Gender Critical guy - How can I help the cause?

[MyShyCat]

Hoping that the amazing women of Mumsnet can help me. I am firmly in the Gender Critical camp. I peaked many years ago after the birth of my daughter. I simply got to the point where I couldn't ignore the craziness that we were all being expected to accept. Amazing women on Youtube like Magdalen Berns, Posie Parker, Helen Joyce, Jo Bartosch, Arielle Scarcella and Kathleen Stock were able to perfectly articulate all the thoughts that were flying around my head.

Like many of us I have watched with horror as bit by bit the rights of women and girls have been systematically dismantled. There have undoubtedly been successes on our journey back to reality but Sall Grover's defeat the other day has really made me wobble.

My problem is I not sure what to do to help the cause. I feel like I should be more vocal or active - not exactly Bill Board Chris levels of "being out there" but I think I need to actually be a bit braver and make my voice heard.

If anyone has any suggestions as to how a 53 year-old father of a teenage girl can take a more active role in this fight, then I would love to hear more.

I'm not sure I can just carry on watching youtube clips and tutting anymore! All suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I WOULD RATHER BE RUDE THAN A "F**KING LIAR."

Youre a complete nut job 🤣 emailing a random gym 4 times about trans rights. Let me guess they haven’t even responded.

I did it because in a sea of positive comments to the first thread that I had started in ages - your very first post stood out as being really negative.

It reminded me of some of the students I had worked with. Loads of attitude and very, very abrupt.

I also wasn't ready to hear about your background. I can't imagine what that was like to live through but reading it in a thread where I thought I was just asking for advice was a little jaring.

Do you think we could just start again?

You do want women to do the work for you though. And I may have been blunt, but I was nowhere near as rude as you were to me.

also. Wtf was the creepy secret reactions about, when I had asked you not to? I’d already disclosed my rape, why did you do that? And having been called out once, why did you then do it again?

you’re not much of an ally if you trample all over women’s clearly stated boundaries.

Right? It's insidious but also such a common male trait I don't even find it surprising which is sad. Sorry to fill the thread calling it out every time but it's exactly the time of creepy male behaviour where they rely on people not calling them out for it. Although apparently it's warranted if women are negative and abrupt - we're obviously meant to be noticeably thrilled to just bask and listen to any man who shows up here. Oh and likening to students too! I'm sure expecting women to be kind, gently spoken and infantilizing them is some kind of misogynists bingo card..🤔

I don't see why asking a man to look internally first is blunt or rude or deserving of being harassed? In fact OPs reaction to that suggestion shows exactly why men need to look at themselves primarily before they can fix other men. "I heart reacted to your rape because you weren't positive enough about me" is exactly an example of how entrenched misogyny is in all men when it can be so easily triggered.

Absolutely how I feel.

and the apology is it was your fault because

I'm trying to understand.

I tend not to go onto forums at all. (Especially not a Feminist one.) I don't know if this the right place for a man - I don't think I should be here but I can't think of what else to do.

In the past 18 years since my daughter was born, the world has gone mad. I have gone from an "ally" wearing rainbow laces to show students I cared, to "drop the T" no force teaming and beyond. My original post was prompted by Sall Grover's latest set back in the courts.

My thought was "if she can't make headway against this madness then how the hell can anyone else?"

I'm feeling quite pessimistic at the moment. I am really, really worried about single sex spaces, womens sport and VAWG. Those topics don't directly effect me but I see it in the eyes of my 78 year-old mum who can't refuse to being intimately cared for by a TIM nurse, or my wife who has to choose very carefully which toilet she uses at work or my daughter who wants to go to the "Female only" gym but finds it populated with Trans Women. Men do feel the ripple effects of all of this in their lives too.

I don't really understand what you mean when you say "you just want women to do your work."
I've been on this journey too.

I just need help in deciding which way to go from here.

You still haven’t answered me. That’s just a word Salad of poor me.

Women do the work for me is what you say you don’t understand.

your first post on a female dominated forum was (paraphrase) tell me what to do and where to go. Find the links and information for me.

None of that explains why, after I had drawn a boundary and asked you not to do something, you ignored my no and carried on and did it again.

Because you kept coming back. You kept coming back. You could have simply moved onto another thread but you kept coming back.

Thats why.

So if a woman says no and calls you out you’re just going to carry on overstepping her boundary anyway.

so you’re actually not sorry at all. As far as you’re concerned it’s my fault.

you really aren’t an ally.

That doesn't explain why you kept putting creepy reactions on Taztoy's posts that only she can see. After she'd asked you to stop. Why did you do that? It's very similar to the TiMs continuing to invade women's spaces after being told no. Can you not see the similarity?

It does explain it though.

I challenged him and didn’t back down, I publicly called him out so therefore he decided to ignore my no. And continue to behave in a way he knew had made me sick and had me shaking. and now he’s saying it was my fault because I did t go away quietly.

Taztoy. I'm going to bow out here. I'm not sure we can find anything in common.

Oh, I thought he meant continuing to engage with you 'in the open', rather than the private stuff. I think there needs to be am explicit explanation and apology for that.

So no self reflection on your behaviour then.

I do too.

for the record, coming back to threads is allowed on here.

And a gap between posts when you've been emotionally unsettled is entirely understandable.

you posted a thread that said (paraphrase) I’m the great lad I have a daughter I share your concerns do the work for me and tell me all the things I need to do and lick my arse and tell me I’m wonderful while you’re at it.

youre not capable of being told no by a woman and when you are told no you deliberately boundary cross.

that’s not the actions of an ally.

And being unable to step away is a trauma response.

I always find it more disappointing when the self proclaimed allies turn out not to be, than when the people who shout their misogyny from the rooftops do so. At least there's an honesty in the second group.

Indeed.

Taztoy. I think you are right. I continued to reply "in the shadows" as I wanted you to undertand that I was still reading your posts. I didn't want to engage in a active discussion as I sometimes have difficulty being told no by a woman.

It was the wrong thing to do. I'm sorry.

And....there it is.

Thank you for being honest.

I don't like being told no by women so I will just harass them until they go away