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Being bullied working from home

375 replies

Ceriane · 30/07/2020 02:47

So, I have been at my current job for 2 years and work with a really nice, friendly team. Have been working from home since March and quite enjoying it, no problems. However, in May we had a new line manager, and it didn’t take long for her to get her feet under the table. We were all really welcoming and settled her in, but after not very long she began running it like and absolute dictatorship and is making my life a living hell. We now have to log it on our screen if we leave our laptop for any reason such as to go to the loo or make a drink, and we are quizzed about it if it happens to be at a time she happened to want to ring us. We have to answer every e-mail she sends straight away (within seconds or she rings and asks why it hasn’t been answered) regardless of how many other emails we have or what else we might be working on and she is constantly emailing and ringing me. She has said that we have to log everything on a calendar for her to read as to exactly what we have been doing and when and will query it as though we are lying, if she sets a task she demands that you inform her how far you’ve got with it at the end of every hour and will ring me after about 15 minutes and accuse me of not doing it and say in a really creepy, deliberately intimidating sing song voice “if you have been working on this since 11.10am as your calendar suggests, then how come...” she will quibble down to the nanosecond everything you have said you’ve been working on on your calendar. A lot of our systems are shared and she seems to spend the entire day checking I’ve done what she has said straight away. I’m a well meaning person in my 30s and have never given her any reason to mistrust me. Every interaction I have with her she is really aggressive and quite abusive. You can’t relax for a second. She quizzes me on what time I started, we have to email her to let her know we have logged on. I can start any time between 8 and 9 and finish 8 hours later. If I send the email at 8.07 and then out of habit put 8.00am started working on such and such she rings me and I get the sing song voice “If you started at 8am as your calendar states how come I never had an email until 8.07?” She micromanages my every move! She has changed all our systems and made them unnecessarily complicated and she will check that you have followed every detail of this. If there is anything you have forgotten to do or been confused by she copies another more senior member of the team into the email detailing the errors and a lot of the time they are perceived errors because she has got confused. If you ask a question regarding any of her new systems she comes back aggressively with “we went through this yesterday, you said you understood. What is not clear?” If she asks you to do something and it takes longer than she thinks it should she rings and says”I’ve asked you to do such and such WHAT is the hold up?!” I’m fairly new to taking minutes, and in most jobs people say I’m really good at anything that involves writing. She doesn’t seem to understand why I can’t just ping them over to her an hour after the meeting and instead of commenting on the detail or if it’s well written she will say “not all of the bullet points were in a straight line, if this had have been for a bigger meeting there’s no way we’d have been able to send these out”. If she has been confused about one of our systems, she assumes I have got it wrong and when I’m in the middle of constructing an email back to her to explain the process, she will constantly email me asking why I haven’t e-mailed her back. I had to email her twice to say “can you just give me a minute, I’m looking into this” before sending her the big email explaining it. The list of examples goes on. She will accuse me of not attending meetings when she has got the time wrong or of not having my away sign on if I’m on my break when weirdly she always seems to need to “urgently” ring me at that time. She even went as far as to take a screenshot of it and sent it to a more senior manager. She just constantly rips me to shreds over things that I’ve previously had praise for in other jobs. She won’t let me decide how to plan my own workload or to jump to a different task to break it up a bit, if I do she speaks to me in the weird singsong voice again like she’s caught a wayward child doing something really naughty. I’m a grown adult with a flipping degree and a lot of experience, plus I’m well meaning and work really hard yet she makes me feel at best, incompetent and at worst like a criminal. I could go on and on there’s so many examples. My nerves are in shreds and she’s actually made me really ill. She’s never even worked in the office with us, she doesn’t know us, this has all been during the lockdown and working from home. She is by far the worst person I’ve ever worked with and to be honest ever met in my life! I just don’t know what to do!

OP posts:
nancybotwinbloom · 05/08/2020 19:57

Joining a union as someone upthread suggested is a good shout.

Ceriane · 05/08/2020 20:04

Thank you. I will do. 🙂

OP posts:
Youngatheart00 · 05/08/2020 20:07

Please go to HR. I’m sure you will find them to be extremely supportive, especially with the evidence / timelines you have accumulated.

As others have said, if she is on probation herself acting quickly could make all the difference!

Sakura7 · 05/08/2020 20:08

Have still not plucked up the courage to go to HR (stupid I know). Think I’m scared of repercussions.

It's not stupid at all, it's a very stressful situation. But bear in mind that this will come to a head at some point, because it is impossible for you (or any normal human being) to keep going under this intense pressure and abuse. Better it's done on your terms, with clear explanations and evidence of her behaviour, than when you have a breakdown.

Give HR a chance to do something, and if nothing changes then get signed off with work related stress.

theemmadilemma · 06/08/2020 09:47

You need to report her to HR for everyone's sake. Can you reach out to the other person she manages to go together?

Just on what you've written here, our HR would be shitting themselves about the position she was putting the company in.

theemmadilemma · 06/08/2020 09:48

What I'm trying to say, is HR would want you to report this. If no one tells them a Manager is behaving this way, they cannot address it.

