Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Being bullied working from home

375 replies

Ceriane · 30/07/2020 02:47

So, I have been at my current job for 2 years and work with a really nice, friendly team. Have been working from home since March and quite enjoying it, no problems. However, in May we had a new line manager, and it didn’t take long for her to get her feet under the table. We were all really welcoming and settled her in, but after not very long she began running it like and absolute dictatorship and is making my life a living hell. We now have to log it on our screen if we leave our laptop for any reason such as to go to the loo or make a drink, and we are quizzed about it if it happens to be at a time she happened to want to ring us. We have to answer every e-mail she sends straight away (within seconds or she rings and asks why it hasn’t been answered) regardless of how many other emails we have or what else we might be working on and she is constantly emailing and ringing me. She has said that we have to log everything on a calendar for her to read as to exactly what we have been doing and when and will query it as though we are lying, if she sets a task she demands that you inform her how far you’ve got with it at the end of every hour and will ring me after about 15 minutes and accuse me of not doing it and say in a really creepy, deliberately intimidating sing song voice “if you have been working on this since 11.10am as your calendar suggests, then how come...” she will quibble down to the nanosecond everything you have said you’ve been working on on your calendar. A lot of our systems are shared and she seems to spend the entire day checking I’ve done what she has said straight away. I’m a well meaning person in my 30s and have never given her any reason to mistrust me. Every interaction I have with her she is really aggressive and quite abusive. You can’t relax for a second. She quizzes me on what time I started, we have to email her to let her know we have logged on. I can start any time between 8 and 9 and finish 8 hours later. If I send the email at 8.07 and then out of habit put 8.00am started working on such and such she rings me and I get the sing song voice “If you started at 8am as your calendar states how come I never had an email until 8.07?” She micromanages my every move! She has changed all our systems and made them unnecessarily complicated and she will check that you have followed every detail of this. If there is anything you have forgotten to do or been confused by she copies another more senior member of the team into the email detailing the errors and a lot of the time they are perceived errors because she has got confused. If you ask a question regarding any of her new systems she comes back aggressively with “we went through this yesterday, you said you understood. What is not clear?” If she asks you to do something and it takes longer than she thinks it should she rings and says”I’ve asked you to do such and such WHAT is the hold up?!” I’m fairly new to taking minutes, and in most jobs people say I’m really good at anything that involves writing. She doesn’t seem to understand why I can’t just ping them over to her an hour after the meeting and instead of commenting on the detail or if it’s well written she will say “not all of the bullet points were in a straight line, if this had have been for a bigger meeting there’s no way we’d have been able to send these out”. If she has been confused about one of our systems, she assumes I have got it wrong and when I’m in the middle of constructing an email back to her to explain the process, she will constantly email me asking why I haven’t e-mailed her back. I had to email her twice to say “can you just give me a minute, I’m looking into this” before sending her the big email explaining it. The list of examples goes on. She will accuse me of not attending meetings when she has got the time wrong or of not having my away sign on if I’m on my break when weirdly she always seems to need to “urgently” ring me at that time. She even went as far as to take a screenshot of it and sent it to a more senior manager. She just constantly rips me to shreds over things that I’ve previously had praise for in other jobs. She won’t let me decide how to plan my own workload or to jump to a different task to break it up a bit, if I do she speaks to me in the weird singsong voice again like she’s caught a wayward child doing something really naughty. I’m a grown adult with a flipping degree and a lot of experience, plus I’m well meaning and work really hard yet she makes me feel at best, incompetent and at worst like a criminal. I could go on and on there’s so many examples. My nerves are in shreds and she’s actually made me really ill. She’s never even worked in the office with us, she doesn’t know us, this has all been during the lockdown and working from home. She is by far the worst person I’ve ever worked with and to be honest ever met in my life! I just don’t know what to do!

OP posts:
Ceriane · 11/11/2020 17:30

Thank you...just carrying on with this nightmare until I get another job and can leave.

OP posts:
AHobbyaweek · 11/11/2020 20:53

Is it still better or has it got worse again?

Ceriane · 11/11/2020 21:39

It’s been absolutely horrendous over the last two weeks, it’s making me physically ill and causing me mental distress. I just want to leave now.

OP posts:
justilou1 · 12/11/2020 11:50

I am sorry that she is still going for you, @Ceriane... Do you not have any union cover?

RhymesWithOrange · 12/11/2020 13:41

Please go back to HR or a more senior manager. Why should you be bullied like this?

Ceriane · 12/11/2020 16:46

I will do. This isn’t what work should be like.

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 14/11/2020 17:25

Please copy in or forward every email she sends you to her manager and HR. Then they will see the extent of what she is doing.

JLQ1020 · 14/11/2020 19:31

So Wfh is really difficult for people right now and it is awful that you are having this experience. I sounds to me that she has your cards marked for some reason. I would recommend you don't have your 121s without a HR rep in the meeting which is your right to ask if you feel that you have a potential of being bullied. I would prep your 121 before hand and send to your manager with evidence. It's totally unacceptable for her to be contacting you so often. U need to protect yourself. U can record your meetings without her knowledge on the phone.

