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Being bullied working from home

375 replies

Ceriane · 30/07/2020 02:47

So, I have been at my current job for 2 years and work with a really nice, friendly team. Have been working from home since March and quite enjoying it, no problems. However, in May we had a new line manager, and it didn’t take long for her to get her feet under the table. We were all really welcoming and settled her in, but after not very long she began running it like and absolute dictatorship and is making my life a living hell. We now have to log it on our screen if we leave our laptop for any reason such as to go to the loo or make a drink, and we are quizzed about it if it happens to be at a time she happened to want to ring us. We have to answer every e-mail she sends straight away (within seconds or she rings and asks why it hasn’t been answered) regardless of how many other emails we have or what else we might be working on and she is constantly emailing and ringing me. She has said that we have to log everything on a calendar for her to read as to exactly what we have been doing and when and will query it as though we are lying, if she sets a task she demands that you inform her how far you’ve got with it at the end of every hour and will ring me after about 15 minutes and accuse me of not doing it and say in a really creepy, deliberately intimidating sing song voice “if you have been working on this since 11.10am as your calendar suggests, then how come...” she will quibble down to the nanosecond everything you have said you’ve been working on on your calendar. A lot of our systems are shared and she seems to spend the entire day checking I’ve done what she has said straight away. I’m a well meaning person in my 30s and have never given her any reason to mistrust me. Every interaction I have with her she is really aggressive and quite abusive. You can’t relax for a second. She quizzes me on what time I started, we have to email her to let her know we have logged on. I can start any time between 8 and 9 and finish 8 hours later. If I send the email at 8.07 and then out of habit put 8.00am started working on such and such she rings me and I get the sing song voice “If you started at 8am as your calendar states how come I never had an email until 8.07?” She micromanages my every move! She has changed all our systems and made them unnecessarily complicated and she will check that you have followed every detail of this. If there is anything you have forgotten to do or been confused by she copies another more senior member of the team into the email detailing the errors and a lot of the time they are perceived errors because she has got confused. If you ask a question regarding any of her new systems she comes back aggressively with “we went through this yesterday, you said you understood. What is not clear?” If she asks you to do something and it takes longer than she thinks it should she rings and says”I’ve asked you to do such and such WHAT is the hold up?!” I’m fairly new to taking minutes, and in most jobs people say I’m really good at anything that involves writing. She doesn’t seem to understand why I can’t just ping them over to her an hour after the meeting and instead of commenting on the detail or if it’s well written she will say “not all of the bullet points were in a straight line, if this had have been for a bigger meeting there’s no way we’d have been able to send these out”. If she has been confused about one of our systems, she assumes I have got it wrong and when I’m in the middle of constructing an email back to her to explain the process, she will constantly email me asking why I haven’t e-mailed her back. I had to email her twice to say “can you just give me a minute, I’m looking into this” before sending her the big email explaining it. The list of examples goes on. She will accuse me of not attending meetings when she has got the time wrong or of not having my away sign on if I’m on my break when weirdly she always seems to need to “urgently” ring me at that time. She even went as far as to take a screenshot of it and sent it to a more senior manager. She just constantly rips me to shreds over things that I’ve previously had praise for in other jobs. She won’t let me decide how to plan my own workload or to jump to a different task to break it up a bit, if I do she speaks to me in the weird singsong voice again like she’s caught a wayward child doing something really naughty. I’m a grown adult with a flipping degree and a lot of experience, plus I’m well meaning and work really hard yet she makes me feel at best, incompetent and at worst like a criminal. I could go on and on there’s so many examples. My nerves are in shreds and she’s actually made me really ill. She’s never even worked in the office with us, she doesn’t know us, this has all been during the lockdown and working from home. She is by far the worst person I’ve ever worked with and to be honest ever met in my life! I just don’t know what to do!

OP posts:
ChikiTIKI · 07/08/2020 07:39

Wow I am surprised she is a band 6, I was expecting at least 8a. I have worked with people like this... Its not on is it.

There's no way you should be under this level of stress in any role, and not a band 4 role.

Keep a log and include time wasted on constant check-ins etc.

I was in a similar situation to you, I was a band 7, she was an 8b. It made me quite unwell but thankfully she quit when I was thinking I had no other choice to do the same.

She used to scold me like a naughty child. Constant gaslighting. Utterly utterly horrible woman.

Hope you can escape soon...

QualityFeet · 07/08/2020 08:27

You sound in danger of not acting. Don’t put it off. Everyday it continues ways into your sense of normal and gives her more time to create a narrative about your incompetence.

Speak to the other person she manages. Either they are having an awful time too or she is only doing this to you. Either is useful to know as evidence of her incompetence or as pure bullying.