BluebellsGreenbells · 06/08/2020 09:52

I agree. You know your managers. You have been a good employee and they would rather speak to her than lose you and any number of new people ... they’d lose a fortune in training and then people leaving.

I was in a similar situation.

One person lasted a day, another 3 months, I managed 4 months - then left without a job to go to... even said so in my resignation.

Since I left 3 others left

There’s only 5 positions in that office

TeddyGizmo · 06/08/2020 15:21

Christ on a bike, that made me stressed just reading it.

Ceriane · 06/08/2020 19:28

What really gets me is that she genuinely seems to think she’s right for doing it! And then manages to convince me I deserve it! I looked through my log and could see a clear pattern. End of April beginning of May, she started off all sweetness and light, then, 6 weeks after she was in post, there was some confusion (on her part) over one of our systems, due to a minor miscommunication (my fault but no massive deal) and she kicked off like a 2 year old. Showed her true colours. After that the dictatorship began and got progressively worse, I explained in writing our systems (thinking it would help) and she changed them all drastically and made them really confusing and unforgiving. As the days went on it just got worse and worse, and part of it is zero tolerance over minor mistakes but she tends to get 10 times worse when I do something well. The frustrating thing is she will try to convince everyone she can that I’m really incompetent!

OP posts:
wowfudge · 06/08/2020 19:42

You must speak to HR. She's pushing you out and building a case that you can't do the job in order to cement her position. She may have said some things rather than putting them in writing, but you can still report them. Nothing quite like someone squirming at what they've said being repeated back to them when it's not acceptable.

Sakura7 · 06/08/2020 19:57

Yeah you really need to do this OP. Maybe write out a summary of the top three issues you've had, with an example or two of each. Say that the behaviour is constant and it is placing you under severe pressure and impacting your health. Ask someone from HR if you can have a chat, and if you find it hard to go into detail on the spot just let them read your summary.

I know it's scary but I honestly think they'll be on your side here. Her behaviour is outrageous and they'll want to nip it in the bud.

Ceriane · 06/08/2020 20:18

Thank you. I think I will book an appointment and send them a summary, in confidence, in an attachment as I know I’ll freeze on the spot when asked to give examples.

OP posts:
wowfudge · 06/08/2020 20:21

I would keep the summary really brief and take with you a couple of copies of the details. Ideally you want a face to face meeting so that HR can see the effect this is having on you and also forewarned is forearmed - don't give the bully the heads up too soon. Keep it factual and unemotional, although you do need to say you are feeling stressed and pressurised by the behaviour being demonstrated towards you.

Ceriane · 06/08/2020 20:23

Thank you. Due to lockdown though it will all be Skype or Teams.

OP posts:
Frenchic · 06/08/2020 20:34

I think you need to be more afraid of her making a case against you and the consequences of that instead of being afraid of her and her behaviour.
The former could have an impact on your future career.
I would act asap with contacting HR before she does. It’s harder for the person who is on defensive with complaints to HR and you don’t want to be in that position.
Make a summary and contact HR, then have examples at the ready when they call you written out.

cameocat · 06/08/2020 20:42

You can use Teams as a good excuse to send them 'evidence' prior to meeting.

You also need to quote the I am god quote. Tell it how it is, that you acknowledge that she can argue a joke but that you don't think within the context this was appropriate.

You have so much evidence it is shocking. Don't worry if she 'makes a case against you', you have more than two years evidence of a competent employee.

BrewStarThanksCakeGinWine(keeping the options open as to what might make you feel better!)

cameocat · 06/08/2020 20:45

Sorry, also write notes before meeting, it is fine to use these to say what you need to / have examples.

Ask for advice on what to do and a way going forward. Expect them to need to go away and investigate. Remember to disprove actions and discussions and how it makes you feel. It isn't about whether you like her as a person, attack the actions not the person.

roking · 06/08/2020 20:53

This sounds horrendous OP.

Best of luck with HR

Ceriane · 06/08/2020 21:28

Thank you Cameocat. All of those things will make me feel better! Really worried that she could stop me getting another job now...

OP posts:
Sakura7 · 06/08/2020 21:45

You can do this OP, good luck and don't delay.

She can't stop you getting another job because a) you're going to stop her in her tracks by going to HR first and b) even if you did leave this job, I'm sure someone else from the company would give you a reference. Your old manager maybe (even if they've since moved). I did this to circumvent my nutcase boss and it worked out fine.

Ceriane · 06/08/2020 21:54

Thank you. I just don’t get why she’s making my life hell over minor things ☹️

OP posts:
Sakura7 · 06/08/2020 22:14

As infuriating as it is, there's no point trying to understand it, just take steps to protect yourself.

cameocat · 07/08/2020 06:56

She's making your life hell because she's probably out of depth and doesn't know how to manage people herself. This is not your fault, they recruited the wrong person.

wowfudge · 07/08/2020 07:03

I agree - this is down to her insecurity and lack of experience.

Parkandride · 07/08/2020 07:17

This is horrific I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, you have to escalate so I'm glad you're booking that meeting with HR