SAHM back to work support thread

[GlumyGloomer]

Wondering if any other SAHM's are thinking of getting back to work/retraining? I'm finding it terrifying, and looking for a safe space to chat.

I'm in the fortunate position that I can take a couple of years to retrain before needing to get a job. This seemed like a great way to overcome the CV gap, and I was quite excited about having a profession. A road block's come up as the course provider informed me at the last minute that I need a mentor to shadow whilst doing the course. Tomorrow I have to start phoning around to see if anyone might be interested in letting a random dumpy late thirties mum (pretty sure it would be an easier sell if I was attractive) tag along with them at work for 2 years.
After 6 years at home my confidence is on the floor, I can barely remember what made me employable, let alone convince anyone else 😫

Two years ago dd1 had a frequent string of bedtime headaches, which she later admitted to be faking. It's so hard with kids when they don’t always tell the truth. Hope your ds is OK and not just trying to get out of taking the medicines.

Re break for Christmas, I don't have any classes this month, but still behind on the home study. I do get a 4 week break from driving at least, although I have my theory test booked for the 21st (seemed like a good idea at the time).
Driving was going quite well, but last week I was a total mess and really struggled to focus. Kind of dreading next week's lesson.

Hi everyone, hope you all had a lovely Christmas and New Year.
A few updates here. I passed my theory test (yay), but my last actual driving lesson before Christmas was a bit shit, so dreading the next one on Tuesday.
I've realised recently how much I've been held back in life by my fear of being bad at things, or rather being observed to be bad at things. As a result I've always tried to stay firmly in my comfort zone and never really pushed myself through the inevitable being shit at new things while learning stage.

I also had my first face to face training days for my diploma. It was a lot of fun (and a lot to take in), but similarly I left feeling jealous of everyone on there who seemed to be so much better than me.
One thing that irked me, at the start we were given cards and told to write our name and occupation on. I put SAHM without thinking much or it. The trainer asked me what it meant, then made a joke about how I was the only one who did any real work. I'm thinking of writing 'unemployed technician' next time....

Congrats on passing your theory!

i’ve now been a working mum for 6 months and it is much easier and the achievement I get from earning my own money gives me so much pride. My husband has really stepped up too and cooks dinner when he finishes work and I help on the days I work from home so the balance is good at the moment.

The kids still ask me for things constantly as if I don’t work. They’ll ask me to do washing and what’s for dinner etc etc. last week I was working from while my husband was off work for Christmas and the kids multiple times asked me for things while I was working at my laptop or on a call while my husband sat right there. That’s not his fault, they see me as the one to do everything because that’s all they’ve known their whole lives. In that way, I really wish I had started work sooner so they saw me differently because they’re finding it difficult to adjust to asking their dad for things!

Sounds fantastic @GypsyWanderer it takes some time to get used to a new normal doesn’t it.

It’s been nearly 6 months for me too. I’m absolutely exhausted but so much happier. We’ve booked in to have some much needed work done on the house in the next couple of months and without me working as well we just wouldn’t have been able to afford it. Feels like I’m a whole person again, I have really missed working.

Exactly! We’re not well off or anything but take Christmas as an example. Last Christmas I took out a loan and got loads of the kids gift from catalogues because we were skint. This Christmas just gone, I didn’t have to do that so now I’m not further into debt and I’m gradually clawing my way out of it which is a lovely feeling.

Glad things are going well @GypsyWanderer and @Mol1628 , it's great to hear that it's worth persevering.

I need advice. Nobody can tell me what to do really but I need a sounding board!

Current situation; DD is in full time day care. I was freelancing enough to pay for it but work has dropped off recently and we urgently need to save a lot of money.

My options are;

1. drop DD to two days a week, starting February. Do more housework and spend time with DD. Probably wouldn't get another chance at full time daycare till February 2024.

2. wait for DD daycare to increase their hours enough to do a proper job and look for temporary contracts. (Can't get a permanent job because I need more time off than I would get). They are probably doing it mid February. I can afford to pay for a year of this out of my own savings if I don't get enough work.

It's complicated because I have one chance to decide (start of February) and I have been summoned for jury service mid February so I can't really do anything until after that.

3. get serious about freelancing and find more clients. I feel like this will not happen as I am not a natural business person (current client fell into my lap by pretty much a miracle from god).

I don't know what I want. I actually quite like the idea of spending more time with dd but I don't know if i would hate it in reality (a year is a long time) and then I will be in the same position next year and I will be 46. People stop wanting to hire you because you're too old at some point...

That sounds like a tough decision, @Aria999 .
Do you think the extra year would impact job hunting a lot? Are there any very part time roles that would fit within the reduced hours, just to keep the CV ticking over? A friend of mine actually got a job working 2 days a week from home for a charity, then she was able to increase her hours later on.
Sorry, I'm sure you've looked at all the possibilities.

Thanks for the reply @GlumyGloomer !

It's hard to find part time roles but the real difficulty is I can't go for any permanent roles (because they all only have 2 weeks holiday). And part time temporary roles don't seem to exist.

And they don't have proper maternity leave out here so maternity cover isn't really a thing (otherwise I could look for those).

Ah, that's difficult. The job market in the US sounds pretty harsh. Good luck with your decision, I'm sure the right answer will cone to you.

I felt very wobbly about starting my course this year, but Dh really pushed for not waiting (as in his head it means I'll be earning a year sooner). I wish I'd stood my ground, because the time needed just isn't there in the nursery hours. (It's a school preschool, so they only provide the government funded hours, also, we can't really afford to pay for additional hours anyway). At the moment I feel like I'm going to fail, because by the time the kids finally get to sleep (9.30) I'm exhausted and the last thing I want to do is read a law book. I also resent Dh like crazy for pushing me so hard and not listening when I had doubts about it working.

