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Being bullied working from home

375 replies

Ceriane · 30/07/2020 02:47

So, I have been at my current job for 2 years and work with a really nice, friendly team. Have been working from home since March and quite enjoying it, no problems. However, in May we had a new line manager, and it didn’t take long for her to get her feet under the table. We were all really welcoming and settled her in, but after not very long she began running it like and absolute dictatorship and is making my life a living hell. We now have to log it on our screen if we leave our laptop for any reason such as to go to the loo or make a drink, and we are quizzed about it if it happens to be at a time she happened to want to ring us. We have to answer every e-mail she sends straight away (within seconds or she rings and asks why it hasn’t been answered) regardless of how many other emails we have or what else we might be working on and she is constantly emailing and ringing me. She has said that we have to log everything on a calendar for her to read as to exactly what we have been doing and when and will query it as though we are lying, if she sets a task she demands that you inform her how far you’ve got with it at the end of every hour and will ring me after about 15 minutes and accuse me of not doing it and say in a really creepy, deliberately intimidating sing song voice “if you have been working on this since 11.10am as your calendar suggests, then how come...” she will quibble down to the nanosecond everything you have said you’ve been working on on your calendar. A lot of our systems are shared and she seems to spend the entire day checking I’ve done what she has said straight away. I’m a well meaning person in my 30s and have never given her any reason to mistrust me. Every interaction I have with her she is really aggressive and quite abusive. You can’t relax for a second. She quizzes me on what time I started, we have to email her to let her know we have logged on. I can start any time between 8 and 9 and finish 8 hours later. If I send the email at 8.07 and then out of habit put 8.00am started working on such and such she rings me and I get the sing song voice “If you started at 8am as your calendar states how come I never had an email until 8.07?” She micromanages my every move! She has changed all our systems and made them unnecessarily complicated and she will check that you have followed every detail of this. If there is anything you have forgotten to do or been confused by she copies another more senior member of the team into the email detailing the errors and a lot of the time they are perceived errors because she has got confused. If you ask a question regarding any of her new systems she comes back aggressively with “we went through this yesterday, you said you understood. What is not clear?” If she asks you to do something and it takes longer than she thinks it should she rings and says”I’ve asked you to do such and such WHAT is the hold up?!” I’m fairly new to taking minutes, and in most jobs people say I’m really good at anything that involves writing. She doesn’t seem to understand why I can’t just ping them over to her an hour after the meeting and instead of commenting on the detail or if it’s well written she will say “not all of the bullet points were in a straight line, if this had have been for a bigger meeting there’s no way we’d have been able to send these out”. If she has been confused about one of our systems, she assumes I have got it wrong and when I’m in the middle of constructing an email back to her to explain the process, she will constantly email me asking why I haven’t e-mailed her back. I had to email her twice to say “can you just give me a minute, I’m looking into this” before sending her the big email explaining it. The list of examples goes on. She will accuse me of not attending meetings when she has got the time wrong or of not having my away sign on if I’m on my break when weirdly she always seems to need to “urgently” ring me at that time. She even went as far as to take a screenshot of it and sent it to a more senior manager. She just constantly rips me to shreds over things that I’ve previously had praise for in other jobs. She won’t let me decide how to plan my own workload or to jump to a different task to break it up a bit, if I do she speaks to me in the weird singsong voice again like she’s caught a wayward child doing something really naughty. I’m a grown adult with a flipping degree and a lot of experience, plus I’m well meaning and work really hard yet she makes me feel at best, incompetent and at worst like a criminal. I could go on and on there’s so many examples. My nerves are in shreds and she’s actually made me really ill. She’s never even worked in the office with us, she doesn’t know us, this has all been during the lockdown and working from home. She is by far the worst person I’ve ever worked with and to be honest ever met in my life! I just don’t know what to do!

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 03/08/2020 20:42

I'd be raising a grievance with HR straight away, you can't keep working under that sort of pressure and intimidation

Keepyourconversationsboring · 03/08/2020 20:43

I can completely understand your pain. I was micromanaged in a similar way (but pre COVID in an office) for years. Constantly questioned, blamed. It's completely exhausting & starts to affect every aspect of your life. Said micromanager has just made my role redundant. And my whole outlook, mental health, positivity on life has changed for the better...just on the basis I won't need to take shit from the micromanager anymore! Often wondered what their actual jobs are, other than being complete pestering fuckwits. Sending all the good wishes OP x

titnomatani · 03/08/2020 20:45

@Ceriane

She’s a nightmare!!! Today I had...If I ask you to do minutes, I want to be sure I’m gonna get them by the end of the day, and not 5 past bloody 4 when I’ve bloody well logged off!!!” These were well written, very detailed minutes that were 9 pages long that I did inform her that they were taking longer than I thought, in plenty of time. She also said “I need to see improvements! I’m a Band 6 and you’re a Band 4. If I want something done I want it yesterday! As far as your concerned I am God!!!!

