Being bullied working from home

[Ceriane]

So, I have been at my current job for 2 years and work with a really nice, friendly team. Have been working from home since March and quite enjoying it, no problems. However, in May we had a new line manager, and it didn’t take long for her to get her feet under the table. We were all really welcoming and settled her in, but after not very long she began running it like and absolute dictatorship and is making my life a living hell. We now have to log it on our screen if we leave our laptop for any reason such as to go to the loo or make a drink, and we are quizzed about it if it happens to be at a time she happened to want to ring us. We have to answer every e-mail she sends straight away (within seconds or she rings and asks why it hasn’t been answered) regardless of how many other emails we have or what else we might be working on and she is constantly emailing and ringing me. She has said that we have to log everything on a calendar for her to read as to exactly what we have been doing and when and will query it as though we are lying, if she sets a task she demands that you inform her how far you’ve got with it at the end of every hour and will ring me after about 15 minutes and accuse me of not doing it and say in a really creepy, deliberately intimidating sing song voice “if you have been working on this since 11.10am as your calendar suggests, then how come...” she will quibble down to the nanosecond everything you have said you’ve been working on on your calendar. A lot of our systems are shared and she seems to spend the entire day checking I’ve done what she has said straight away. I’m a well meaning person in my 30s and have never given her any reason to mistrust me. Every interaction I have with her she is really aggressive and quite abusive. You can’t relax for a second. She quizzes me on what time I started, we have to email her to let her know we have logged on. I can start any time between 8 and 9 and finish 8 hours later. If I send the email at 8.07 and then out of habit put 8.00am started working on such and such she rings me and I get the sing song voice “If you started at 8am as your calendar states how come I never had an email until 8.07?” She micromanages my every move! She has changed all our systems and made them unnecessarily complicated and she will check that you have followed every detail of this. If there is anything you have forgotten to do or been confused by she copies another more senior member of the team into the email detailing the errors and a lot of the time they are perceived errors because she has got confused. If you ask a question regarding any of her new systems she comes back aggressively with “we went through this yesterday, you said you understood. What is not clear?” If she asks you to do something and it takes longer than she thinks it should she rings and says”I’ve asked you to do such and such WHAT is the hold up?!” I’m fairly new to taking minutes, and in most jobs people say I’m really good at anything that involves writing. She doesn’t seem to understand why I can’t just ping them over to her an hour after the meeting and instead of commenting on the detail or if it’s well written she will say “not all of the bullet points were in a straight line, if this had have been for a bigger meeting there’s no way we’d have been able to send these out”. If she has been confused about one of our systems, she assumes I have got it wrong and when I’m in the middle of constructing an email back to her to explain the process, she will constantly email me asking why I haven’t e-mailed her back. I had to email her twice to say “can you just give me a minute, I’m looking into this” before sending her the big email explaining it. The list of examples goes on. She will accuse me of not attending meetings when she has got the time wrong or of not having my away sign on if I’m on my break when weirdly she always seems to need to “urgently” ring me at that time. She even went as far as to take a screenshot of it and sent it to a more senior manager. She just constantly rips me to shreds over things that I’ve previously had praise for in other jobs. She won’t let me decide how to plan my own workload or to jump to a different task to break it up a bit, if I do she speaks to me in the weird singsong voice again like she’s caught a wayward child doing something really naughty. I’m a grown adult with a flipping degree and a lot of experience, plus I’m well meaning and work really hard yet she makes me feel at best, incompetent and at worst like a criminal. I could go on and on there’s so many examples. My nerves are in shreds and she’s actually made me really ill. She’s never even worked in the office with us, she doesn’t know us, this has all been during the lockdown and working from home. She is by far the worst person I’ve ever worked with and to be honest ever met in my life! I just don’t know what to do!

She sounds awful OP! I feel so sorry for you; I couldn’t work with her!

Can you speak to your other team members and see if they have found the same - if so just go above her head and explain (ideally as a group) how this micromanagement is counterproductive to productivity and is causing unnecessary stress which is impacting on your ability to effectively and efficiently carry out your tasks?

I’m sure someone else will be along with (probably better) advice, but mainly just wanted to empathise - I know the type you mean, but thankfully have never worked with or for one 😱

Are you under any disciplinary ? As that sounds like micromanaging to the nth degree. Do your other collegues feel the same? Do you have a HR department?

Avoid descriptions of the "tone of voice" but I'd detail the other things and actually count up how much of your day you spend reporting back to her micromanagement. Then either her line manager or HR.

If possible ask if you can move to a different team and explain why

I've had a boss like this. I'm the first instance I would report it to hr as the bullying it is. If they don't do anything I would honestly look for another job. This sort of behaviour can really damage your mental health and your self confidence for a long period after.

Thank you. I will do.

Under disciplinary....no, absolutely not. Why would I be?