Speak to HR and move this forward. It’s horrid to meet people who behave so appallingly, especially when you wouldn’t and when previous managers have been good. You do need to be able to deal with it though and the faster it is shut down the better. It puts you back in control and if you decided to leave you won’t have to use her for your reference.

Good luck - be brave

Ceriane · 07/08/2020 20:58

And...she’s gone on annual leave!!! In the meantime I’ve booked an appointment to talk to HR.

OP posts:
SamsMumsCateracts · 08/08/2020 10:07

Enjoy the peace while she's away, although having had managers like her in the past, annual leave might not stop her checking in. Good luck with HR.

Ceriane · 08/08/2020 12:02

Thank you! Wouldn’t surprise me!

OP posts:
Happynow001 · 10/08/2020 02:29

Hi @Ceriane

I'm sorry you are having such a terrible time. Hopefully this can be sorted out with HR and your manager's manager. What a shame she didn't encourage you more as you and your other colleague who reports to her would have made her look good in her new role as line manager. Short sighted, and a good opportunity missed.

A PP mentioned this:

*Also ensure you have copies of every single email where she has reprimanded you, or copied in a senior manager etc.

Also start writing down a log of every single phone call, dates and times.*

Which is an excellent idea both to focus your mind on the next steps, and also for evidence at the meeting(s) you'll be having to sort this out. I'd suggest that you also email (using "bcc") to your personal email address (to keep that copy confidential to you) and just in case you need those records later but unable to access your work computer, for any reason.

You might also want to have copies, at that meeting, of your past performance reviews available as more evidence of your efficiency and capabilities. Ensure you have personal copies of those too, on your personal email account.

Additionally, if you have a union but not signed up yet, I'd really recommend you joining ASAP, as they may well be a source of advice and support for you. If not in this instance, then at any other times you may need their help. You might be able to have them at your meeting - but do speak to union representative. Hopefully the information will be in your joining pack or on your intranet site. Otherwise speak to someone you know you can trust for that information.

At the meeting take calm breaths to steady your nerves and take your time in putting your points over clearly and concisely.

I hope all goes well - it would be a shame to leave a job you do well and were happy doing. Good luck. 🌹

Ceriane · 27/08/2020 18:35

So, I’ve been to HR, they’ve just told me to keep a log, which I have been doing, I’ve looked into joining the union and I have spoken to a couple of other colleagues about the situation who were supportive. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to her line manager and I’m kicking myself as I had chance when she was on annual leave. I don’t know what stopped me, and now I think she has her on her side. Meanwhile she is getting worse and worse, she really has it in for me for some reason and I am trying so hard. I’m really worried that she is going to go down the capability route, I just feel like I really don’t know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
mummymummymummummum · 27/08/2020 20:30

Nothing worse than being bullied at work. I've been there, it made me so so ill.

How long have you been keeping the log for? I'd suggest taking it to HR after a week or so, because by the sounds of it there will be plenty of examples.

Just fire it off in an email. At least you don't have to traipse into their office at the moment..

Thanks
Ceriane · 27/08/2020 21:00

I think I’m just going to send it all to HR. Late May this started and I’ve kept the log since then.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 28/08/2020 00:32
Thanks
Aridane · 28/08/2020 00:47

Awful, just awful

Ceriane · 28/08/2020 20:59

Ugh.... the report she sent to occupational health when they relayed it to me....so horrible!

OP posts:
windthatbobbin · 29/08/2020 00:02

Stay strong. This kind of thing is so draining. Be as clear and factual as you can be, and take strength from us and your rl friends in the meantime. You obviously shattered her fragile ego somewhere along the way.

Ceriane · 29/08/2020 15:00

Had a conversation with her yesterday, as over the last week she has increasingly made my life a mystery and it’s wrecking my confidence and making me question myself and the way I do things etc (I can only do my best and I always take constructive criticism on board) and it was like she’d had a visit from the three spirits, she said that I clearly work really hard and I have a good attitude etc... and it’s not a performance issue, she said she had come from an office where she had to manage a team of people and a lot of them were really lazy and had a bad attitude and just didn’t want to work and I think this may be why she has come into the job all guns blazing etc...but then when I had my occupational health assessment and he relayed what she had written it was just soul destroying.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 29/08/2020 15:28

What on Earth has been said to OH???

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/08/2020 15:36

Did you challenge whatever it was she said to OH?

Is it easily refutable?