Birdsong111 · 14/11/2020 20:49

This is like my old ‘boss’. I use the term loosely because she was a total cow and was behaving like this to bully, and undermine me. I ended up on ADs because of her. Is she like to other staff or just to you? For your own sanity I would look for any opportunity to leave. I managed to move jobs. The moment I left the old team I felt like a new person but I am still trying to get over what I went through in the old team.

Birdsong111 · 14/11/2020 20:51

And be careful with HR. In my experience they will side with the manager.

ChikiTIKI · 14/11/2020 21:04

Don't be afraid to take sick leave to get some space and apply for new jobs with a fresh mind. Don't let this person make you ill.

justilou1 · 14/11/2020 23:19

I think you need an email about her behaviour from HR ASAP, and then use this to seek legal advice about your employment conditions atm. This can’t go on.

Ceriane · 15/11/2020 09:13

Thank you. She was like it in her old job, several people went to HR and went off with work related stress, she openly admitted this to me. Just want to go off sick as this has triggered a health condition that I have really badly. 😥

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 15/11/2020 09:16

You need to keep pestering HR and her boss with her emails. They will realise just how OTT she is.

If you don't they won't understand how bad she is.

Seriously - send EVERY email she sends you, and let them know it is making you ill.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 15/11/2020 09:31

Sounds like your HR meeting was virtual?
Have you seen minutes of the meeting ? Please request a copy of the HR notes?
Did you take notes? Please make sure you write them up?
Are you in union or an organisation which has one?

The thread is enormous so I'm sorry I've only read the start and end but I would see this as a precursor to a formal grievance process. Most people would have raised a formal one by now and I'd encourage you to do this.

I had to arbitrate on one last year before lockdown and it nearly gave me a breakdown just dealing with it. Ffing thousands of emails to review, all low level bullying and passive aggressive stuff. When the process started formally the line manager backed off totally but it was obvious it moved to a more sophisticated comment/passive aggressive level copying in line mgmt every time there was a perceived fault.

Stick with it but make sure HR are doing their jobs. Read up on process, they can often be trying to keep the peace rather than stepping up and dealing with a bully properly. And usually have a lot to do to be fair to them. They should have seriously looked to move you if there are similar roles elsewhere.

Ceriane · 15/11/2020 09:35

Thank you

OP posts:
WTF99 · 15/11/2020 11:22

OP, it's not acceptable for you to be treated this way. Noone should have to feel this way through going to work.
Have you got union representation yet? Please do, as they will steer you through the HR processes and be present in meetings to support you.
Given that this doesn't seem to be getting any better, you seem to have little option but to raise a complaint under your Dignity at Work policy, although sometimes mediation can be helpful prior to this, if your Trust has it available.
If you raise a formal complaint it has to be investigated, usually by a senior manager from a different area of work. You will have the opportunity to state your case, with support from your union rep, though of course, your manager will also be interviewed to put their side of the case. This will then be reported to the senior manager in your area of work for a decision as to outcome. You have the right to appeal any decision if you're not happy with it.
Apologies if you've already gone down this route....I've only skimmed the thread.
If you decide to have this formally investigated, I would consider asking for a temporary redeployment whilst the investigation is ongoing. That's not an unreasonable request.
In the meanwhile, if your health is suffering, I would definitely see your GP to see whether some time off might be helpful. You can also request a further consultation with occupational health, and make sure you make it clear that workplace stress arising out of the behavior of your manager is the cause of your difficulties. Occi health will make recommendations as to what needs to happen to maintain your health, so you should think about discussing with them redeployment as a possibility, even if only temporary.
A lot of trusts also have confidential counselling and support services available to staff which you might find useful to help you decide what to do, and just to not feel so alone with it. Details should be on your internal website, often in the occii health pages.
Or of course you could leave and get another job, which is what a lot of people do in this kind of situation because they dont want the additional stress of going through an HR process. Its not right but it is a reality, and in the end you have to decide what is best for you.
Hope this is helpful and I really hope it works out for you.

justilou1 · 15/11/2020 11:36

@Ceriane - do you have home insurance? I just read on another thread about someone who was able to access a solicitor who specialized in employment law through their home insurance. (This was after things went to shit with their work, but it is worth looking into now, and if you are concerned that you are being pushed and MAY have a case for constructive dismissal/discrimination or anything, I would look into getting home insurance with this kind of benefit if you don’t have it already.)

Ceriane · 15/11/2020 19:39

Thank you. I’m going through occupational health etc and have a union rep who was really quite shocked!

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 15/11/2020 19:49

Excellent. Keep passing the emails on to everyone concerned. The sheer volume of them should annoy them so much that will be bound to do something about it. We are all rooting for you.

Worriedaboutcovid19 · 15/11/2020 20:16

Stay strong OP and back yourself. She is a bullying. Keep standing firm. At the end of the day its bloody difficult to sack someone in the NHS which works in your favour. So speak more freely and stand up for yourself!

She already treating you like shit so you've got nothing to lose by being a boss bitch!!

Ceriane · 16/11/2020 18:51

Thank you.

OP posts:
PerpendicularVincent · 16/11/2020 19:45

How did it go today, Ceriane?

For the sake of your health, you have to start pushing back. Don't tolerate any of this.

Ceriane · 16/11/2020 19:53

She’s been okay today tbh pretty much left me to it.

OP posts:
justilou1 · 18/11/2020 02:36

Wonder how long this will last. (Also wonder what was said?!?’)