Christ I used to work with a woman who sounds exactly like this. She was really petite and seemed to go out of her way to make herself sound and appear incredibly young as a way of excusing her questionable behaviour and practices. The men seemingly "didn't notice". It was like something out of a porn movie with her malicious behaviour to women full stop but worse to those actually doing their jobs competently but giggling and flirting with the men.

I'm pretty certain she was having an affair with the director by the time I left.

It sounds as if she is very insecure and feels threatened, she is a bully and should be reported as such.

Thanks for your responses. I do plan to keep a log and go to HR and also her line manager who I’m sure by now is regretting choosing her for the role. She came into the job after the girl they originally appointed let us down at the last minute, so they employed the next person with the most points at interview, she may not even have been 2nd choice, she could have been 3rd or 4th for all I know. She has only been with us for 2 months! Within the team she only manages me and one other person, within the wider team they have other line managers. I think she thinks she’s the manager of the whole place. I feel that if this were happening in the office, and other people heard it, they would have something to say, because it’s just not a bullying type of culture. I just worry, in light of one OP asking if I was under disciplinary, is people’s first assumption going to be that I’ve done something wrong and brought this on myself, as I absolutely haven’t. We’ve done everything we can to settle her in. The only thing I’ve done is to find some of her new processes confusing (which she created off the back of me typing out and explaining our existing ones to her). She wants me to make mistakes, she takes absolute glee in copying every tiny thing in an email to a more senior member of the team! She emails and rings constantly when I’m trying to concentrate and get stuff done to the point where I can’t think clearly to don’t job and I’m having to second guess my every move.

@Ceriane

Thank you. I will do.

Under disciplinary....no, absolutely not. Why would I be?

That is the only reason for someone to be constantly reporting back and micromanaged.I didn't think you would be.

You should send everything you've said here to HR.. She sounds like an utter nightmare, and is either bullying you, or has no clue how to manage people.

She sounds absolutely awful. I wonder if it’s worth you going to your gp and getting signed off sick just to give yourself a breather and make a case to Hr about her dreadful behavior.

Could you talk to any of your work colleagues and see if they are having the same experience.
I had an boss like this and I started making an email trail raising your concerns to her that you are not able to concentrate due to her calling you constantly, everytime she calls and whines follow it up with an email what is it she wants done.
Then put in a grievance and then go off sick with work related stress. You can’t work like this, you must be a nervous wreck.

Sending hugs OP, she sounds vile. Yes, speak to the colleague who is also managed by her. Most importantly, join a union. If you know her senior managers it is worth approaching them to discuss. Ditto HR. Can you ask to be moved to a different manager? If she's newly hired she could (should) be on probation and if your senior managers are any good they should take action about this. Good luck.

Does she have the power to fire or otherwise harm you?

What would happen if you ignored her - refused to answer the phone, ignored her emails apart from the work-essential ones? Let her scream herself into a tizzy; she'll honestly sounds psychotic and if you give her enough rope she'll hang herself. It's not normal to bombard someone like that, and the emails she's sent you build a convincing case against her.

Definitely go to HR straight away and say that she's bullying you. You have plenty of evidence, and it's likely that others have noticed her bizarre emails too.

Her manager if worth their salt would not want this. Ideally, see if others are having the same experience and if they are, arrange a meeting with her manager and others to give feedback. If it's just you, give the feedback alone. She is likely to have a probationary period...strike while the iron is hot!

Thank you so much. I am thinking of going off sick as I genuinely feel really ill cos of this. I think they may have done, but I worry they will just think I’m incompetent...I couldn’t be trying any harder. Unfortunately she does have the power to get rid of me and has already threatened to go down the capability route due to me finding her new processes confusing and being so stressed and rushed by her I’m making errors. It just feels like a no win situation.

It's not you, it's her.

Being treated like this at work is absolutely horrible. I endured a few months in a new role with a woman I thought I'd learn a lot from who almost totally broke me. I'd cry on the tube on the way home. Don't stand for it.

The senior managers that she's bringing into things, are they people that already know you? If they are paying her to manage but she can only manage by emailing them it's not going to look great!

Echoing what others have said but do the log now about what has happened already. So, for eg, if she's all about the efficiencies get your phone and your email and make a spreadsheet that shows how much of your working day you're spending dealing with her chasing you. You'll never need to show that to her but it's your logic weapon. What sort of role is it? Keeping people tied to their laptops and asking them to log when going to the toilet (!) or getting a drink is bonkers. I've only heard of lawyers or call centre workers being managed that tightly! Bullet points not in a straight line? WTAF. My suggestion there is get an internet template you amend.

What is your HR team like? How are your relationships with the others around her and the other person she's managing? It'll be much more expensive if they lose all of you ...

What's her rationale behind the new processes? Is there a rationale? Or just her trying to put her stamp on stuff?

The sing song voice sounds creepy. I'd accidentally record it...

In my horrid job I drank gallons and gallons of water at my desk so I went for a wee once an hour. Like I said, it almost broke me. You've got this. We're with you and you can get out from this abusive woman.

