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Original poster

SAHM back to work support thread

191 replies

GlumyGloomer · 24/07/2022 08:29

Wondering if any other SAHM's are thinking of getting back to work/retraining? I'm finding it terrifying, and looking for a safe space to chat.

I'm in the fortunate position that I can take a couple of years to retrain before needing to get a job. This seemed like a great way to overcome the CV gap, and I was quite excited about having a profession. A road block's come up as the course provider informed me at the last minute that I need a mentor to shadow whilst doing the course. Tomorrow I have to start phoning around to see if anyone might be interested in letting a random dumpy late thirties mum (pretty sure it would be an easier sell if I was attractive) tag along with them at work for 2 years.
After 6 years at home my confidence is on the floor, I can barely remember what made me employable, let alone convince anyone else 😫

OP posts:
Original poster
GlumyGloomer · 06/08/2022 14:19

@maranella thanks, it's terrifying isn't it? I was never good at school, didn't go to uni, so it's very daunting. I did do an OU access course a few years ago, which I found very easy, but I'm aware that this will be much harder.

It's great to know so many SAHM's have made it back into work and are doing well. Good luck to everyone starting new jobs soon!

@GypsyWanderer that sounds like a horrific week, so glad your boss has your back. Hopefully this week will be better

OP posts:
Original poster
GlumyGloomer · 06/08/2022 14:39

Re the self worth of a SAHM; my friends always pull me up when I describe myself as unemployed. I do feel though that I'm just saying what most people would think. It is not a valued occupation in society. Even my husband, who agreed that he wanted the kids at home for the early years took it as license to leave all the family drudge work to me because 'you're not working'. I'm hoping that once I'm earning it will level things a bit.

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Mol1628 · 06/08/2022 14:49

@GlumyGloomer yes my husband is the same he’s super supportive and does work very hard but we have become very accustomed to me just being here to deal with everyone else’s crap. The assumption that I’m free REALLY annoys me. I mean I am usually free but that’s not the point. 😂

My kids school also often phone me with random crap during the day saying oh can you pop in with xyz Just assuming I’m waiting at home for them to call. My husband will be going down as Primary contact once I’ve started my job because he will be much closer to the school than me.

Original poster
GlumyGloomer · 06/08/2022 15:58

@Mol1628 be very interesting to see if the school follow the preference order, or just automatically carry on ringing you because 'mums do kid stuff'

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GypsyWanderer · 06/08/2022 19:43

It’s definitely been an adjustment for me, feeling like I'm not necessarily the one to contact first in an emergency! But I’m sure i’ll be contacted first in the case of someone needed to be picked up. But DH would get there quicker so 🤷🏽‍♀️

what did irk me a bit was when I told my mum I had got a job and she reacted with ‘how will you do everything at home if you’re working?’ I was like ‘mum I have a husband and 4 kids which include 3 teenage boys!’ I’ve had to relinquish the control freak in me but they are all capable of doing things! I’ve had a lot of ‘oh you’re coping well’ and ‘I’m glad you’re managing’ since I started. I know she doesn’t mean anything by it, it’s just that she was the typical housewife.

Mol1628 · 06/08/2022 19:49

Yes my husband will be the closest and his job is very flexible. It will be hard to default to him doing the main responsibility of the kids.

Oh my mum is the same she does work but part time and term time since I was little. She refers to my voluntary job as ‘my little job’. Gives me the rage. She doesn’t mean anything by it though.

She is baffled that I’ve taken a full time job because I want to earn and work full time. She keeps saying it’s a shame that I have to work because of the cost of living but that’s not why I’m doing it.

norwichmummy123 · 06/08/2022 20:57

GlumyGloomer · 06/08/2022 15:58

@Mol1628 be very interesting to see if the school follow the preference order, or just automatically carry on ringing you because 'mums do kid stuff'

Yes! I bet they blimmin do

norwichmummy123 · 06/08/2022 21:00

MrsStarwars · 06/08/2022 08:27

i was a SAHM for 7 years, then worked very part time hours in a school job to fit round home life for the next 9 years.
I’m now 18months into working full time back in my old career (in the NHS) and loving every minute! Although many years have passed, I feel more equipped to do my job than ever before, more confidence too. It took a bit of getting used to at the start, juggling home and work, but somehow it all works.

