvq I’m feeling so stuck I’d love a job that I truly love I struggle with my MH and I’m pretty sure I have ADD I don’t think I deal with stress well and I don’t drive so I’m a bit of a mess. But the good thing is I’ve also got a few years I can possibly study & learn to drive just need help with what direction to go any places that can help with that?
if all fails I’ll be happy stacking shelves in a supermarket this actually might be more suited for me I also did that before I stopped working and I loved that everyone left me alone lol