My friends really grew in confidence after going back to work. Life expanded beyond home-school- caring for kids. I think you could find it transformational in a good way.

It's an adjustment for dad's too because domestic stuff has to be shared from day 1. Set your stall out and male sure he keeps up his end.

@GlumyGloomer I'm sorry DH pushed you into it. You may find you thank him down the line but it would make me feel very uncomfortable to be pushed into anything.

Between the short nursery hours and the aggressive illness policy sometimes it feels totally pointless from a work perspective! I wonder how other people do it

Though most of the other parents at our nursery are academics so they have some flexibility. DH can definitely help me out when he is here but he travels a lot for work.

What do people do about small kids being off sick, if they don't have parents to help out?

@Aria999 to be fair to him I am a chronic under achiever, so some pushing is possibly a good thing. We shall see. He still seems to think that all I need is motivation, but time is an actual factor.

Not had to deal with juggling sick kids whilst both being employed so far. DH is 90% work from home, so I imagine mostly kids at home would get unlimited tablet time while he works 😅. Youngest would be 5 by then.

My husband can work from home as and when so if the kids are sick he generally can look after them from home.
Usually they’re happy enough left to watch tv now they’re almost 8 and 10. It just gets a little easier as every year passes.

@GlumyGloomer I suspect you are being overly hard on yourself! How are you feeling today?

It looks like I may be able to find one or two people on Facebook who are available at short notice to help with sick kids. Though the initial two people who replied have now ghosted me 🤷‍♀️

So I started looking for temporary roles at my level and there is NOTHING.

Can't decide to just get a permanent role and suck up the lack of holiday for probably a couple of years as FIL has terminal brain cancer and we have to be able to get over to the uk.

How's your week going? Are you feeling any better?

@Aria999 how are things going, have you made a decision yet?

My next 2 virtual classes are on Friday. I am prepared for....1 of them. Not helped by teacher strikes on Wednesday. I could plonk dd1 on her tablet and still get some study done, but nursery is still open, giving me a virtually unheard of window with just dd1. I'm extremely tempted to just do a craft activity with her or something.

Driving continues to be meh. I've realised that somewhere in my head was the dream of actually excelling at it, despite also having for many years thought it wasn't for me at all. Instead I have found another thing to bumble along being average at, sigh.

@GlumyGloomer yes I decided to keep the full time.

I still can't find any contract work but I did land one of the (12!) freelance projects I bid for on the day I was having a crisis about it (these are typically short, a few days to a couple of weeks).

We have rearranged our family budgeting so I know how much I need to earn in a year to fund the variable cost of me earning, and I'm going to keep trying to do it by freelancing. Fingers crossed!

Don't worry too much about the driving, it gets gradually better with experience. I have always enjoyed driving but it has been a long while to feel I am a good driver, and even now after I have been driving for 17 years, if I am stressed out by bickering kids in the back I am perfectly capable of going the wrong way down a one way street, etc.

How much can you wing it if you are not prepared for a class? Can you catch it up later? I hear you about wanting to grab an opportunity for solo time with DC1.

@Aria999 well done on getting the freelance contract, it sounds like a great flexible option. Good luck!
Also I meant to say last time, sorry about your FIL's diagnosis.

I should be alright, so far the virtual classes haven't featured any tests. My plan is cram like mad in the second year, as the assessment phase is quite flexible. It's still all rather nerve wracking though.
Will definitely do something nice with dd1 tomorrow, it's too good a chance to pass up.

Hi @GlumyGloomer how is it going?

Hi @Aria999 , how are things? I've been busy, but still don't feel like I'm achieving much. Driving progress is painfully slow, surveying progress is hard to measure but I'm behind with the online lessons. Sometimes I think I'm getting somewhere, Sometimes it feels impossible.

Hi @GlumyGloomer , I started to reply then lost the post!

Good thanks. I haven't had time to look for any more work 🤣 between sick kids, contractors, and my two previous projects keeping not being quite finished.

Sorry to hear you are feeling a lack of progress. Would it help to do an intensive driving course (full days for a week)? I eventually did this after failing 5 times and taking a break.

(I eventually passed on my 8th test. I discovered that it seems to be more about attitude and confidence than actual ability. If they deeel you are ok they let you off with some stuff that they would otherwise use as an excuse to fail you. On my 8th test i had just started thyroid treatment and was feeling up-beat and less terrified 🤣).

*feel, not deeel...

I’m starting to job search after being a SAHM for 7 years. I have been volunteering for a year to help build up experience and to get more recent references (as well as wanting to actually do some voluntary work).

My self-confidence in regards to applying for jobs is through the floor. I’ve seen a job that would fit in with the school run and looks interesting but I keep looking at the description and I know deep down that with the training they say they will provide it will be easy enough, but I keep thinking how could I do the job because I don’t know how to do it already. Also that they will just look at my CV and think meh, she can’t possibly remember how to do the most basic stuff in an office after 7 years. Honestly, having DC has just destroyed my confidence and I hate feeling this way 😞

Out and up. Just go for it! I was in the same position as you. Voluntary work is such a good way to get back into employment. When I started my new job I didn’t have a clue but… it didn’t last long. Honestly, they’d be lucky to have you

id never put it on my cv or say it in an interview but being a SAHM gives so many skills that are useful in the work place, might not feel like it at the moment but trust me it does.