FunkSoulBrother · 29/08/2020 15:42

This is absolutely awful OP, please keep going and I hope you get some much needed support, its bloody disgusting Sad

xoxogossipgirl2020 · 29/08/2020 15:56

Christ op this sounds awful. I’d be kicking up a serious fuss about this

Spudina · 29/08/2020 16:06

I think her about turn is because she knows she could be in trouble. Do not be fooled if she suddenly becomes all nice with you. Sorry if I missed it, but did you speak to the other person she manages specifically? She could be an ally. I never trust HR. In my eyes they are there to protect the organisation from you. But OH on the other hand are there to protect you. Can you arrange to meet with them and tell them everything you have put here? Keep collecting the evidence. The managers she keeps copying in are going to get sick of this. She is unwittingly giving them evidence of her failure as a manager. I agree if you give her enough rope she will hang herself. Question is how long can you hold on for. Don’t let this bitch drive you out of a job you like. X

Ceriane · 29/08/2020 19:03

She referred me to occupational health as I do have chronic fatigue and a few other health issues and in light of the errors I did make when getting used to her new ever increasingly complicated process. I did mention that I had been having some bad days health wise so that was the reason for the referral. So during the session the OH Dr asked about the health side and we talked about that, and then moved onto what my line manager had written, and he said “I know this may be uncomfortable to hear, but I’m just relaying what she has written” and it was all about “Ceri is struggling to follow processes, has difficulty retaining information and then there was something about me failing to communicate effectively. Now I don’t completely disagree with all of it, although hard to hear...She did completely change the processes and made them completely confusing, but I am now used to them and this has improved a lot. There was a lot of changes and information all at once and yes, because of my health issues I do have a diagnosed condition that genuinely does cause me a problem retaining information. I am fully aware of this...I live with it and try to work around it as best I can, which is challenging enough without being bullied so it’s not so much this I’m up in arms about but the bit about communication. I feel that I’m communicating constantly, I email her or phone her several times a day to let her know where I’m at with things, and if I have questions I always ask. I have no problems communicating with her or anyone else verbally, or through phone calls and I very often send detailed emails explaining things that we are working on. If anything I think I communicate well! She has mentioned this because she wants me to report back constantly...it’s never enough! For example we have been working on a spreadsheet and there were supposed to be several of us working on it, herself included, however the other girl who was supposed to be working on it has been off (not her fault) and her lady ship has apparently been too busy (sorting out the Christmas annual leave FFS was apparently more important than helping me being as she was so concerned about the completely unrealistic deadline date), yet she completely went up the wall because I’d stopped to answer a couple of 2 second emails when this spreadsheet where I’m having to source information from various places (I won’t go into the details of what the spreadsheet was for here) but even though I have been giving her daily updates on how far I was with the spreadsheet and working on it constantly she wanted me to have let her know how close or not close to meeting the deadline I was days before, even though she’d previously told me to let her know by Wednesday lunchtime (and I’d been updating her the whole time) because of this she said I’d failed to communicate sooner the issues I had meeting the deadline (any idiot could see that deadline was impossible!) so I just ploughed through seeing how far I could get, didn’t think it would just be me working on it and didn’t think it was any big deal! But anyone reading what she’d written to occupational health would think I was terrible at my job, someone who didn’t communicate etc. I did explain to the occupational health dr that I felt my health issues are under control (as did he) and that if anything was impacting on my work it was stress! He then went down the line of ruling out mental health issues or problems at home and then said “do you think it could just be that you can’t do the job” and I felt so patronised, like he’d read that made assumptions that I was just thick! Which I’m not I have strengths and weaknesses like everyone else and I think most people when their nerves are being shot to pieces by a bullying line manager would end up making errors.

OP posts:
Ceriane · 29/08/2020 19:43

However I have spoken to other colleagues about the situation and one colleague rang me yesterday as she’s had similar issues and she has said that an inquest is going to happen and that senior HR people and the head of staff welfare for the whole company is involved. She has been badgering HR a lot, and several people within the team have made complaints, about management in general in our bit of the company, members of staff feeling under undue pressure and people seemingly being paid to do nothing but micromanage and scrutinise the rest of us who are doing all the work, while they have nothing else to do. It isn’t specifically about my line manager although her name was brought into it, maybe that’s why she had a visit from the 3 spirits the other day. The colleague basically said “questions are going to be asked”

OP posts:
malificent7 · 30/08/2020 11:18

Life is too short.find something else and leave ...even things like cleaning ( which I enjoyed) don't sound like ' good ' jobs but for a reasonable rate you can be your own boss and leave your work at home!

Redcups64 · 30/08/2020 11:39

Wow, just wow.

Your a full functioning adult, she seems to have somehow made you forget this.

Stick up for yourself for crying out loud. Don’t apologise for being ill or the results of your managers actions.

Stop saying sorry!

Redcups64 · 30/08/2020 11:42

“do you think it could just be that you can’t do the job”

I can do the job. The manager constantly and unnecessarily going at anyone the rate she does would obviously always cause negatives for any person...don’t you agree?

That should have been your answer.

Redcups64 · 30/08/2020 11:45

I wouldn’t keep sending emails back to her constantly either. Your not a puppy. When asked why not just say “I’m working so don’t have time, no idea how you manage to find time to constantly send unnecessary emails to me, is it not busy your end?