Wonderful! Well done! Love this post Xxxxxxx

CaptainN · 07/08/2022 12:22

Hi everybody. I've spent all morning crying about returning to work and I'm really glad to find this thread.

I've not worked for about 7 years now since I got pregnant with my eldest. When I did work it was a very high stress job that I ended up leaving after being bullied and harassed by a manager. I've been a SAHM for 7 years now and it's been amazing, I've loved being at home with my babies, but from next year I will need to work for us to be able to afford everything.

I have quite high qualifications but I doubt they'll be relevant in the kind of fields I'll be working in. I'm finding the whole thing so daunting. I worry that I'm not good enough, that no job will want me or that I'll mess it all up. I've never worked to support a family before and I'm scared that I'm not capable. I'm also going to miss my youngest so much, especially since I'll likely have to go back before.

We've been in our routine for so long now and I'm worried that the change will disrupt our family life. At the same time I don't want to be stuck at home alone whilst my partner works and my kids go to school as I know it would drive me crazy.

Mol1628 · 07/08/2022 14:31

Oh @CaptainN I know where you’re coming from. I’m sure you’ll do fantastic though when you do go back. Maybe start with something with fewer hours and responsibility to build your confidence first? Once you get a taste for being back at work I bet your worries well ease.

Original poster
GlumyGloomer · 07/08/2022 17:39

Hi @CaptainN , I was feeling exactly the same over the mentor thing, that no one would even consider me. There's rejection in every job hunt, it won't be a personal judgment, and I'm sure you'll be able to find something. I totally get what you mean about the responsibility being terrifying. I alternate between 'I just have to do it' and 'what if I can't do it?!!!'.
How old is your little one? My youngest just turned 3, and I'm quite ready to have a bit of a break from her. Funny thing is though I'm happy about her starting preschool (attached to my eldest's school) but feel utterly heartbroken about using wrap around care on the handful of days I have to go to in person classes. It takes a lot of vetting before I feel comfortable handing my kids over.

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UnicornsDoExist · 10/08/2022 09:06

Hi can I join? Started back to work last week part time after 14 years. I’m having huge doubts about myself this week 😔

I did an update of my skills last year and got a job doing almost identical work to my previous role but for two doctors instead of one. I’m completely overwhelmed with how everything is literally computerised in this office. My last place had some emails coming through but nothing on the scale of what I see here and literally every piece of paper is scanned in.
I was hired with two other young ladies in their 20s and I feel like an old crone beside them. I’m 49.

Mol1628 · 10/08/2022 11:52

@UnicornsDoExist Don’t worry! You need to give a new job at least 3 months before you feel comfortable. I’m sure you’re doing great.

UnicornsDoExist · 10/08/2022 13:07

Thank you x I am probably putting pressure on myself as they hired me as the ‘experienced’ person. It’s such an adjustment going from home full time to this.

it’s reassuring to read how everyone here feels the same! ❤️

Mol1628 · 10/08/2022 14:28

UnicornsDoExist · 10/08/2022 13:07

Thank you x I am probably putting pressure on myself as they hired me as the ‘experienced’ person. It’s such an adjustment going from home full time to this.

it’s reassuring to read how everyone here feels the same! ❤️

I’m sure your experience will shine through once you find your feet a bit! Fake it till you make it for now. That’s my plan!

maranella · 10/08/2022 16:59

Congratulations on your new job @UnicornsDoExist! And you got one that's part-time, so well done for that too.

DH was saying that as I haven't worked in so long I might find it hard to get a PT position right from the get-go and that I might have to work FT to start with. The thing is, I'm pretty sure if I go from FT at home to FT at work, I won't be able to cope. It will be too much of an adjustment, but I'm afraid of saying that at interview, because who the hell is going to hire someone who says right from the start that they couldn't cope with working 5 days a week? Do any of you have any insight into that issue?

Mol1628 · 10/08/2022 17:12

I had to accept full time. I’ve been doing two days a week voluntary work though for the last few months. I’m not going to cope well to begin with but I’ve not got much choice. Lots of coffee I guess.

GypsyWanderer · 10/08/2022 20:24

maranella · 10/08/2022 16:59

Congratulations on your new job @UnicornsDoExist! And you got one that's part-time, so well done for that too.