Thank you!!! The people she copies in already know me, the main person hasn’t given any response to it as yet, probably has enough to do and I think she really doesn’t like dealing with conflict, probably wishes it would all just go away. Any feedback I’ve had from this line manager after she has been talking to her line manager is along the lines of “I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding etc” you can tell she thinks she is being way OTT and ridiculous! She only manages one other person, and I know that she has on occasion been like it towards her, her voice actually shakes in meetings talking to her and she’s overly apologetic about things she doesn’t need to be. However I feel that she is really targeting me. The wider team and other teams we work closely with in the organisation are all really nice people and I keep in touch with several of them socially. I can’t really see this person fitting in to be honest or going down well, people won’t be okay with it, I feel sure of that. It’s not a bullying culture. I can’t believe this is how she acts and she’s never actually worked there in”real life”. It’s healthcare, administration...sort of a behind the scenes role, not the sort of job where you have to man the phones constantly. It’s not even that stressful but she’s making it really stressful just to assert her authority. She wanted to put her own stamp on things which is fine, but it seemed to after I explained the existing ones...ie “Ceri’s way to clues up on that, I’ll change it and make it complicated so that I have the power” kind of thing. I’m away at the minute so don’t know what developments there will be when I get back. I will definitely talk to her line manager, HR and keep a log. I’m in a right state over this.

Also, when me and the other person inevitably move on (obviously I’m looking for another job, but it’s hard in this climate and with me being ill with a whole load of stress related stuff) if she’s still there and new people come in, they’re not going to keep staff, as people will just walk out and think it’s a really bad place to work. If I started this job as a new person, not in lockdown and was confronted with her I think I’d just walk out without even handing my notice in as I consider her behaviour to be extreme bullying and even abuse!

I have worked somewhere where a department manager was like this. Fortunately she wasn't my manager but would did everything the OP has mentioned and would speak to us the same when calling our department. She wanted an apology on record if one one us was in the toilet when she called!!

I am actually wondering if it is the same person

Ooh where was it? Don’t worry if your not able to say....just curious! She was in an admin management role at her last place.

This sounds awful - sending calming thoughts your way.

She obviously has real issues with her own abilities to manage people and is completely over doing it.

You really need to protect yourself in this situation and need to keep a detailed log of all changes she has made since joining - and your experience of using those changes, and all the micromanaging and checking up. But make sure it is a clear and calm list.

Also ensure you have copies of every single email where she has reprimanded you, or copied in a senior manager etc.

Also start writing down a log of every single phone call, dates and times.

It would also be helpful to dig out any praise or positive feedback you have had in your workplace from before her. Doesn't matter how small.

She will definitely be in a probationary period and so your employers would be frustrated to receive negative feedback AFTER the probation. They can do something about it now - such as extend her probation etc. You're right that if you were in an office she wouldn't be able to get away with this. How on earth she gets any of her own work done I don't know.

Also - find out from colleagues in other teams (similar work) if they are also required to check in with their line managers in this way and micromanaged like this.

I would gather all information and calmly email it all to HR with a professional email about wanting to make an official complaint against her and explaining the stress that this is causing you. It's important to say that you've always enjoyed your job and received positive feedback in the past. Follow it up fairly quickly with a phone call to HR.

Request a move to a different team if you need to.
Don't allow this woman to ruin your job for you.

God she sounds truly unbearable.

Can you ask for a meeting with her line manager?

She does sound awful - truly dreadful.
However one thing to caution - ime - when a new manager comes in and starts behaving like this from the off - someone above them has something to do with it. I can think of at least three management roles where the director or whoever is above me has tried to get me to implement some sort of new or draconian measure that they want, but don’t have the balls to try and implement themselves.
I’ve always challenged it (or basically done my own thing) but if she’s a relatively new manager she may be bowing to it - or overdoing it,

She sounds like one of these that hates home/agile working but has been forced into it due to the CV situation. Is there a plan to stop WFH or is it to continue?

I would suggest a meeting with her and her line manager. Lay out the issues clearly and ask why she feels that she needs to micro manage you to this extent. Query if she does as to why and get examples. Try and agree a way forward.

If it isn't successful, then I would make clear that you view this as bullying. Presumably your performed was good and evidenced to be so prior to her appointment? If so then how come she suddenly feels the need to discuss potential disciplinary.

I introduced flexible and home working into my team. Wasn't without resistance from peers and others. My team responded and proved me right were aware some were awaiting my fall on it. Come Covid my team were all set up and it was also like business as usual.

Make notes if the meeting and I would suggest circulating them to her and her line manager

I would try not to go off sick, that would be on your record and obviously not hers.

Factual log of her contact, with times and impact of interruption...so 'jobA not completed due to email timed at', 'jobB interrupted and delayed by email timed af'
I bet it looks hideous in a table...
8.00 email from mad manager (MM) action 1 to complete
8.02 email from MM action 2 to complete
8.03 phone call from MM to ask why action1 isn't complete
8.05 email from MM to ask why neither action 1 or 2 are incomplete....