Please tell me this is in writing???

Ceriane · 03/08/2020 20:46

Thank you all so much for your support! It’s strange that every time I speak to her on the phone I end up just going along with it, then I’m convinced it’s me. Then I think about it again later and think “hang on a second!” I’m going to go to HR as soon as I can with a full log of incidents!

OP posts:
BelleSausage · 03/08/2020 20:50

See if you can get more in writing from her. Along the lines of ‘can you just confirm our conversation earlier ...’

This is a great way to keep an evidence file on a bullying manager. I kept a file like this for years on one of my old heads of department.

Bloomburger · 03/08/2020 20:53

If it's the NHS and you're not a member of your union become one today.

Lozza70 · 03/08/2020 21:13

What is happening to you is horrific and if a member of my team was doing that to someone they line managed I would want to know. Sounds like she is incredibly insecure.
Hopefully she is still on probation, and you should be asked for feedback before her role is confirmed. Either way reiterate previous answers. Make notes and records of the time she is consuming in your day. Try and get some of the more ridiculous demands in writing from her to support. But please do something as soon as possible and speak to her line manager.

cameocat · 03/08/2020 21:15

I cannot believe she said that. (And I don't mean I don't believe you). Was it on the phone - please start recording these conversations. She's intimidating and bullying you. Straight to HR with all the evidence.

Ohfredcomeon · 03/08/2020 21:25

We have an office and I know my dh and his partner would be mortified if one of our line managers were talking to a member of staff that way.

Tomorrow morning speak to HR and tell them its now effecting you’re mental health. I wonder if she was like this in her other job? Our industry is very close knit and we usually know what a candidate is like before we interview them.

Hope you get this sorted.

Smallgoon · 03/08/2020 21:49

@Ceriane

Thanks for your responses. I do plan to keep a log and go to HR and also her line manager who I’m sure by now is regretting choosing her for the role. She came into the job after the girl they originally appointed let us down at the last minute, so they employed the next person with the most points at interview, she may not even have been 2nd choice, she could have been 3rd or 4th for all I know. She has only been with us for 2 months! Within the team she only manages me and one other person, within the wider team they have other line managers. I think she thinks she’s the manager of the whole place. I feel that if this were happening in the office, and other people heard it, they would have something to say, because it’s just not a bullying type of culture. I just worry, in light of one OP asking if I was under disciplinary, is people’s first assumption going to be that I’ve done something wrong and brought this on myself, as I absolutely haven’t. We’ve done everything we can to settle her in. The only thing I’ve done is to find some of her new processes confusing (which she created off the back of me typing out and explaining our existing ones to her). She wants me to make mistakes, she takes absolute glee in copying every tiny thing in an email to a more senior member of the team! She emails and rings constantly when I’m trying to concentrate and get stuff done to the point where I can’t think clearly to don’t job and I’m having to second guess my every move.
In fairness, after reading your very detailed first post, my initial thoughts were not that you may be under a disciplinary of some kind. My exact thoughts were that you are being micro-managed by a complete horror of a manager, who clearly has no management skills whatsoever!

What she is doing absolutely is bullying. Keep a log. If it doesn't get any better, I'd suggest you have a call with her where you lay bear the issues and help her to understand that her management style is counter-productive. Be honest, let her know that if she continues in this vein, she will make you ill.

If nothing changes, your next move is to contact her line manager/HR. Generally speaking, I would try to have the conversation with her first. I know that's not easy, but she may actually appreciate you approaching her directly, rather than going straight to her line manager. She may also realise the error of her ways (I know that sounds unlikely, but you never know) and she may adapt her style, meaning you both have a good working relationship.

I would have the conversation sooner rather than later. If she's new, she's still under probation, so I would suggest it's better to escalate this sooner (after you have spoken to her) rather than later.

Good luck. She sounds like a nightmare, and I can only imagine how awful this must be for you.

BluebellsGreenbells · 03/08/2020 22:31

OP

You must take the emotion out of this - you need to detach so you can deal with the issue.

Think of this as a meeting on behalf of a friend, so you don’t feel like crying or getting upset.

Then make some notes,

Manager suggested ‘she’s god’ I wonder if you could clarify?
Manager rang x8 about X suggesting I’m not production, how do you suggest we resolve this issue?
Make sentences

Tick then off as you go along
Then follow up in writing ‘just to clarify’ I mention x y z and you suggested a b and c with a follow up meeting in x days time.

I will consult with my union rep so we are on the same page

BluebellsGreenbells · 03/08/2020 22:35

And it’s doesn’t need to be confrontational.