DH was saying that as I haven't worked in so long I might find it hard to get a PT position right from the get-go and that I might have to work FT to start with. The thing is, I'm pretty sure if I go from FT at home to FT at work, I won't be able to cope. It will be too much of an adjustment, but I'm afraid of saying that at interview, because who the hell is going to hire someone who says right from the start that they couldn't cope with working 5 days a week? Do any of you have any insight into that issue?

I’ve gone from being a stay at home mum of 20 years to a full time job and it’s definitely an adjustment. It’s been 5 weeks now and I’ve spent some days crying and it’s been hard.

One of the difficult things is that I’ve gone from being very productive in the home to being unproductive at work as I’m still learning and haven’t had much to do. Whereas before I would spend hours cooking and doing housework and schools runs etc. at the moment I’m spending 9 hours a day doing very little, watching other people and reading and I find that lack of work and productivity to be hard when I’m used to being so active. I’m hoping that’ll change though when I get into my role.

UnicornsDoExist · 10/08/2022 21:10

maranella · 10/08/2022 16:59

Congratulations on your new job @UnicornsDoExist! And you got one that's part-time, so well done for that too.

DH was saying that as I haven't worked in so long I might find it hard to get a PT position right from the get-go and that I might have to work FT to start with. The thing is, I'm pretty sure if I go from FT at home to FT at work, I won't be able to cope. It will be too much of an adjustment, but I'm afraid of saying that at interview, because who the hell is going to hire someone who says right from the start that they couldn't cope with working 5 days a week? Do any of you have any insight into that issue?

I’ve applied for so many positions and not had one call back until this one! I think I was so fed up by the time I got a call back that I just went in there and said I’ll be honest with you because I don’t want to waste your time (or my own), I’m looking for part time. It’s an hour commute for me so I asked for hours that would mean I’d miss the rush hour traffic. I can’t tell you how surprised I was that they were willing to accommodate me!

so I guess my advice would be to be honest from the get go, tell them what you’re looking for, maybe I came across as confident by doing that (I’m not, my confidence is terrible 😂)

UnicornsDoExist · 10/08/2022 21:10

Thank you 😊

UnicornsDoExist · 10/08/2022 21:14

I don’t think I’d say anything about you’re worried about not coping, I felt I could manage 2-3 days a week, 9 hours each, I’ve started to realise if you don’t ask you don’t get, all they can do is say no sorry we don’t have part time available.

Original poster
GlumyGloomer · 11/08/2022 14:43

UnicornsDoExist · 10/08/2022 21:14

I don’t think I’d say anything about you’re worried about not coping, I felt I could manage 2-3 days a week, 9 hours each, I’ve started to realise if you don’t ask you don’t get, all they can do is say no sorry we don’t have part time available.

This is definitely true. A friend of mine recently interviewed for a full-time role, said she only wanted 3 days per week and they agreed to it.

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Original poster
GlumyGloomer · 11/08/2022 14:53

@GypsyWanderer hope you had a better week. I know exactly what you mean, but in reverse 😅. I went from being pretty competent at work to drowning at home. My two are both lousy sleepers. They're OK through the night now, but they will not go to sodding bed in the evenings. My husband still makes the odd comment about how I should be able to handle all the housework and child rearing without him needing to lift a finger 🙄 . It's really knocked my self esteem over the years. Part of the terror over starting a new career is what if I'm shit at that too? But I have to try because I need the financial security.

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UnicornsDoExist · 11/08/2022 22:55

day 4 for me today and it didn’t go well. I feel like throwing in the towel already but I’m going to give it a month and see how I feel. The training is pretty crap but they get narky about errors? I’m supposed to finish at 8pm but it’s never that, it’s 8:30 or later. I started work at 11 and got lunch at 4. I’m tired and a little deflated tonight

UnicornsDoExist · 11/08/2022 22:56

GlumyGloomer · 11/08/2022 14:53

@GypsyWanderer hope you had a better week. I know exactly what you mean, but in reverse 😅. I went from being pretty competent at work to drowning at home. My two are both lousy sleepers. They're OK through the night now, but they will not go to sodding bed in the evenings. My husband still makes the odd comment about how I should be able to handle all the housework and child rearing without him needing to lift a finger 🙄 . It's really knocked my self esteem over the years. Part of the terror over starting a new career is what if I'm shit at that too? But I have to try because I need the financial security.

sou like you have a lot on your plate