Think of it as seeking clarification and asking for their opinion, not a Fault/non fault, situation with a winner v loser.

Be professional, business like. Oh and very much, I all the way

I am unhappy with
I feel undervalued
I am upset when

Etc

This way you aren’t mud slinging -

Cordial11 · 03/08/2020 23:11

Get to HR asap!

If she's been there 2 Months she will be in probation and hopefully they might just cut her loose.

Is the God comment in writing? You could say your offended by this as religious discrimination. Clutching at straws abit but it's true. You COULD NOT say this to someone highly religious.

BluebellsGreenbells · 04/08/2020 10:33

How are you OP?

Feeling any stronger

Ceriane · 04/08/2020 21:10

Thank you so much for all your support! I will let you all know how this situation resolves itself!

OP posts:
Bemorechicken · 05/08/2020 18:36

@Ceriane

She’s a nightmare!!! Today I had...If I ask you to do minutes, I want to be sure I’m gonna get them by the end of the day, and not 5 past bloody 4 when I’ve bloody well logged off!!!” These were well written, very detailed minutes that were 9 pages long that I did inform her that they were taking longer than I thought, in plenty of time. She also said “I need to see improvements! I’m a Band 6 and you’re a Band 4. If I want something done I want it yesterday! As far as your concerned I am God!!!!
Oh my giddy aunt. You need HR now. It was me who asked about the disciplinary. NOT because I thought you had done ANYTHING wrong but the only time I have observed someone behaving as she is (And in no way was I was saying it was right -the way she is)- was a case where someone was placed on capability and he was the new line manager and he thought that a capability meant micromanagement and grief for the person involved. He the end was sacked for bullying etc -the manager and not the person on capability. That was the only reason I asked.

But you have made it VERY clear the issue is totally with her. The comment about "I am God" -etc -she needs flipping sacking asap. Hopefully you can take your log to her line manager asap. The quicker they know the quicker they can deal with her. Under a trial period etc. Hope you had a better day today. I'm sorry if my earlier messages caused you upset and stress that was not my intention. Flowers

Sakura7 · 05/08/2020 19:14

Honestly OP you need to take this to HR right now. I've been in a similar situation (though not as extreme as yours) and I know it's hard to do it, but it's either that or you'll have a nervous breakdown. Nobody would be able to cope with her, you are 100% in the right here.

I know it's scary but please do it ASAP.

Ceriane · 05/08/2020 19:23

Thanks BeMoreChicken!

I have made a log. Have still not plucked up the courage to go to HR (stupid I know). Think I’m scared of repercussions.

Thank you all for your responses.

OP posts:
EnjoyingTheSilence · 05/08/2020 19:25

Did she write that @Ceriane? (I am god)

cameocat · 05/08/2020 19:27

Don't be scared please OP.

Well done for keeping a log. Can you email HR and ask for an appointment for advice. If you start with it need help on how to handle this situation and discuss whether there is company policy/guidance on management'. You don't have to go in with a complaint. Start from there.

Ceriane · 05/08/2020 19:37

Thank you.

Unfortunately she didn’t write it. When she said it it was (I think) supposed to be a half joke (but she obviously meant it) the same as when she always says “I want this done and when I want something done I want it like yesterday”. My other colleague that she manages gave a really nervous laugh and said “ha ha yesterday” in a really nervy sounding voice before apologising profusely for taking so long with her minutes and for a technical problem accessing one of our systems. Her voice was shaking the whole time. It’s just ridiculous that she can come in and reduce grown people to this!

However she weirdly seemed to have had a visit from the 3 spirits today....may be the calm before the storm?

OP posts:
Caselgarcia · 05/08/2020 19:38

I think I would go to HR with a simple query as to the planned time frame for returning to the office to work
I would tell them that working from home isn't working out so well as you are spending far too long responding to your managers constant communication as to how you are managing your workload. Tell them your are having to account for every minute of your time which isn't the best use of your working hours

Ceriane · 05/08/2020 19:42

Thank you. I liked working from home till she came along. Don’t want to go back to the office any time soon, and hope to have another job lined up by the time we do.

OP posts:
nancybotwinbloom · 05/08/2020 19:57

Start documenting it op.

You can't live/work in those conditions.

If you were to have to leave because of this it would be constructive dismissal.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/work/leaving-a-job/dismissal/claiming-constructive-dismissal/

cameocat · 05/08/2020 19:57

@Ceriane I work in a very stressful job and your posts have made me feel horrendous. This woman needs sorting, you cannot treat people this way. I recommended you go to HR for advice for your own well being rather than because I didn't think you had grounds for bullying/ a complaint (sorry I wanted to make this quite clear).

The fact you have worked well previously both pre and during lockdown will work in your favour.

Good luck.